General Dance Discussion > Men who "can't" - i.e. won't even try to - dance.

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by oldtangoguy, Jul 5, 2017.

  1. oldtangoguy

    oldtangoguy Active Member

    My wife is smart, beautiful, kind, and a dozen years younger than I. How come I'm with her? In part, because she, a former ballerina, loves to dance and won't be with someone who can't.

    I teach, and have two bright, wonderful and stunningly beautiful women (no exaggeration) as private students. We occasionally go out and dance in the local bars, and people are surprised that I, old enough to be their father (grandfather?), am dancing with them. OTOH, if they could find age appropriate men who could dance, they would instantly drop me as a regular partner, or at least so they have said.

    Even though I'm a guy, I don't get it. Why don't guys dance?!! It's fun. It's healthy. And kind, wonderful, gorgeous women are just waiting!

    Do any of you understand this?
    opendoor likes this.
  2. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Speaking frankly, it might have got to do with lacking role models? Concerning me, the typical flamboyant international latin stylist used to be the insuperable barrier. Pabo Verón cleared the way for me.
  3. FancyFeet

    FancyFeet Well-Known Member

    It goes for both genders, but... let's just say it takes a certain strength of character to expose yourself to a completely new experience - especially knowing you'll likely be terrible for a while - as an adult.

    Couple that with the likelihood that adults are likely to have been raised with very traditional views on gender roles (boys play sports and are the strong protectors, girls dance and are the pretty homemakers) - though of varying intensity depending on the age of the adult - and you have a whole lot of conditioning to get through as well. (Acknowledged that some cultures have different views on gender roles.)

    I give serious props to the North American middle-aged guy who shows up at a dance studio and wants to learn to dance. Even more props if he shows up sans partner, because that takes some serious courage.
    Purr, raindance, j_alexandra and 2 others like this.
  4. davedove

    davedove Active Member

    Most guys, once they get started, do like to dance. The problem is getting them to start.

    Most guys (although, of course, not ALL of them) don't like to appear they don't know what they're doing, especially in front of women. It's a tough barrier to break.

    Lack of role models is indeed a big problem. The typical latin dancer just isn't what the american male sees as "manly". It's all that hip action and the like. That's one place where I think shows like Dancing with the Stars helps a little. If they see a big, tough, football player dance, they think maybe it's okay.
    Phil Owl and MaggieMoves like this.
  5. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    I´ve been in Cuba and Argentina. The argentine boys like folklore dancing. So almost every argentine professional tango dancer began his career as a folk dancer.
  6. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    Is this why you dance?
  7. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    If it gets guys started.....yep
  8. oldtangoguy

    oldtangoguy Active Member

    Of course not. What Mr 4 styles said. The thread is about getting men to start dancing, not what keeps them dancing.
  9. oldtangoguy

    oldtangoguy Active Member

    It's true that what got me started dancing was a woman. That relationship lasted a month or so, but my love of dance is still going strong over 30 years later. I think that role model is is big, as is the American vision of what's "manly". Cowboy culture is one place in which partner dance is praised, at least in country-western songs, and my momentary paramour was a 2-stepper. Seeing big sturdy guys in cowboy boots escorting her around the race-track floor was enough to get me off the bar stool and onto my feet. But when she walked out on me, I hardly noticed. I just kept dancing.
    MaggieMoves likes this.
  10. Loki

    Loki Well-Known Member

    Eff-ing A right, Jack.
    Purr, oldtangoguy and Mr 4 styles like this.
  11. tancos

    tancos Active Member

    Let me second (third) this scenario. I only started dancing to meet women. Forty years later I'm still dancing and teaching dance classes...
    oldtangoguy and Mr 4 styles like this.
  12. Mia

    Mia Member

    This is a very curious topic indeed! I find that from my experience, dancing wasn't promoted as the macho thing to do. When growing up, guys have their role models. Here in Switzerland, guys have their football idols like Lionel Messi, they have their tennis idols like Roger Federer, they have their snowboarding idols like Shaun White, they have their cycling idols like Chris Froome but most boys growing up never had a famous dancing idol. Fred Astaire isn't that well known to boys growing up today therefore boys are more likely to try football, tennis, snowboarding and cycling, at least here in Switzerland over embracing dancing.
  13. tancos

    tancos Active Member

    You are exactly right. Here in America dancing is not considered a masculine pursuit. I teach Hungarian and Transylvanian folkdances and over there they have no shortage of guys that want to dance. Every high school in Budapest fields a dance troop and the guys who can do the men's solo dances are respected as varsity athletes.

    Here is a clip of some boys doing legenyes (lad's dance), which was a traditional rite of passage into adulthood in Transylvania. Halfway thru some girls do it just to tease the boys.

  14. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Oh, this again. This question, this set of answers around the concept of "macho".

    Once, I didn't dance because I was unwilling to be seen dancing.

    Eventually, I made myself learn. Had fun for a bit.

    Still later, it stopped being fun.

    In the future, who knows?

    As for having women (even attractive ones) interested in dancing with me -- while I did have that experience to some degree, it turned out to have some downsides.
    atk likes this.
  15. macbadoo

    macbadoo New Member

    -Dancing is hard.
    -Fear of looking like a fool.
    -Music nowadays is horrible. Some men outright don't feel most music (I am one of them).
    -People can get nasty in classes.
    -Does not feel manly.
    -Weird social boundaries during dancing.

    Feels kinda weird saying this but I'm nearly 3 months taking dance classes and I really don't feel comfortable dancing at clubs.

    Also I may or may not change schools or even give up because I'm having a very rough start with ladies outright saying they don't want to dance with me and that they can't figure me out. It amazes me how there are still male dancers with so many obsticules.

    I don't believe that women alone is a strong reason for men stay at the dance classes. Dancing is just too hard for a simple reason like that when they can just chug vodka at the club and believe that they are dancing like mad devils.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2017
    IndyLady likes this.
  16. MaggieMoves

    MaggieMoves Well-Known Member

    I hear the nastiness in group classes... Even at high levels. I'm working on this group performance with some high level amateurs and pros on a dance I'm not the most comfortable with (hustle). I'm not picking things up as fast as the others (they all specialize in hustle) and I got some pretty nasty snickers last week. :mad:

    That said, they were quick to copy my styling idea for a more Latin part of the routine. ;)
    Mr 4 styles likes this.
  17. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Of course, but we were taking of degrees of exaggeration or understatement (international latin vs. Pablo Verón).
  18. DerekWeb

    DerekWeb Well-Known Member

    Dancing used to be an important part of single life. To meet women now, men just need a computer or phone and and app. Why bother with dancing?
  19. MaggieMoves

    MaggieMoves Well-Known Member

    Because eventually you need to prove to one of us that you aren't a mutant. :rofl:
    Mr 4 styles likes this.
  20. Loki

    Loki Well-Known Member

    Oy! You got a problem with mutants, Missy?
    Purr likes this.

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