Dancers Anonymous > Match-ups, Fix-ups, and Blind Dates

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by pygmalion, Feb 20, 2006.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Good idea or bad idea, in your view?

    I have quite a few well-meaning friends who're making ... suggestions to me of this "nice guy" or that "fun guy" or the other "stable guy." I guess my being single makes them uncomfortable. :lol:

    Up to now, I've pretty much had a hands-off policy when it comes to these guys. Years of experience have made me think match-ups are a no-go.

    But now I'm starting to think hmm... if your friends know you pretty well, what's the harm in giving it a try?

    Thoughts, anyone?
     
  2. Indiana_Jay

    Indiana_Jay Active Member

    Having been married for nearly 24 years, I'm hardly one to offer advice on dating. My only comment is that your friends might not be the least bit uncomfortable with the fact that you're single. It's just as likely that they suggest these guys because the think you'd like to have a relationship and they love you.

    -IJ
     
  3. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    Personally, I think the best way to meet potential dates are through your friends and acquaintances. That's not so easy as you get older and less of your friends actually *know* other singles. My cousin is going through this now....35 and unmarried and perpetually freaking over it. I keep telling her how the grass is always greener....or to START DANCING!
     
  4. lynn

    lynn New Member

    I'm probably the last qualified person on earth to be offering dating advice but the way i think about being on blind dates is really how open minded you and the other person are. I've had blind date phone conversations with guys before where they open the conversation with "so....what kind of guys are you looking for" or "what kind of guys interest you" - besides being ultra awkward, these kind of statement really shows that the other party has already made some assumptions about me, which usually is not a good thing.

    But i guess the bottom line is, if you can treat the person as just a regular guy you meet on your own and not thinking too much into it, i suppose it could be a good way of meeting people....
     
  5. caityrosey

    caityrosey New Member

    I also haven't really been dating for the last 6 years or so, but the one friend I have who dates a lot seems to like going on group dates with the person she's being set up with: ie. go out with that set-up person AND the person who set you up AND their date too. I have not tried it myself but she says it works for her.
     
  6. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I really don't care for the whole scenario. First, someone'd have to know me pretty well to know someone who'd be "perfect" for me. (Why do people always say that?)

    But second, here are my two match-up/fix-up experiences from the past. One, a coworker/friend set me up with his brother-in-law, "a really nice guy." Boring as all get out!! I mean really. So boring that I couldn't get past that first conversation. No date ever happened, because this guy had nothing to talk about, other than his job as an insurance adjuster, which was totally foreign and not the least bit interesting to me. Didn't he ever watch the news or read a book? :lol: Problem? From then on, and for the next couple of years that I continued to work with the wannabe matchmaker, my relationship with the matchmaker was strained. :?

    Two. I went out with and ended up seriously dating the close friend of a girlfriend. It worked out really well. He was "perfect" for me. But... there was a serious conflict of interests every time he and I had a fight or every time my girlfriend (his friend) and I had a disagreement. To this day, even though I'm no longer in touch with the old boyfriend, my girlfriend gets weirded out when he comes up in conversation, which isn't often.

    It's just not worth it, in my view. There are lots of guys out there to meet, and I meet them easily and often without getting entangled with someone who "knows" someone I know.

    Networking is great for business relationships, I think. Personal relationships? Eh. Not so much. (Yes. I'm a crusty old cynic. :wink: )
     
  7. lynn

    lynn New Member

    Pygmalion, i honestly don't think you need to be fixed up since you already have a super friend/outgoing personality! But if a friend is trying to set you up, maybe just meet the guy and think of it as a "networking" opportunity rather than anything else?
     
  8. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I think it really depends ... it can be good or bad.

    It's quite usual here in Egypt to be set-up with 'marriage prospects'. I confess I did it for a duration of 3 years like some years ago. I think I met like 15 men and found the probabilty very low. The probabilty of me getting 'unplanned crushes' is alot higher. Like one guy, I could have a conversation with and another I could enjoy his company once a week, but not more. And this is after doing screening of who to meet and only from close friends and not from family. One of the bad things here we have the social pressure, everybody interfering (with good intentions)...why don't you like him, why don't try to meet him again, ah, you have wear a skirt, put on some make-up... ugh!!!!!!! Another problem I have I also don't like to go out without doing an activity, so it gets so boring. So I quit and decided I just have to bump into someone.

    But it's quite different here in Egypt and there's alot of pressure.
    I have friends who do meet their partners in this way and end up falling in love, etc, etc., so I wouldn't advice you against it, you could get lucky. Do it if you enjoy going out and getting to know people. I'm sure you don't have the 'marriage' pressure like here so you can take your time and enjoy yourself. :)
     
  9. lynn

    lynn New Member

    Sometimes i wonder is it b/c i was being "set up" therefore i have a higher expectation for the guy and thus it's harder for me to get a "crush"??? Or maybe for me it just feels so unnatural i'm just not in the mood to fall in love...dunno....
     
  10. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    maybe you're right, cause out of the 15, I didn't have a crush on any of them.
     
  11. lynn

    lynn New Member

    That's the biggest problem, i've often wondered that if i had met these guys in a more "natural" situation - one that doesn't scream "i'm desparate that's why i'm here on a blind date", maybe things would've turned out differently...
     
  12. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    I've had some very good expereneces with this. What the heck, give it a try, and worst that will happen will be some more bad dates. *shrug*
     
  13. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    I've enjoyed dating, once I discovered what I needed to do differently.
     
  14. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Ayuh, dancing helped me. :D

    If a person becomes involved with an activity they like, then this could create a situation where an SO can be found with at least one similar interest which creates moments for conversation to determine if there are other areas of similarity.
     
  15. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Yes, I've always found these types of conversations alittle irritating. As long as I know what I'm looking for then I can be trying to find out whether or not the person I'm on a date with fits the bill. If someone is asking this type of question of me, then I avoid answering it because I don't want a person trying to make themselves into something they aren't just to have a relationship with me. I want to know what they are really like, and this takes time and observation. Actions speak louder then words. ;)
     
  16. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    This could be a useful approach.
     
  17. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Ayuh, seems like a dud.

    So this ended because of conflicts of interest?

    It sounds like this type of dating won't work for you, and that's ok.
     
  18. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    :lol: This might be a good idea!
     
  19. skwiggy

    skwiggy Well-Known Member

    My current boyfriend was a set-up/blind date. I've had my share of bad set-ups as well. I say go for it. I figure, what have you got to lose? At worst, you've lost one evening of your life. At best, you meet someone special. And there are a lot of possibilities in between. You might end up making a new friend.
     
  20. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Exactly! :D

    Social pressure isn't fun.

    However, regarding dates ... try keeping the first date very short, just long enough to chat and maybe flirt a bit to see what kind of interaction can be created. I wouldn't want to go out on a first date with someone I hardly know doing an activity with them that took up alot of time if the person was going to be a complete dud. It could be safer to have a quick date first with those you don't know, and then worry about having another date with an activity later to explore the person's potential, if it even gets that far.

    Now, if I know the person, and we've been flirting through an activity that we both already particpate in, then that's a different story. ;)

    You mean people don't date in the U.S. to get married someday ... :lol: ... I'd say many people really do, and marriage is a socially acceptable way of having a significant relationship with someone over here. Unfortunately even if it sometimes isn't a relationship that can be maintained with joy.
     

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