Dancers Anonymous > Life is Hard Thread

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by TinyDancer109, Dec 6, 2010.

  1. raindance

    raindance Well-Known Member

    Then, go get one. Hopefully you know of some good ones. Best wishes.
     
    Angel HI and Sania like this.
  2. RiseNFall

    RiseNFall Well-Known Member

    And I am sure you will get one. Best wishes.
     
    Angel HI likes this.
  3. leee

    leee Well-Known Member

    A counselor is still a person at the end of the day, and we all know what being a person can be like.
     
    Sania likes this.
  4. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    Yep. DIY psychology only goes so far.
     
    Mr 4 styles, leee and Angel HI like this.
  5. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    and, getting counseling and doing the work are two different things....lots of folks "get counseling" and it does nothing.....but definitely, one can't be both the patient and the counselor...it just isn't fair to either ...hug...best to you
     
  6. leee

    leee Well-Known Member

    Update: I've been seeing a therapist for ~1 month now, and I'm doing much better. Thank you to all the well-wishers who were able to sustain me in that interim before my sessions began.

    An interesting note is that we're using my dance progress as a way to help me through my issues.
     
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    so glad to hear this...thanks for the update
     
  8. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    If you follow racing, you know about the tragic death of Justin Wilson. His brother Stefan tweeted today that Justin was an organ donor, and they were able to transplant six organs from him. Six people have a new lease on life thanks to his choice. Please consider being an organ donor.
     
    dancelvr, singndance, Purr and 2 others like this.
  9. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    Yesterday I had to go to the VA hospital as I was experiencing chest pains. Good news is that it was NOT a heart attack, but need to undergo stress test to determine cause of discomfort. Scheduled for this in February.
     
  10. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    so glad for that...and hoping your tests yield an answer
     
  11. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    And will eventually undergo cataract surgery likely this coming year, but not worried much about that.
     
  12. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    Ok...I have a bit of a tricky situation here that I maybe need some independent advice on. It's a little heavy (child abuse, etc.) so I haven't put it in the Whining Thread.


    Yesterday I went to my hairdresser and she told me that one of her clients is the cousin of my mum’s fiancé, and that the cousin told her that mum’s fiancé is estranged from the family because he sexually abused two young girls.

    And I just have no idea how to deal with this? Like there’s absolutely no way to know whether the accusations are true (and because they’re coming from an adult rather than a child I have more doubt than I would if a kid told me)...this guy is pretty socially weird, but we've known him almost 10 years now (including when we were young teens) and there’s never been anything weird going on that we've been aware of.

    But at the same time if the accusations are true I 100% want absolutely nothing to do with him. I want to support mum but I refuse to be in their wedding (esp. if she confronts him about it and then says “yes he did it but he’s changed”) and I never want to talk to this guy again. And boyf says that mum would have better judgement than to marry an abuser but a lot of people excuse abusers because their “kind” (manipulative) actions “outweigh” the things they once did. And I know that he spoils her and treats her well and he’s her best friend and I really just don’t know how to approach the conversation with mum because I feel like she'll be on the defensive.

    Hairdresser is planning to call her and talk to her first and just be like “um hey so the other day when you guys were here at the same time as my other client and it was weird is because...” and I guess I’ll get her to let me know how that goes and then talk to mum. But I’m so worried that I’m going to need to take a hard line on this and alienate mum. I will always side against abusers...100% that isn’t in doubt...but I just don’t know how to approach this without potentially causing a huge family drama.
     
  13. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    lio...IMV, there is only what you must do and what you can't do here....you must make sure that your mom knows about the accusation as only an accusation...because you have an ethical obligation to protect any minors who you may be aware of coming into his presence....so she at least needs to have in the back of her mind an understanding that this is a possibility, and certainly if you are aware of minors who are going to be in that scenario you need to make sure that the adults in their lives are aware of this accusation...if you have no way of finding out if there is documented proof you simply say that you could be wrong but have an ethical duty to share in the event that it is true...one thing I think you don't do is initiate an estrangement btwn yourself and your mom as then she will never be able to come to you if she eventually discovers the issue as true....you can say, " you will never watch my children if this man lives in your home" but it would be a good idea, in my view, to let the hairdresser take the lead...and then focus on the fact that there is an ethical responsibility to not put one's head in the sand on her part or yours and so, absent information that categorically dispels this information as false, one has to proceed with a level of caution that accounts for the fact that it could be true...and not let it devolve into something personal about whether or not the guy seems or doesn't seem to be creepy...hello bill cosby...whether or not someone's guilt has been proven or not, whether or not they seem like the most lovable person, there is a duty to care for those who cannot care for themselves ....it is a shame if someone put something out there that isn't true and can't be proven false, but it would be a bigger shame to ignore it, be wrong, and learn that someone who could have been protected was not....and if your mother and this guy can't understand that, one would have to wonder
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2016
  14. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    This morning, DW suffered what might be (without getting into details) a serious orthopedic injury. She's limping. And we are in a critical project phase at work (critical in the sense that, in that if we don't execute and stay on schedule, the program may be cancelled), and because of it I will have to travel the next two weeks.
     
  15. Borungirl

    Borungirl New Member

    Excellent idea,we shall support each other.
     
  16. Cal

    Cal Well-Known Member

    A young man who was a couple of years behind my younger nephew at high school is a senior now, and was all set up with a spot at a top university in the country and a sports scholarship - all he had to do was keep his grades in order until graduation. The university was checking into the reasons behind a recent low grade in one of the young man's classes. It turns out he'd plagiarized a paper. The university pulled the offer. It's a huge blow to the family; and what a hard, hard lesson for the young man to learn.
     
  17. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    Wasn't quite sure where this belonged... nothing bad actually happened, but it seemed a bit drastic for the whining thead. An airplane I was aboard last night was hit by lightning, on approach to Phoenix. I think it hit outside my window. I saw a flash and a few glowing spots, and heard a noise like a gunshot. Oddly, the crew never said a word about it. I didn't notice anything obviously wrong afterwards. We did land very fast, but that might have been due to winds.
     
  18. SwingingAlong

    SwingingAlong Well-Known Member

    eeek! glad you landed safe. reminds me of the time I was on a plane that was landing just as a major earthquake struck. Could see the runway wobble :eek: but I think we were to low to pull out. Needless to say my connecting flight was cancelled!
     
  19. singndance

    singndance Well-Known Member

    Oh, oh, oh! That's pretty scary! Thank goodness all turned out ok.
     
  20. singndance

    singndance Well-Known Member

    I hope this kid really learns from this one. How many kids have gotten away with things like this because the university turned a blind eye? Seems so many of the big schools coddle their student athletes.
     

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