General Dance Discussion > my instructor got mad

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by sbrnsmith, Jun 16, 2013.

  1. dbk

    dbk Well-Known Member

    VERY positive attitude :D
    sbrnsmith likes this.
  2. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    Also just want to add that everyone's comments/ replies are greatly appreciated. Whether negative or positive, it really helps me to see all sides and all perspectives.
    fascination likes this.
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    rope spin, spin turn, left whisk, ronde, hover corte, ladies' swivels...a few of the many moves I felt certain were not for me and which I now do well or reasonably well ....very glad I was not in charge of the direction of my dancing
    twnkltoz and Bailamosdance like this.
  4. Purr

    Purr Well-Known Member

    That's interesting to ponder. As I get older - my 30th high school reunion is this Saturday - I find that a lot of things aren't "right" or "wrong", there's somewhere in the middle, or in the "grey area". Further, no one has the same view point as I do on absolutely everything, so tolerance and understanding of other's ideas is needed. It's far too exhausting to be disagreeing with everyone all the time. I have better things to do - like dancing! ;)
    dbk likes this.
  5. Purr

    Purr Well-Known Member

    One way of looking at what you said - With lessons, encouragement, and practice, anything's possible.

    Another way of looking at what you said - You execeeded your expectations regarding what you could accomplish.

    And finally - student paid a lot of money for lessons of which she had no control regarding the instruction she received. An analogy - customer hands sales clerk money for a dress, of which the sales clerk picks out for her with no regard to size, color or style preference.

    It's all in the interpretation.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member view is that it is totally cool for folks to disagree, just not cool for it to be done in such a way that it begins to demonize the's important to be able to share observations, even if blunt, with a certain degree of humility...sometimes, over the internet, that may take a while to post in isolation may seem entire conversation or collection of them brings about a better perspective for evaluating, but most of us don't have the time to do that...
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    perhaps, but I don't see it that that, a dress is worn immediately, a dance move has to be worked on for a while...I mean, she may have been right that it didn't look good on her at the moment... but, I still maintain that the instructor is more likely to know, particularly early on, what is best for the long haul...which is not the same as having no regard...nor is it the same as not being open to the student's input...that being said, I (again) am in no way condoning the way in which it was done in this all
  8. Bailamosdance

    Bailamosdance Well-Known Member

    A student is free to disagree or challenge a teacher, but does so at their own risk. Many teachers, seeing the financial advantage of telling a student not what they need to hear but what they want to hear, use these situations as a way to strengthen the tie they have with a student. Disagreeing with a student should be seen as an indicator of quality and not as a weakness of the teacher.
  9. Purr

    Purr Well-Known Member

    You did a good job of picking out your "clerk", in the sense that you knew something about your instructor before you actually started lessons. In other words, you did your homework.
  10. flightco

    flightco Well-Known Member

    I have to agree with you; I am paying to learn to dance, not be told I already know how.
  11. debmc

    debmc Well-Known Member

    Just read this entire thread. Lots of good posts.

    To the OP: I'm glad that your instructor apologized and you are moving on. I would have to say though that if he has blown up on you and acted unprofessionally once, he will probably do it again. You may be on a slippery slope here. Don't assume it is all okay now. Be prepared for what you should do if it happens again.

    IMV, it is inappropriate for any instructor, or any professional for that matter, to curse, yell or otherwise towards their student. Yes, we are all human and we can all get impatient. It is not okay in my job nor is it okay in an instructors job to use that as an excuse to be verbally abusive.

    In my current student-teacher relationship I can express my opinion, concerns etc. it is part of the learning process. Sometimes his answer is 'yes', sometimes the answer is 'no', but it is never disrespectful. He listens to me, I listen to him, and of course since he is the expert, he has the final say. He has never blown up at me because I raised a concern.

    So I'm glad you're moving on, but please remain mindful of your boundaries and rights in the student teacher relationship.
    danceronice, fascination and leee like this.
  12. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    only the second time...the first time, I knew nothing...and he was still a better judge of what I needed to do than I...beyond that, I am now sure what your point is or how it pertains to my truth, that a student is new increases the likelihood that they don't have a clue regarding their instructor's true competence..not sure what you are getting at (?)
  13. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    and I would add, that key here is how often this sort of thing happens....once every two years? twice a month? if rare enough, I have a tendency to let these things go...but if something like that happens more than a few times in a year, I am a fool to think I won't be seeing it again..all I can do is state, once I have had enough, that if it happens again, it will be the last time...and mean it...I would also say that getting a flower from my pro as an apology would (never happen)make me a bit squirmy....that feels way too much like how a romantic couple works...and, most abusive cycles continue because of the flower sending do be very pragmatic as you proceed sbrn....
    debmc likes this.
  14. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

  15. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    SPAT COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Purr likes this.
  16. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    I agree if it happens again, I will seriously have to make a decision to move on.
  17. danceronice

    danceronice Well-Known Member

    If a student expresses discomfort, dislike, etc. the teacher should explore why and present an alternative view. There's a difference between "I'll never get this" and "You're asking me to flaunt a part of my body with which I'm extremely uncomfortable and it's making it hard." Neither of which precludes the student ever learning it (though "This is physically painful" might; NP is very mindful that I've got a bad knee and if I say 'ow', he wants to know is what I am doing hurting it so we can do something else, but then he's married to his wife, not his choreography.) But how to approach teaching it can change based on why the student's objecting.
  18. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    I don't know what others think about flowers as inappropriate... I didn't give it much thought to be honest other than it is an apology, however, your point is well taken... I just assumed in dance as an artistic field, these things are normal or ok.
  19. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    I couldn't agree more with this... I think in all of the discussion this was getting lost... Do you continue doing something you are uncomfortable with or be able to bring it up? I think becos we have cleared the air and talked it out, that I should be able to ask questions in the future or bring up anything that's uncomfortable so it can be worked thru
  20. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    One thing you could do, in the way of student/teacher relationship building, is have that conversation with *him*, *before* you actually have a question you want to raise.

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