Dancers Anonymous > Match-ups, Fix-ups, and Blind Dates

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by pygmalion, Feb 20, 2006.

  1. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Pyg is right. You don't need to wear loads of makeup and your FM shoes, but you should look presentable, i.e. something you'd feel comfortable wearing to the office. Unless you work at home or at Micky D's. Which would make a better impression on you: a guy dressed in khakis, an oxford shirt and loafers, or a guy dressed in a T-shirt, cutoffs and flops?
     
  2. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Are you sure you guys don't live here in Egypt??? I can't believe it.

    I remember on my first blind date I wore very casual jeans, not a bit of make-up and maybe runners (if I can recall) and that guy was actually one of the few ones who I could have a conversation with. So I probably scared him off.
    But the problem is, for me, I don't dress up unless I feel like it (and I'm the type whose looks can drastically change from very unattractive to attractive depending on what I wear and what I do to myself).
    I am convinced (in a way) with what pygmalion is saying cause I've heard that a thousand times, but I wouldn't judge a man with what he's wearing so I don't want him to judge me, but unfortunately that's the way they are. And they think that if you don't make an effort to look good, then you're not interested in them or they think is she going to be looking like THAT all the time.

    So my conclusion ... I stopped going on blind dates. For my personality, blind dating is too much pressure and I never enjoyed it.
     
  3. lynn

    lynn New Member

    Hmm, I guess I wore runners b/c that's generally how I dress in the office and dare I say that I still look presentable :raisebro: ?? (a nice top, jeans/dress pants + runners is more sufficient for the fashion trend here unfortunately). But I've been thinking about it myself: if i know for sure that the guy's going to be wearing a t-shirt and jeans (which he was), would I really want to dress up? Given that we were in a coffee shop anything more than casualwear would probably make me look out of place :rolleyes: ....

    Oh, boy, this is exactly my problem too, I feel almost as if there has to be a reason for me to dress up (but that's a circular question: if I've never met the guy, how do i know I'll be attracted to him? If I don't dress up, I might miss the chance to impress him, and if i do..yaddayaddayadda). I guess my other problem is, if I looked really nice on the first date, I've somehow set the bar really high for myself and I'm pretty much bound to dress on that level all the time - my looks also can change drastically from very unattractive to attractive (i think everyone's like that) depending on what I wear so I've picked a mid-point where I'm not "made up" but also not sloppy either......perhaps I should think about upgrading my looks??
     
  4. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    yaddayaddayadda...and then what if he likes me how am I going to get rid of him, especially if he's great (but I don't feel for him). then you go in the 'give him another chace phase'...yaddayaddayadda

    WE SERIOUSLY NEED HELP.....

    That's why sometimes (when one is really resisting so much) maybe I am not ready for a committment. Have you ever thought of that? It's just not the right time.
     
  5. lynn

    lynn New Member

    Oh, wow, you REALLY filled in the blank for me :shock: ! Yes, i can take rejection, but i just can't reject someone - i know i should be straight & honest with him, but I just can't do it.... then i keep on convincing myself that there's no such thing as "love @ first sight" and i should give it another chance but don't really wanna.....

    Boy, i've been seriously pondering on the commitment issue a couple of days ago too. I don't know, i keep on thinking that i'll be "ready" when the right guy comes along, but maybe i'm wrong. Maybe it should be that I have to be ready first THEN i'll realize it when the right guy does show up??? Goodness, this is so confusing..... I really don't like chicken 'n egg questions.....:confused:
     
  6. lynn

    lynn New Member

    On a side note, i think i scared off the guy because i was too chatty chatty. My mom's friend always thought of me as a quiet & shy person (which is not always the case :lol:) Maybe next time I should just shut up and let the guy do the talking?? But i really can't stand the awkward silence......eeek....:mrgreen:
     
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    there isnt love at first sight...there is attraction and connection but not love...imo
     
  8. lynn

    lynn New Member

    But can you feel the attraction & connection @ first sight?? So far that has only happened to me once....so even then i think attraction/connection takes time to cultivate.....
     
  9. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member


    I hope I didn't confuse you :( .
    I have no problem rejecting anyone (I'm actually an expert if you need any tips) when I know I'm not interested. But you know when you meet people who are in the grey area, then I panick. And these are the people one is supposed to try to get to know. I don't know why I panick. I don't know if I'm a control freak, don't want anyone to get close in case they hurt me. I don't really know cause even before I had my major heartbreak I also freaked with the idea of having a boyfriend (but I was young then so it was o.k.). I was also brought up in a healthy family setting so I couldn't have developed a fear from there. Or maybe some people are just born to be alone, don't know?
     
  10. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    i agree with that, but some people say that if there's connection and no attraction, the attraction can grow?
     
  11. lynn

    lynn New Member

    is there a difference between connection and attraction? I can pretty much talk to anyone - so in a sense there's always connection but never attraction??

    Ditto with the control thing - maybe it's just b/c we don't want to let go for the fear of heartbreak?? Though i've never had one before and i'm not sure where my anxiety is from...:confused:....
     
  12. lynn

    lynn New Member

    Joe, i agree that being dressed up is more likely to make a better impression but there is such thing as being over-dressed for the occasion (esp the fashion trend in vancouver has always been casual). For an afternoon coffee meet up, I would never expect the guy to dress in an oxford shirt + loafers. Dinner maybe, but definately not just for coffee.
     
  13. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    definately...I have absolutely had times in my life where I have not initiallly found a person to be the least bit attractive and as time went on found them almost unbearably attractive , first b/c you grow fond of who they are and secondly as you do that you see them physically anew through that lens...at least i do....
     
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    they CAN both take time to cultivate...but they dont HAVE to....one can have a pretty rapid attraction as well as at least percieved sense of connection...and fyi the distinction I am making is that the attraction for this conversation is largely physical whereas the connection delas with the other dimensions...while love IMO...is by its very definition IMO not even possible to contemplate as something instant
     
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    certainly goegraphy has alot to do w/ what one percieves to be casual....I like an oxford and loafer kinda casual guy....by golly I married him...and ahem, ask cornutt about my other uses for those oxfords:cool: :raisebro:
     
  16. lynn

    lynn New Member

    :confused:?? It's best that I not ask right?
     
  17. lynn

    lynn New Member

    O.K., if that's the definition, then i've always able to establish a connection with whoever I talk to but attraction is difficult to come by though.....
     
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    That makes attraction all the sweeter when you find it ... or it finds you. :cool:
     
  19. lynn

    lynn New Member

    so....does that mean i don't have to work at it?? Wow, that's nice to hear!
     
  20. Mr. Dance

    Mr. Dance New Member

    Ive tried playing match maker for friends in the past, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Oddly enough the ones I didnt think would work out actually did really well and they enjoyed each others company and the ones that I thought would totally hit it off from the get go just totally bombed out :confused::rolleyes: . Blind dates can be fun, if you go into them with the right frame of mind and not expect too much right away, so that way your not hurt so bad if it doesnt work out and it does go well you can keep it in perspective as you persue you new found romance.
     

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