General Dance Discussion > my instructor got mad

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by sbrnsmith, Jun 16, 2013.

  1. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    I really need to clarify this cos I can see this becoming a background question in people's mind. I am not a negative person. I am quite easy going in general and don't give any problems to my instructor. I have a lot of energy and enthusiasm and in general, I am just so happy that I GET to do this, and learn DANCE! I mean, that's amazing! I'm so excited for my classes and when I work for a few days, I just can't wait to get back in the studio and just dance! Y
    The day this happened, I was really questioning this sequence in my chacha. It made me feel anything but sassy and saucy like the chacha. It made me feel clunky and dis coordinated, and it always had. Without even thinking twice, I just said can we do something else? I've tried and I'm not doing this well. And that's it. Now before anyone can tar and feather me for this, it was simply a very heartfelt reaction on my part. Maybe, I should not have said it and "questioned " my teachers authority and expertise. But there was truly no calculated move on my part. I understand he may be frustrated, but as others have noted, we all get frustrated and have bad days. Does not mean its ok to let lose on the paying clientele.
  2. dbk

    dbk Well-Known Member

    If that's the case, it might be a little more of my edit:

    It also does not sound like you were "questioning" him to me (i.e. questioning his abilities) - I should probably have added that. It just sounded like plain old frustration, and IMO it still does...

    And there's nothing bad about that when handled correctly.

    I stated several, several times that his reaction was not justified... repeatedly... so... yeah, I'm really not saying that it is.


    Here's a thought - have you considered seeing a female coach for this sort of thing? Hopefully one is available. She might be able to make you more comfortable with certain things. As a leader, he might be trying to teach you stuff he never actually does. Rare is the leader who can teach the super-feminine aspects of dancing.
  3. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    I did take a couple of lessons with a female dance instructor at the same studio. I think it helped me, but my challenge is to find a way to fit in class with her on top of my already full load of classes, work and other things.
  4. dbk

    dbk Well-Known Member

    Honestly, I would swap out a lesson with your male pro for one (or more) with her. It depends on how your lessons are going with him in general, but if you find yourself frustrated often, seeing another coach instead of (not in addition to) him might help in the long run.

    Of course, I'm heavily in favor of seeing at least 2 coaches regularly, and I personally see 3 (two different styles) even though I don't take all that many lessons. So I'm a bit biased. IMO seeing both partners of a pro partnership gives you very well-rounded info while limiting the amount of conflicting ideas.

    But yeah, dancing while you're in school sucks :(
  5. Bailamosdance

    Bailamosdance Well-Known Member

    Perhaps the next time you might broach the subject thusly: "Can you help me feel better in this piece of choreography? I know I am not feeling it so I know it can't look good either. Why is that?"

    This is a positive approach rather than calling the waaaam-bulance and saying that your opinion of the choreo and how it feels has made you decide that it is wrong for you.
    FancyFeet and twnkltoz like this.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    lol...I am fairly certain that my pro would agree that most of my choreography doesn't look good on me, but I think he has adopted the same approach as my dad; "when you learn to play the cards I gave you, I'll give you better cards"
    Purr, twnkltoz and Bailamosdance like this.
  7. Bailamosdance

    Bailamosdance Well-Known Member

    using this as my new motto:

    "when you learn to play the cards I gave you, I'll give you better cards"
    Mr 4 styles likes this.
  8. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    it has served me cards, and elsewhere :)
    Mr 4 styles likes this.
  9. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Why is this thread still so focused on overanalyzing[1] the original incident over the internet? It seems to me as though the mutual apology and commitment to constructive teaching/learning are being overlooked, and that there's not much more to analyze until we find out how things have gone after that point.

    From my own perspective, the take-home message here is that both teacher AND student are responsible for establishing and contributing to a fruitful, constructive, mutually-rewarding teacher-student relationship. I certainly don't think it's fair to place that responsibility 100% on either party's shoulders, even despite the fact that one party is a customer and the other is a vendor.

    As for "dancing while in school", I suspect sbrnsmith was referring to dance classes (no?). As I recall from an earlier thread, she has career and many side activities that easily would suffice to "keep her off the streets" even before time on the dance floor is considered.

    All of the above aside, sbrnsmith: I note in your post #141 a few statements of the sort, "It made me feel...". I am quick to agree, based on my own experience, that dancing provokes surprising and surprisingly strong emotional reactions. Nonetheless, I firmly assert that one's own emotional reactions are one's own issue; they're not anyone else's issue, and particularly are not one's teacher's issue. The same of course can be said for frustration, anger, or whatever was the case on a teacher's side. I would go so far as to opine that learning to deal with such emotional reactions is part and parcel of learning to dance.

    People who know me would insist, in slack-jawed amazement, that if *I'm* crying "overanalysis", then... whoa...
    Bailamosdance likes this.
  10. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    But yeah, dancing while you're in school sucks :([/quote]

    No, I'm not in school. I just meant between work, dance classes and everything else...
    dbk likes this.
  11. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    No, I'm not in school. I just meant between work, dance classes and everything else...[/quote]

    Sbrnsmith, I believe you stated in a prior post that you are a doctor.
  12. dbk

    dbk Well-Known Member

    Because... it's the internet... and danceforums? That's kind of what we do. :p

    Besides, it's one of the only active threads. I think we're all more or less happy with the resolution/apology.
    Purr and danceronice like this.
  13. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    threads often go into over-analysis once they have been's the nature of the beast, but if folks are still stimulated enough to want to speak to some aspect of it, I see no reason to discourage that...the greater issue is when it trails off into a bunch of other crap that has nothing to do with the this
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    folks are free to start a thread about something which intrigues them as well
  15. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    Twist words much?

    The joys of having discussions on the internet...
  16. FancyFeet

    FancyFeet Well-Known Member

    I agree. When I raise concerns/issues, I try to flip it around like this.

    Of the last two sticky spots I raised, the first got me some additional technique that eliminates (or will, once I get it down) the awkwardness I was feeling, and the second got me new choreography in that spot to address the loss of flow I mentioned.
  17. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    Update, had first of 3 lessons scheduled this week and everything was really good. Pro liked my rental dress that I'm planning to wear for next comp and we had a good lesson. Both of us were very focused and its exactly how I want my lessons to be. He did joke around a little and it made the mood lighter... I think he feels bad in his own way for what happened. I am really hoping we can stay on this track..
    dbk and fascination like this.
  18. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    Good! I hope it continues this way. Despite all that's gone around in this thread, I would not be so forgiving if it happens again.
    debmc likes this.

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