Salsa > Looking at cleavage

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by tacad, Mar 21, 2005.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Okay. So, since we're obviously not going to just let this topic die, how about I try to turn it into something positive? Everybody on board for that? 8)

    This topic has lots of upside potential, IMO. So let me take a stab at it.

    What's a guy to do in a dance situation? Men, being the visual creatures that they are, tend to also be admirers of the female form. So how can a guy who just wants to dance, dance and stay out of trouble? Are there ways in which some women send guys mixed or ambiguous signals (look but don't stare, for example?) What part do women play in all this mess? Is there a way of club dressing that's "safer" or less "safe"? What about the girls who DO dress to be seen? And how can a guy respect the limits of girls who are just there to dance? And is there a difference between, say, dancing with strangers at a club and dancing with acquaintances at a house party? And what role, if any, do potential dating and pickups play? Where do you draw the line(s)?

    Okay. Please discuss. :wink: 8) :lol:
  2. ReneeJoan

    ReneeJoan New Member

    I'll be honest, folks -- sure, I dress to enhance what I got, expect to get looked at, and even go out of my way to make sure that I am.

    But just remember guys -- and keep this thought tucked away in the back of your head -- if you're looking, so am I.

  3. youngsta

    youngsta Active Member

    Apparently the guys that do this aren't truly afflicted with the salsa disease I have because when I'm dancing looking at body parts is the last thing I'm worried about. And even when I'm not dancing I'm to busy trying to find my next dance :lol: Now during breaks I can appreciate how the women are dressed, but I'm not a gawker by nature anyway.
  4. DanceMentor

    DanceMentor Administrator

    We rarely zap posts here, but ocasionally it is necessary. When we do this, we don't always discuss publicly, because we prefer to deal directly with those involved to avoid gossip and outrage. You would be surprised how things can spiral out of control quickly, and end up upsetting more people than necessary.
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Thanks, DM. 8)

    Yup. I'd have to agree on this one, youngsta. The serious salsa guys I know don't smoke, don't drink (except water to stay hydrated) and don't ogle. They're too busy dancing. :lol: :lol:
  6. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    I appreciate the moderators here keeping a close eye on proceedings to make sure the forums stay a good-natured and flame-free place for open discussions. 8)

    But as Pygmalion says, the topic (well it's kinda difficult to understand what the topic is when half the posts are gone, but I take it's something to do with guys staring at exposed cleavages... :roll: ) has a potential. After all, there have been many threads about dressing for dancing and comments about men's obsession :lol: with cleavages...

    Perhaps we could discuss these things in another thread and remove this one completely rather than continuing here?
  7. Rosa

    Rosa New Member

    If this thread dies I'm taking my "nm" interpretations to Funstuff and Inspiration! :twisted:

    Could be a whole new thread... 8) :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Rosa :)
  8. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Here is what happened. At a salsa party, my first, a number of women had cleavage. tsb says it wasn't so much but I guess more than I'm used to. And at first I was ignoring it but it was like ignoring an elephant in the room (hence the elephant reference). So I decided to look and look directly. I received a smile for this. So I looked more. I got a bigger smile. This happened with 3 women. I thought others would not be receptive. So there I am looking and there they were smiling. I got repeat dances with these 3 women. 2 of them asked me to dance again. We were even having conversations during the dance. It was a two way street. This surprised me and I wanted to get DF's reaction. I was wondering if there are many salseras in the salsa world that enjoy this. I was wondering if this was way out of line under any circumstances.

    I dance social ballroom. I discovered early that some women enjoy dancing with body contact. Certainly grinding does this. It's mutual. No one being taken advantage of. I wondered if this was true of looking at cleavage in the salsa world. To be clear, I was looking directly, not glancing and then looking away. I was also invloved in conversation with the ladies,looking them in the eye then back at their cleavage, and then looking them in the eye again. Another was looking directly at me smiling broadly as I was looking at her cleavage. This is still surprising to me.

    Is this usual? Happens occasionally?

    This is the only time I've done it like this.
  9. Patapouf

    Patapouf New Member

    :shock: May be they did not know what you were looking at! I'd certainly feel very uncomfortable if the guy I'm speaking to keeps looking down at my chest!
  10. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you didn't leave, tacad.

    From my perspective, there's no easy answer. The way you imply you handled things is about the only way you could -- read ladies' body language, gauge whether you think you'll be well-received (or slapped LOL) and act accordingly.

    I suspect that, if you'd handled every lady at the party that same way, you'd have gotten some negative reactions. But, with these three in particular, something about their demeanor told you that a little peek or two (or three :lol: ) would be okay. *shrug* No problem. 8)
  11. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    i dont think u can ever generalize behavior tacad.. period

    i'm not judging anything from this cause i simply wasn't there, but i have met all kinds of people (which ofcourse includes women lol) that varied as much as the earth to sky.. so.. just another experience i guess [​IMG]
  12. ReneeJoan

    ReneeJoan New Member


    You're an intelligent man -- it sounds to me like you were correctly interpreting the non-verbal cues being sent to you by these women. They were not offended by your enjoyment of their physical appearance -- if they were not, you'd have known, and since you happen to be the incarnation of chivalry, you would have amended your behavior accordingly. Again, it sounds to me like they were, in fact, quite flattered by YOUR non-verbal communications.

    I can't comment about salsa, having too little experience with it, but in my art from (tango), this is pretty normal. Tango is the dance of seduction, the dance of the tease. If I get a partner who's willing to play with me, I'll bring out the heavy artillary and let him have it. My observation is, however, that salsa is a "flirty" dance, and it's fair game to tease your partner past the limits of endurance.

    So, the answer to your question, I guess, is, yes, it's normal -- so get out there and cut loose, and have fun!!

  13. Throwaway Overshare

    Throwaway Overshare New Member

    Numinous Mammaries?
  14. Rosa

    Rosa New Member

    Well, had to look up 'numinous' in the dictionary... but I guess it rates a laugh! :lol:

    Rosa :)
  15. tacad

    tacad New Member

    No, I'm sure they knew. One told me to warn her if I saw something. Another, when I stopped looking since I was concerned that I would make her uncomfortable, kept smiling and looking directly at me, then glanced down at my own chest, which I took as a sign to continue looking. I then continued looking, and she continued smiling, still looking directly at me.
  16. DanceMentor

    DanceMentor Administrator

    What is the Dance Forums coming too? :lol:
    I'm a married man, and I certainly do my best to keep my head up. :)
    I think there is a difference between a casual glance and gloating. Even when I teach lessons, I have to talk about different parts of the body, and this involves looking at my students, but certainly I keep everything very professional, both in what I say, and in how I think.
  17. TemptressToo

    TemptressToo Member

    I've worn some things Latin dancing that were fairly skimpy. Think of your usual pro competition Latin costume and you would just about have it. A "once over" and the occasional double take are expected. It really doesn't bother me. I don't see much difference between my chest and the chest of any other person (men included). I am all natural and proud of it.
  18. ReneeJoan

    ReneeJoan New Member

    Oh, good grief. I KNOW tacad (he's the one responsible for turning me loose on this Forum). He is a decent and honorable man. He was clearly being invited to "look," and was merely responding to that invitation. To refuse such an obvious and open invitation from a lady would be, well, rude and downright "ungentlemanly."
  19. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    lol ! tacad's got 'imself in a real quagmire here .. ;)

    perhaps they were smiling at you for reasons that had nothing to do with cleavage ? was your fly open ? ;)

    in any case, i've been in that situation before. i don't think it is symptomatic of the salsa scene at all. frankly, i've seen more hats and berets in salsa, and men with white dance shoes, than cleavage.

    but yes, its hard to concentrate on anything when there is a pretty woman a few inches away from you, more so when there's cleavage involved. i'd do what feels the most natural. sometimes looking away, or looking directly both can feel weird.
  20. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    There is nothing odd about looking and admiring a person. How it is done, that is with whom and the exact circumstances makes all the difference. I have done more things then many others whom I know while playing the flirtation game and there has been no problem. Take el beso, "the kiss", for instance. Not too many people do this, but I do. It is all about the intentions behind what one does, IMO. A lot of people who really listen to their instincts can tell what is going on. Take Rosa's description for her situation where the ladies felt sorry for the gent and knew that nothing would be taken beyond what they were willing to go.

Share This Page