Tango Argentino > Not touchy feely

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Tango Distance, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. Chrisa Assis

    Chrisa Assis Member

    This is all sounding amazing!!!
    You might need to be a bit careful with the ladies, despite the ring and the obvious connection...haha...but still it looks like you are enjoying yourself so much more, which is great..!
    Sometimes a third party doing the smallest, simplest gesture can give us a lot of reassurance but can also remind us that when we put in the work it pays off! It might take some time...haha...but it pays off!
    I would say though instead of trying to figure out what it is that other people have noticed--because it might be all the things you mentioned and much much more--try to focus on what it is that you want to work on more...I mean for everyone of us, there is a special thing we like about Tango...one thing that interests us more than the others. I think if you slightly shift your focus towards that, the change and the progress you are making, might be more obvious to you..!
    Tango Distance likes this.
  2. koinzell

    koinzell Active Member

    Haha, it might be the greatest cause of reluctance in this world!
    Tango Distance likes this.
  3. RiseNFall

    RiseNFall Well-Known Member

    I thought it sounded like the women were comfortable with you, and fond of you, not necessary flirting with you.
    Tango Distance likes this.
  4. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    TD, is there in your community a guy similar to you in terms of tango skill, but single, and not reluctant to close embrace?
    If so, are the ladies also flirting when dancing with him?
    Tango Distance likes this.
  5. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Thanks again to all. It is a good issue about which to be aware.
    For the record, no one has slipped their phone number in my pocket or tried to get me to meet with them outside of dance or without DW. Almost all the ladies are, I'm not sure what would be the best word, professional.

    To answer Newbie first: The younger single guys definitely get flirted with. The married guys don't have ladies flirt with them that I have seen, or maybe it is more subtle. A handful of ladies have been maybe a little too friendly towards me, and I think all of them were recently divorced. RiseNFall, you well could be right, they might just like being around a decent guy. TomTango, you well could be right, they might be actively flirting.

    I also realize things can cover a spectrum: Someone flirting with everyone, someone "practicing" with you, someone casting the largest net they can, "I'm interesting if you happen to find yourself on the market," to someone actively targeting a particular person regardless of their marital status.

    Whether they are flirting or not, it is good to be aware that they might be flirting, and keep it at arms' length and don't embrace it (Ha! A Tango Distance joke!). It is also good to be aware that the newer and less troubled TD might get it more often than the older and consumed-with-avoiding-hugs TD.

    Everything that I might have perceived as flirting occurred outside of actually dancing. This might be Tango Distance being unaware again, I hadn't thought about flirting while doing Tango steps.
  6. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Many thanks for the encouragement. It has been nice to get some clear validation of the many hours I have put in: dance classes, practicing, listening to Tango music, and last but not least, studying and learning psychology stuff.
    While I have wondered how other's perceptions might have changed, don't worry I have stopped short of asking people!

    So what is it that I want? Good question, and to be honest I'm not completely sure. I realize my other hobbies tend to be either more solitary or have more distinct goals. Here is a try at goals... hmmm... goals and wants are not necessarily the same thing... hmmm... recasting that to what I want:
    • DW to be happy
    • To never step on a lady's foot again
    • Lady to smile when cabeceo'd and more importantly at the end of a tanda
    • To not radiate my discomforts to others such that they feel bad for hugging me
    • Learn volcadas and colgadas
    • "Mind reading" dancing
    • To know steps went correctly because "it felt right"
    • In addition to Tango, to continue to also learn Blues, do some Contra, and maybe learn some swing
    There are a small number of ladies that I swear can read my mind. They will even follow my slight movements of indecision! Maybe this is just the mark of an excellent follower, but if it can be developed as a leader skill I'd like to improve in that way.

    That 2nd to last bullet deserves further comment. In my other hobbies, after enough practice I could tell if I did something right by how it felt, even before seeing the official time or speed or measuring the distance or hearing the recording or whatever. I'm not quite that far in my Tango and still need to be reminded of many things by my instructors.
  7. Chrisa Assis

    Chrisa Assis Member

    But isn't this what we all want when we get into social dancing? Meaning to see that the hours and the money we spend are not going to waste but as the time goes by, we are having more and more moments of tango bliss (haha) or better said we open our embrace to a partner with a bright smile on his/her face..! I believe that we want to feel amazing, while we are on the dancefloor, and for that, especially as a leader, I think the less things I need to be worried about while dancing the better..!
    So when I chatted with a few leader friends and students they all had similar answers like yours above--except maybe the volcada part..maybe--so I am sending you an article I posted here, at the end of which I have put together a practice routine, that has helped me work on musicality, improvisation and floor craft, because for me these three are vital in a social environment...so the more comfortable I get with these elements, the more relaxed I can be while leading!
    I hope it will help you too

    Let me know what you think..! :)
    Tango Distance likes this.
  8. itwillhappen

    itwillhappen Active Member

    Chrisa, I really like what and how you write! :)
    So take my remarks with the necessary serenity. haha!

    TIP #1 ... N for unconfident leaders

    Stand stable on one leg - you can train that the hole day long, during shaving, waiting for the bus!
    And be sure - it's very difficult for tangueras to stand stable on high heels and they can't train that often.

    Never look how elegant guys like Sebastián Achaval walk - look how lazy Oscar Casas handles a tanguera.
    Move in cross system as often as you can and be variant stepping into that and back.
    You're quite more flexible to swing from one side to the other and to turn your tanguera steadily.

    During pauses move her on one leg, and turn her a while around.
    Lift the frame a bit up so that she stops trying to step arbitrary.
    After some repetitions she will love that as a time for embellishments.

    Think more towards Muhammad Ali vs. Joe Frazier - let your partner be uncertain about your twinkle-toed footwork.
    Deke your steps ... down, project, reject, up, turn ... BUT DON'T PUNCH! :nurse:

    Kick musicality out of your critical path - it will daunt you and consume too much time! :oops:
    If you start listening to the music and move slow if it is slow, move fast if it is fast, pause if there is no beat ...
    ...you are in the upper class already!
    Chrisa Assis and Tango Distance like this.
  9. Chrisa Assis

    Chrisa Assis Member

    Hi hi!!!
    Thank you so much for your thoughts and the tips! And the DON'T PUNCH note!!!haha
    I would like to add only something that I learned from a friend teaching yoga, that I found very interesting...
    She said don't try to focus on balance but on alignment!
    Often times we find ourselves balanced but our bodies are not properly aligned creating tension and struggles while we dance--and they do yoga..! This way we will not only get stronger and feel more secure over our axis but while we dance--or do yoga--we get to understand our bodies from within, we get inhabit them again!
  10. koinzell

    koinzell Active Member

    Never look at anyone! Dance who you are!
  11. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    We need role models and we need to choose them wisely
  12. koinzell

    koinzell Active Member

    It's nice to have people to look up to but one must adapt the dance to their own body type and personality.
  13. itwillhappen

    itwillhappen Active Member

    My tangueras wouldn't like that - I'm an IT-Nerd. :cool:
    Mladenac likes this.
  14. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    And to the partner's as well ;)
  15. tangobro

    tangobro Active Member

    not by a long shot.
    seen on a NYC subway:


    evidently a marketing department thinks there is a demographic.

    p.s. I know TD was not this extreme, and has come a long way, but the ad reminded me of this thread:)
    Mladenac, Angel HI, dchester and 3 others like this.
  16. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Thanks for posting that pic! I might need to move to New York to get away from people! :cool:

    Here are a couple of quotes I just read from "The Machine Stops" by E. M. Forster:

    [A lady is visiting her son.] ... She was too well-bred to shake him by the hand. ...

    ... she behaved barbarically -- she put out her hand to steady her.
    "How dare you!" exclaimed the passenger. "You forget yourself!"
    The woman was confused, and apologised for not having let her fall. People never touched one another. The custom had become obsolete ...
  17. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    Milonga Headaches

    It is very rare that I get a headache, and I can almost always point to the fumes that caused it. TD's Tango history started with dancing 1/3 or 1/2 of the Tandas, but fairly recently I started dancing almost all of them. I also started doing a little bit of close embrace with some ladies I know and like. It wasn't every time, but I started getting headaches after milongas. "Oh great," I thought, "of all people now I have this issue!" My first thought was maybe it was someone's perfume, and thought to start making charts of who I danced with. I figured 15 to 20 milongas later I would have the offender sniffed out. Wait a minute, that's being too simple, and could lead to as many as 20 headaches. I could use a bisection approach. Let's assume just one person was the culprit. I'd dance with 1/2 of the available ladies the 1st milonga. Headache would mean the suspect was in that pool, no headache would mean the other half contained the suspect. I could keep dancing with the "cleared" half, and the next milonga dance with half of the suspect pool, etc. Now I would need just ceil(log base 2 of the number of ladies), so 4 or 5 milongas should do it, and on average I would only suffer 2 or 3 headaches figuring it out.

    Another thought was perhaps I was so stressed about CE or that many OE interactions it was literally making my head hurt. While I'd like to be a complete master of my brain, I have to admit sometimes it runs off and does its own thing. I wanted to think that I was enjoying things to the point I actually wanted to do all those tandas, but I realized I am the Tango Distance. Maybe my subconscious was screaming at me. So another plan was to dance every other Tanda, and maybe with 10 minutes of the brain doing self maintenance between tandas it would be OK.

    I did another milonga, and had not yet put plan A or plan B into effect. I awoke with perhaps the worst headache yet. I stepped on the scale, and was surprised to see I had lost 1.5 kg in one day. I then had a liter of fluid with breakfast, and went on to consume a total of 5 liters of fluid in about 8 hours, with only one rest room visit, with low output, during that time. OK, I think I have this figured out, I have become Tango Dehydration. With the leisurely pace of dancing every other tanda, there was plenty of time to drink water regularly. With that busy busy busy every tanda schedule of late, I was not drinking any water. I have been more conscientious with my water intake, and have not had any more milonga headaches.
    Mr 4 styles, RiseNFall and raindance like this.
  18. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    Duh......it's exercise.. :D;):eek: you probably losee 500 cc per hr or more. Much more if you drink alcohol at the event.
    Tango Distance likes this.
  19. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    For someone that bikes 30 km in 40 C heat, does cross country skiing with 1 km of elevation gain, and plays 1+ hours of basketball at a time, Tango just doesn't seem like exercise -- I'm not tired after a night of Tango. As someone who has never had a dehydration headache previous to Tango, despite some very serious exercise in hot weather and heavy sweating, it was a big surprise to me. I have always been conscientious about drinking water and never had a problem until Tango. I think the big difference is the Tango events are 3 or 4 hours long, so the energy expenditure (and water loss) might be closer to an hour of hard exercise than I realized.

    Mr. Designated Driver here does not drink alcohol at Tango events.

    0.5 L/hr is a significant water loss!

    BTW, I do feel tired after a night of Contra dancing.
  20. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    75 kg Sport Fishing

    She seemed like a nice, sedate, and calm older lady. The music started, the dancing started... Wait, I'm not sure I could call this dancing. She whirled around the boat at high speed. I was unable to reel her in. I couldn't even motor down the line of dance. I was stuck in the middle of a tornado. This was reaching the crisis point, if a couple danced into her it could have resulted in a dancers down event worthy of my local news. Desperate times call for desperate measures... I recalled she often danced close embrace with others and probably would not mind if I tried that. I recalled an instructor saying close embrace is a good way to control the follower. In a desperate attempt to get control of the situation, I tried a tenative CE hold. She repeatedly slammed into me, ricocheted away, and continued circling the boat. I had reeled in some line, but the fight was still on. OK, it was time to pull this one into the boat. I did a close embrace hold worthy of a police reality TV show suspect take down, no joke it was strong enough to have held a bag of gravel. While the fish still flopped uncontrollable, we were finally able to progress down the line of dance, all while I was getting grinned at and she appeared to be having a fantastic time. I kid you not, in the course of the whole song we made it only 5 meters down the line of dance, despite it being a large floor (a full size basketball court) and few enough dancers for lots of room. At the end of the song I apologized to her for my lack of experience, and asked if she would like to continue. She gave me a nod of approval and then a glance down the line of dance, reminiscent of Vin Diesel in the Fast and Furious just before the race begins. Was it my imagination, or did the room lights briefly go green when the music started? We were off! TD was hanging on for dear life. She would slam into TD, rub against him, struggle away to do a tornado molinete, grin like she was on a roller coaster, and run her left hand up and down TD's body. TD managed to work in the occasional step down the line of dance. No joke, despite enough space for 4x the people, in three songs we made it around the floor only once.

    I'm still trying to decode this one. Was it ethanol fueled madness? The Tango equivalent of grinding? A rite of passage? Delight in the dancing discomfort of the Distance? Had it been a younger lady I would have ended the tanda early, but I cut some slack for those old enough to be my mom... or perhaps grandma.

    Later that night, she accepted an invite from an elderly gentleman. I watched with keen interest and best wishes for his safety. What's this? They are stepping slowly and she is following nicely. I made a note to ask him his secrets.

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