one guys beginning dance struggles

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by wiseman, Jun 16, 2010.

  1. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    I’m a 24 year old guy that started going for Ballroom and Latin dance classes. I did it to help me with my confidence. Most of the women at these group classes are middle-aged, while there are a couple that are my age. The couple of young girls my age, I danced with but both had an excuse that their feet hurt. These were at two different times. The first class, one young girl couldn’t dance with me AT ALL because her feet were hurting her badly. The second class, I danced with another young girl and we danced for a while, but she had to stop because her feet were hurting. Now this is probably just an excuse. My mom thinks so because she said it’s the #1 excuse women make to get out of dancing. I even did some research and it’s true. When women can’t stand dancing with someone, they say their feet hurt so they can break away. The reason young women are like this is because they want to dance with a good leader.

    Now that’s what I find strange. This is a BEGINNER’S class. So, I don’t understand why these young women can’t be cooperative and dance with a man who is also beginning. You’re not going to find many men at these dance classes, let alone one that can lead like a pro. So, what they’re expecting is a bit unusual. At least, I’m not stepping on her feet or anything. And I try to be gentle when dancing. Some men do step on feet and they’re rough when leading. And the instructor told me that I’m one of these few men that’s picking up real fast. So, I know I will dance well in no time. It just takes time. I just wish these young girls would give me a chance. And with the shortage of men and all, you'd thing all these girls would be thrilled to dance with ANY man.

    And it’s funny. When I dance with the older women (40+), they’re all perfectly ok with dancing with me. They know we’re all beginning and they appreciate my effort. Yet, the young ones…forget about it.

    So, why on earth are young women so picky with whom they’re dancing with at a beginner’s group dance class?
  2. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Don't make generalizations. That situation is occurring in your particular class, but it doesn't mean that all young women are picky about their dance partners.

    I've attended lots of classes - ballroom, salsa, swing, whatever...and never seen any women of any age exhibit the behavior you described. Your situation has happened to you with only two followers out of all the people in your studio, correct? Could just be coincidence. Try different classes or a different studio.
  3. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    Yeah, you could be right. There's not many young people at this dance studio anyway. It was just those two, lol. And their group classes are all over the place and they're a bit money hungry. So, I had to stop going there. I'm currently looking for a new dance studio somewhere in NYC. Hope to find one soon. And if I do, I hope it will be a better experience.
  4. Lorelei

    Lorelei Member

    Perhaps because they can be? ... supply and demand, you know ;-)
  5. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    I'm sorry. I don't understand what you mean. Yes, there is a shortage of men who dance and a lot of women want to dance. So, there is a high demand. So, you'd think my experience would be the opposite. Yes, with the low supply of men out there, I don't understand why they would be picky. And based on my observation and from talking with my friends who DO dance, leading is very hard and not many men are very good at it. So, for women to want a good leader or nobody, they're asking for too much. They're going to end up dancing by themselves.
  6. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    let me offer another slant...first of all neither you nor your mother, unless she wears heels dancing regularly, can appreciate how that can legitimately be an issue...as someone who has danced with bengay on her feet and with bleeding feet.... men, in their lovely flats, have no clue...so don't be too quick to assume they are lying until you strap on those instruments of torture..beyond that, many older women opt for a more sensible shoe and/or are less inclined to be phased by pain...we have been through enough pain to realize what it really is, so we either pick more sensibly or bear up under it more graciously or our tough old feet have gotten acclimated...doesn't neccessarily mean the young ones are lying...the best thing you can do as a new guy is put away your ego
  7. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    True - unless it's one of those places where lots of good leaders line up for a pretty young girl who can't dance very well. But that's another topic which has been addressed in other threads. Anyway, if that happens at all, it's more likely to happen at a social dance, not in a class where everyone is required to rotate partners. And Fasc makes a good point that foot pain can be legitimate...could just be coincidence that the ladies in question were young, or maybe they didn't choose sensible shoes.
  8. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    I should also add that this studio does not rotate partners. They just say "pick any partner and let's try this dance."

    And that's why I said the group classes are all over the place. Heh! :D
  9. Mengu

    Mengu Active Member

    Their feet probably do hurt. And those girls probably just need to "get over it." And if they have ulterior reasons, it's probably less age related and more personality related. I'd say dance with whoever will dance with you, and don't worry about the age or people's behavior so much, worry more about learning what's being taught.
  10. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Oh! Well, that explains a lot, too. I still wouldn't take it personally if someone doesn't agree to dance with you in a particular class on a particular day...but you are right to seek another studio.
  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    precisely
  12. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    I really do apologize. It definitely can be legitimate. In fact, I actually did think it was legitimate, but then my mom put the idea in my head. I figured she's a woman, is older and dances occasionally, then she must know more about this stuff. It's annoying sometimes when parents try to insist that they know it all and they pass their opinions off as fact.
  13. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    moms know alot ...and it isn't out of the realm of possibility...but, just as wisdom comes with age, so too can innappropriate levels of cynicism....bottom line is that since you don't know...it serves no uselful service to assume the worst and be upset or offended when it may not even be the case...thye could feel insecure about their own dancing and since you are their own age, doubly embarrassed...no worries though:)...this is what we are her for
  14. tanya_the_dancer

    tanya_the_dancer Well-Known Member

    Just another slant - if there is a surplus of women, and it sounds like men are picking the partners (since if a woman was picking a partner, she wouldn't be in a position to decline), why are you picking the younger ones who don't want to dance with you? And what's your definition of middle-aged? (I ask because I know from experience that young men might have somewhat skewed definitions of middle age).
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    sounds to me like he is asking all of them...he states there is no problem with women older than himself...since he is 24 I am thinking his definition of middle age is probably within an a realistic parameter
  16. latingal

    latingal Moderator Staff Member

    First of all, welcome to DF wiseman! And welcome to the wonderful world of learning ballroom dancing!

    I would go with some of the advice already posted here, give people the benefit of the doubt, dance with anybody who really loves it and wants to learn - no matter the age, and enjoy it.

    You've got a good attitude about learning, it will just take you time and practice. And you sound like you have an open mind. So, even though it may be more fun to dance with people of your own age, it's all about the dancing and what it does for you. Keep that in mind and enjoy the process!

    Best of luck to you in your dancing!!
  17. wiseman

    wiseman New Member

    I wasn't picking. The instructor asked me to dance with the young ones. For some reason, I guess he wants me to dance with people my own ago.

    And middle-aged is about 50+. Some are a tad younger (in their 40s). I had to dance with the older women since I had no choice since the 1 or 2 young ones there had foot pain. But the instructor didn't look too happy that I was dancing with older women, but what can you do? I dance with whoever wants to dance with me.

    I'm finding another dance studio regardless because this one is too money hungry. They kept taking advantage of me by making me sign up for these expensive Teacher Training classes and when I refused, he kept on shoving me to this private instructor that was lousy. He didn't want me to pick the one I wanted for private lessons. It's a long story, but the classes are all over the place and they're taking advantage of me because they're too hungry for money. So, I'll try to find a place that's better, more organized and rotates partners. Usually, they rotate partners in these group classes. I don't understand why this particular studio doesn't.

    And FYI- I'm going for both private and group lessons.
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

  19. Lorelei

    Lorelei Member


    I mean that if they are in fact being picky (which may or may not be so, after all beginner girls feet do hurt), perhaps they feel that they don't have a shortage of partners. If they felt that they have to compete for guys, they will probably dance even when their feet hurt. In a studio my partner used to teach at, there was a situation when young girls were not at first very enthusiastic about dancing, and then when a good leader came around they started competing with each other for that best leader. Either way, the only thing a person can control is their own dancing, can't control what other people do. Good luck and I am sure you will find a right partner, you seem to have a good attitude towards learning.
  20. TinyDancer109

    TinyDancer109 Well-Known Member

    Welcome to DF, wiseman!! :)

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