General Dance Discussion > Jealous spouses

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by pygmalion, Oct 11, 2003.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Just curious, because I've had a few interactions with jealous spouses of dance friends. Has anyone had problems/situations with jealous spouses?

    Here's my story: Several months ago, I went to a studio outing, but arrived late because of a rain storm. When I got there, everybody from the studio was on the dance floor, so I plopped myself down into the first available seat. When the song was over, I realized that I was sitting next to a very insecure woman and her handsome, physician husband. They (especially she) spent the rest of the evening alternately ignoring and mistreating me, as if somehow, I was trying to steal the handsome husband/doc, which I wasn't! (Yuck ! too effeminate for me. :lol: ) No more details, to protect the innocent. (AND I'll tell the rest of the story later in this thread. :lol: )

    Has anybody else had similar experiences? How did you handle it?
  2. Sarah

    Sarah New Member

    Situations like this - I treat with a large dose of ignore :D.
    If you're feeling generous ignore the rude behavior and start a conversation with the wife, at which point she might get to know you as a person and get a little less uptight. If you don't have the energy to deal with all the bad vibes you can ignore the couple altogether and go and have fun with someone else asap.
    If you're feeling bitchy you can pretend to be completely socially inept, ignore the jelous by-play, start a nice innocent conversation with the doc and watch gleefully as the tension levels rise. :twisted: [1]


    [1]Not that I'd ever do this. Nooo.
    Not even if they were being really rude. Bad for the Karma. But I might think about it.;)
  3. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    Perhaps I'm lucky, but I've never encountered this at any dance.
  4. MissAlyssa

    MissAlyssa New Member

    I come across this when I'm teaching couples. I always always always build a repoire with the female first!!
  5. Swing Kitten

    Swing Kitten New Member

    That sounds really smart MissAlyssa!

    I never really had this happen... I would be highly surprised if any wife saw me as a threat. The only couple I interact with at all around the dances (that I know of) are SwinginBoo and her beau Bruce. I dance with both of them... although I dance more dances with Bruce. There have even been a couple of times when Stephanie says, 'Here, you dance with 'im!' :lol: ... she's not the jealous type! ;) and she'd have no reason to be.
  6. MissAlyssa

    MissAlyssa New Member

    you are really lucky to have a friend with good self esteem. my best girl friend isn't jealous of me as I'm not of her. very healthy relationship!
  7. Swing Kitten

    Swing Kitten New Member

    YAY for good girlfriends!!!
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes. That's what I usually do, as well. Try to start a conversation with either the wife alone, or with the couple. And try to avoid dancing too many dances with any one person's husband. The last thing I want is someone thinking I'm trying to steal her man. I can get my own, thank you very much! :lol: :D
  9. SwinginBoo

    SwinginBoo New Member

    LOL, don't you realize that it's never good to dance with him after I've said that. :lol:

    No I'm not jealous. Maybe once I was. But it was almost understandable. (I think). We were at a dance and all of a sudden this gorgeous blonde waltzes over (not literally) gives him a huge long hug, and says "Oh I haven't seen you in so long! How are you? Oh wow...blah blah blah" Then she grabbed him and dances with him without him introducing her to me. Well I just felt like my blood was boiling.

    Afterwards he comes back laughing, and obviously I'm not laughing. :evil: He goes "I have no idea who that was." I'm like well she seems to know you. Anyways he didn't have a clue, except that he knew the friend she was with from a few years ago in the dance scene. He assumes he gave her a quick lesson at some point in the past.

    So anyhow, that's my jealousy story. OH and by the way Swing Kitten, why would you say that no wife would see you as a threat? Aren't you the type that goes about stealing men from their women? :p
  10. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    A large dose of ignore. :lol: I like that.

    Actually, that's what I did in my jealous wife case. I ignored them both, husband and wife, for months. A real loss, since he's a great dancer.

    Then, guess what happened? She got pretty seriously ill, and when she came back to the dance studio after a couple months' absence (sp?), I was the only person in the studio who accepted her back warmly. Nobody else liked her, either. Anyway. Long story short, she and I developed a friendship of sorts. I was so glad I hadn't told her off earlier. Things turned out well in the long run. And you never know why she was so insecure to start with. Never hurts to give others the benefit of the doubt. And a large dose of ignore helps a lot of situations. :D
  11. MissAlyssa

    MissAlyssa New Member

    sounds like you handled that situation quite well Jenn.
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Thanks, MissAlyssa.

    I just did the best I could. I was so steamed at first, then just kind of resigned. When the opportunity came to make friends, I was shocked, but what the hey. An opportunity is an opportunity. Just grab it, and move on. It worked out well. Mostly good fortune. :D
  13. MissAlyssa

    MissAlyssa New Member

    I usually give a "dose of ignore" :wink:
  14. smoothdancingirl

    smoothdancingirl New Member

    Ladies never show you're jealous. Trust me if he's the cheating type there is nothing you can do about it except leave. Besides if he doesn't appreciate how wonderful you are you don't need him anyway.
    And ladies always make another woman ease up by asking her permission if can dance with her spouse, boyfriend, or date. It gives her the control back and helps you gain respect from her and other ladies. Introducing yourself always helps. I almost always mention the fact I'm married with children.
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yes! Jealousy is a wasted emotion. I learned that long ago. If he wants to be with you, you can't make him leave. If he wants to leave, you can't make him stay. So why worry? Go with the flow. :lol:

    And yes. Giving the wife/girlfriend/significant other control does help with the unnecessary displays of jealousy. :D
  16. Sarah

    Sarah New Member

    Also everyone - if you are bringing a non-dancing date to a dance event for the first time
    • Explain to them ahead of time that attractive members of the opposite sex are going to want to dance with you, these are your mates (Amr. trans. = `buddies') and you'd like to oblige.
      Also explain that just because it looks sexy doesn't mean you're about to dive into bed with your current dance partner.
      That you reserve every second song (or more) to dance with or just hang out with your date if they're intimidated by the dance floor.
      Introduce your date to people that they might enjoy chatting or even dancing with while you're fulfilling your social obligations.
      Seriously consider leaving early if they're getting too bored.

  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hey Sarah! What time is it there? 10:00 AM? :shock:

    Good point. The dancing spouse can help a lot by having a prep talk before the couple even goes to the dance. :D
  18. Sarah

    Sarah New Member

    1PM - time for lunch. I'm multitasking ;)

    Talking about this stuff is just considerate really.

  19. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hey sarah! So It's 2:00 PM there? Wow! I didn't realize that parts of Australia and New Zealand had such different time zones. :oops: Dumb, because I should have known.

    Either way, you're right. Telling what you know just helps the other guy get a clue! :lol: :lol: Thanks.

  20. MadamSamba

    MadamSamba Member

    jealous partners and significant others

    Wow, Jenn...good topic. There'd be very few women who hand't encountered this one. I remember when I started at one studio, I had to pretend I had a boyfriend in order to prevent the other women giving me the cold shoulder.
    Seriously, I was the youngest single person by about two decades and all the other people my age were in couples and the women used to act quite "strange" around me for the first month.
    I thought I was imagining it at first, but then it became a little too coincidental. I couldn't figure out why, though I had a feeling it was because I was single. So one week I "dropped" into conversation that I had a boyfriend who refused to come dancing and, I swear, within a few days all the women were friendly and chatty as hell with me. It was like a 360-degree about-face in their attitude.
    A few weeks later I had to dump the invented boyfriend, but I was stunned at how insecure these women's not like I was flirting with their beaus or even remotely interested. I was just a single female on the loose to them! It wasn't possible, in their minds, that I simply wanted to dance.

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