Funstuff and Inspiration > Men: why we dance

Discussion in 'Funstuff and Inspiration' started by BenjaminT, Jul 11, 2012.

  1. BenjaminT

    BenjaminT Member

    It's been discussed to hades and back why they don't, so why do we dance?

    At the top of the list I'd have to say I dance because I love making a woman smile. And through dance I did just that. I brought a woman from the brink of tears to smiles at tonight's social.:cool:

    She got really frustrated with herself at the end of a foxtrot (or was it tango?) and as I was leading her back to her spot she started negging herself for the way it ended. Just as I was about to leave her with a laugh and better-luck-next-time smile I heard a quiver in her voice and saw the muscles in her face twist as she tried to hold it back. Not even the promise of a beating with a crow-bar could have made me simply abandon her there.

    Before I could think of the appropriate response, it was presented to me. As I took on an expression of concern and empathy a Meringue queued up. (Thank you, God!) Holding eye contact I coaxed her back onto the floor with, "let's make up for it with a dance where there is no 'wrong'." I worked what little charm I have through the silliness of "the cruise ship dance" until she came back around.

    That smile was worth every sacrifice I've ever made for ballroom.
    chomsky likes this.
  2. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Why I dance changes with time. I first danced because that is what the music evoked. I first learned Salsa because I love the music. I danced because of "three minutes of intimacy". I danced because it improved my social life, and gave me something I was missing in my human interactions. I dance because dancing makes DW and DD happy.

    It changes because some of what it fed then is now taken care of otherwise, and I'm not looking for the same things I did when I started.
  3. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member


    Will you marry me? Or at least dance with me, some time?
  4. Ice Bucket

    Ice Bucket Member

    :D Well done.

    I dance because it feels brilliant. When I was a teenager I raced karts and the buzz I used to get was unlike anything else I've experienced...except dancing. This came as quite a surprise, but dancing is the only thing I've ever done that's come close to giving me that feeling. It feels a bit like flying. I never want to be without it.

    That's enough talk about feelings. I'm off to wrestle a shark while chewing tobacco and carrying a rugby ball in my firm, manly grip.
    bordertangoman and chomsky like this.
  5. Miss Silly

    Miss Silly Well-Known Member

    Awesome story!
  6. Miss Silly

    Miss Silly Well-Known Member

    HAAHAHAHA! did you make it back from your shark wrestling?

    It's funny that you relate it to kart racing. I race stock cars (road race---so not just a continual left turn ;)) and lately i've suddenly discovered so many similarities between dance and even how driving a nice/fast line vrs being in a race is SO much like trying to dance really well at the same time as negotiating floor traffic.... and the endless multi-sensory intake that happens every moment and how the consciousness of that that can drastically change your flow in a split-second LOL.

    Ok. Hijack over :p
    chomsky likes this.
  7. BenjaminT

    BenjaminT Member

    Dancing I can do, marriage needs a little extra.:cool:

    (Though it is nice to be proposed to by a woman for once:rolleyes:...)

    @Toothless: I agree. Originally, I started and quit because I was looking to meet women (and didn't.) After the restart I stayed because I found I actually loved dancing. Being able to connect with another person and move to music has been a catharsis for some of the wounds from my formative years.
    Kelena, chomsky and XL_PT like this.
  8. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Reminds me of "Shall We Dance" (the Japanese original, not that nasty American remake). He started dancing because of the pretty girl with the wistful look, then it was to prove he wasn't a creepy stalker, and finally because he enjoyed it for itself.
  9. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    To your other point, @BenjaminT, making someone smile is certainly a worthwhile goal, but, oddly enough, I got that sort of result at a dance social, while not dancing. I have had a few cases where a woman thanks me for dancing with her (along the lines of "thanks for being patient with a beginner"), to which I'll respond with something like "dancing with a sweet/pretty/graceful/gracious lady like you is all it takes to make it worthwhile", fill in your own complementary adjective, and I'll at least get a smile, if not a happily embarrassed blush.
  10. ajiboyet

    ajiboyet Well-Known Member

    I dance for dance itself. Not for the women, not for the workout, like they advertise, not because I needed better social functioning (I did have really good social skills before I started dancing).

    I love dancing, in itself. I love the music, very classical orchestra waltzes, or down and dirty Celia Cruz numbers. I've gotten to the point where I evaluate every song I hear anywhere for ballroom-dance-worthiness. I've got a thing for learning languages too, so having gigabytes of songs in Spanish and French and Italian (and Russian) don't exactly hurt.

    I love dance.
    chomsky likes this.
  11. BenjaminT

    BenjaminT Member

    ...Sure is great to get past that creepy stalker stage, isn't it?:rolleyes:

    While the idea of meeting women was nice the reality was that it wasn't going to happen. I had just kicked a 60+ hour-a-week gaming habit. To say that I was (still am) awkward is an understatement; I've been told that I make coffee nervous. Knowing this, I dared not do anything untoward.

    *sigh* Well, at least I was compared to the original. That's got to count for something.:lol:
    Gorme likes this.
  12. BenjaminT

    BenjaminT Member

    And, yes, quite a few smiles are won from banter and mild flirtation.
  13. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    I didn't dance to meet girls. I learned partner dance because Salsa music compelled me. But I did start meeting girls pretty quickly.
  14. BenjaminT

    BenjaminT Member

    Hmmm... You might try reading back with the idea that no one accused you of such.

    I was feigning hurt at your unintended equation of me to a creepy stalker.
  15. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Nothing could have been farther from the truth, at least in terms of my intent.
    Just the idea that what first brings us to dance often isn't what makes us stay.

    So perhaps this topic could be divided up into two questions. Why did you start to dance, and why are you still dancing?
  16. Ice Bucket

    Ice Bucket Member

    I see what you mean! It seems to have the same all-absorbing quality as well. While I'm dancing, the rest of the world might as well stop altogether for all I know; I used to get the same thing when I was racing, which was part of why I loved it.

    Speaking of floor traffic, I had to perform an emergency stop during last night's lesson, when a couple suddenly decided to do two spins in a row while the rest of us were waltzing politely in a straight line. :roll:
  17. fayeh

    fayeh Member

    Yes (I'm a lady asking a question), I am interested to know how you started dancing? More specifically, what gave you the idea to even start or try this activity since there are many other activities to choose from?
    chomsky likes this.
  18. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I dance because that is me. Dance defines me.;)

    I am pretty good at it, and when I do so I know it allows me to help others feel good while also feeling good.
    chomsky likes this.
  19. BenjaminT

    BenjaminT Member

    I know, Toothless. Just seeing if you were paying attention.

    I think my introduction post (#103) will give you some background.

    It was chance that I ever arrived. Having the good fortune of picking it up quickly and receiving sincere compliments was positive reinforcement enough. Which is why I've learned to find a way to sincerely compliment newcomers. Fake compliments always sound fake from me, so I go for the most blushingly direct ones.

    In your quest to get more men into it I should think more direct exposure is key. DWTS/SCD and SYTYCD have done wonders but pale in comparison to being right in front of people. So I've been paying attention to which restaurants and shopping centers play suitable music to dance to. I plan on taking prospective competition partners out in public for "free" performance practice sessions. In addition to the benefits for our partnership, it gets ballroom exposed to a wider audience. After which I'll find a way to seat ourselves in an approachable manner, in case anyone is moved enough to ask questions.

    *Also, my old instructor noted that her gym has a nice sprung wooden floor for aerobics classes. Last I heard, there was interest in her having classes there. In such a situation, a woman approaching men at the gym with fliers and asking for help filling out the class is likely to be responded to.
  20. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    This is where culture and exposure factor in. When I was in college, we danced at parties (freestyle). One of my best friends was Puerto Rican, so I was also exposed to Salsa music. I loved it, but didn't really pursue even trying to find any to buy. This was before the internet, so I couldn't satisfy my curiousity as quickly as I can today.

    Zoom forward 15 years later, and my company is offering a Salsa and Swing class in the fitness center, and I have been dancing ever since.

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