Dancers Anonymous > Online Dating-Your Experiences, Thoughs Etc (or-AM I NUTS?)

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by Phil Owl, Apr 18, 2005.

  1. Phil Owl

    Phil Owl Well-Known Member

    The Owl is now flying into (for me) uncharted territory here.

    Well this VERY unattached Owl, though very content with life in many ways started to get tired of flying solo all the time, I'm coming out of my long hiatus from The Dating Wars.

    So, being that I am fairly busy at times and am not about to do the bar scene (SHUDDERING :roll: ) or anything like it, I decided to take a plunge into the online dating world (namely match.com, subscribing for 3 months to try it out) figuring I would have FAR better chances of encountering a wise owlette who I actually have things in common with and at least somewhat compatible with.

    So far, got areply from a VERY beautiful lady here in ATL and want to meet her in person this week.

    This Owl would like to hear your experiences, thoughts, wisdom advice and what not on this subject.

    Post away-----------------------------
     
  2. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Never done it...I have quite a few friends through dancing etc and so am pretty happy, myself. Good luck on your date. :cheers:
     
  3. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Not familiar with match.com.

    I've gone the eharmony route. Very impressed! They have a detailed and lengthy initial personality questionaire that takes awhile to complete. Once I got through this they only send matches that seem to be compatible.

    I've used the site twice. The first time I was very selective in whom I chose to meet, but had three good initial dates with nothing developing beyond that for various reasons. Then I met someone locally, and stopped, but just recently started up again. So far met one very nice match, but not sure how it will go form here.

    For me it an extension of my dating activitees, and I use the same principles I have found to work when meeting ladies in other circumstances, and have enjoyed the experience.

    I willing to share more detail or answer questions if folks have them?
     
  4. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    I've not started yet (holding at separation plus 8 months with no court date set yet), but my counselor wants me to get very involved with something like match.com so I can re-learn dating skills (atrophied greatly after 28 years of dis-used) as well as to recognize the warning flags.

    In preparation, I've talk with some single (also divorced) friends who have used match.com in the past. One described how she had to set up a card file system to keep track of all her contacts, just so she could keep them all straight. Another described how she got 200-300 "winks", which led to [I forget how many] email contacts, which led to fewer than a dozen initial meetings, when led to a handful of first dates, which led to repeat dates with one or two guys.

    In other words, you will be filtering through several potential hits (though I don't know whether the numbers would be as high for a guy; as a guy I'll be in the same boat as you) and it takes time and effort to do that. Both girls had since gone inactive because it was just too much work. Maybe that was because of how they were going about it, but then again how would it have worked if they hadn't done it that way (eg, end up routinely making mistakes like winking at somebody you had snubbed earlier and renewing contact with somebody you had wanted to avoid).

    But when I get started down the same path in a month or two (I'm still overwhelmed trying to schedule setting up housekeeping around my dancing) I will undoubtedly do something like the file-card system.
     
  5. TemptressToo

    TemptressToo Member

    I've not tried it. I've heard mixed reviews though...

    Funny story. A guy friend of mine became very close to a girl on the other end of a computer and cell phone. Their online romance lasted for some time until the girl confided with my friend that she was terminally ill. Time passed and the girl "died." My friend was heart-broken and destraught. He even had the late girl's name tattooed on his person in memory.

    Some time passed and my friend discovered the ex-terminally ill girl was not dead at all. Complete hoax. He was now enraged and was sporting a memorial to a not-dead person he really didn't even know on his person.

    That said...better be darn sure you get what you are looking/paying for.
     
  6. cl5814

    cl5814 New Member

    I have also tried eharmony.com website. At least the matches that they send you, have been screened and there is a big possibility that you have things/view points in common. I'll stick to it for now.
    (have also tried match.com but don't think it will work as well as eharmony. too many potential dates that you don't know anything about. what you see is not what you get !)
     
  7. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    Hope not to offend anyone, but I had thought this hilarious when I read it. There's a satire "newspaper" posted on the web somewhere (sorry, I forget now) with phony articles. One headline read: "On-line Lesbian Relationship Ends in Tragedy When Both Men Meet in Person". Similarly, in the Star Trek section of CompuServe's Sci-Fi forum, "Will Wheaton" would frequently post messages whining about how nobody liked Wesley Chrusher.

    All we know about anyone we meet on-line, even here, is what that person tells us (assuming it's a person, unless we're caught within a Turing Test) and how he/she/it presents himself/herself/itself to us. I do believe that most of us do present ourselves somewhat honestly, but there are those few (more heavily represented on certain other forums) who like to pretend to be someone or something else in order to fool people. Not much we can do about it except to realize that possibility.

    And, cl5814, certainly eharmony appears (to me, not having tried it) to do much more of the filtering work for you. However, there again you are depending on the other person having been honest in filling out their questionaire and in posting their profile.

    Anyway, it's way too soon for me to search for a "soul mate" (already had one and she's the one who filed for divorce), but rather I'm needing to get out there are relearn dating, so match.com would appear to be the better match for me (no pun intended). Besides, if I have to do more of the filtering myself, then I'll learn more about handling that aspect of dating.
     
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I'm going to sound like a total jerk, I know that. But I don't believe in soul mates, period. I believe in close matches and a heck of a lot of hard work. (I know. Shoot me, and withdraw my hopefully romantic membership card. :lol: :lol: )

    Never done the online thing. I probably won't since a lot of my first-time assessment of a potential date/romance is hocus pocus and gut feelings, which don't work over the internet. :oops: :lol: :lol:

    I know a couple couples who've successfully met and gotten together online. One couple is happily married. So it must be working for somebody. It's probably worth a try. 8)
     
  9. I met my last girlfriend from an ad that she had on excite.com We dated for 4+ years and we really had a wonderful time, but we couldn't come to any terms to take it any further. She was the first person I responded to and we emailed back and forth for about 3 months and then decided to meet. We went to Paris, Rome, Hawaii, Vegas, Florida, California, Grand Canyon... and just had alot of fun. So, I would say that they do work out. My aunt has been dating a guy for about 5 years that they met online. They live together, but I don't think she wants to remarry. But, they're very happy.

    I just signed up for a service a few weeks ago and notified some women, but never heard back from them, except for one who declined. But, I received about a dozen winks from interested parties, but they weren't my type except for one that I just received. We've talked a couple of times on the phone and we're supposed to meet tomorrow! I don't have high hopes, because you just never know what to expect. She says she's met quite a few and I'm sure has had a ton of replies. My ex-girlfriend said she had a couple of hundred replies to her ad too. A lady next door to me who's around 52 and widowed said she's interviewed over 1000 guys and has met about 150! over the course of a few years. She said they're all short, bald and fat (she resembles that remark) and don't have any property to offer her (alot still live at home). A number of them would travel from out of state and stay with her and she'd give them all kinds of projects to get done! From roof repairs to painting... It sounds like the women have the guys eating out of the palms of their hands! :lol:
     
  10. Tasek

    Tasek New Member

    Well put, very well put!! :notworth: :notworth:

    You're not a jerk, and i'm not going to shoot you, just wish more people would get over this ridiculous soul mate, 'you're my one and only..' crap.
     
  11. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    I'm with ya there.

    Of course, I'm an eHarmony reject... ;)
     
  12. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    Triple ditto! There must be at least 20 men for me. In each state.

    Hee hee!

    Actually, I feel something welling up deep within me when I hear someone proclaim they have met their soul mate. And then I go to the restroom and toss it up.
     
  13. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    No, you're just being realistic. I'm the one who should be shot for still being a romantic. And for still being monogamous (with no one to be faithful to).

    But instead of using the term in its strict sense (eg, like the Mexican media naranja, "half orange" -- hence my putting it in quotation marks, in which everyone is like half of an orange and they look for their other half to become whole again), I was refering to looking for someone to fall in love with. Even though that is what most people mean by "a relationship", there are a lot of different kinds of relationships that we are in all the time.


    On one company's VAX-11 system I encountered the fortune program, that when run would randomly print out one fortune-cookie-like remark. One was:
    Lonely men go to bars. Lonely women stay at home. They never meet.

    For my age range, there are more single women than single men (approx. 1.5 to 1, not counting the guys deemed to be not "relationship material" -- Single women ask, "Where are the men?"). So where are they? I probably see a lot of them every day, but how do I identify them as both single and not in a relationship (oops! even I use that term that way!)? I haven't checked out the literature, but it seems that a large amount of what's written for singles just involves ideas of where and how to meet other singles.

    Sites like match.com simply provide another way to meet other singles. It doesn't mean leaving your instincts at home, even though it does give you a little less to work with (eg, not being able at first to see their demeanor and bearing). You still need to go through those first conversations, albeit at first via email, then by phone, then finally the first face-to-face meetings. You just don't have as much to go on for that very first impression.

    However, for me that problem is largely solved, since it seems that most of the women around my age whom I meet through dancing are single. All the more reason for guys to learn to dance!
     
  14. TemptressToo

    TemptressToo Member

    No offense taken on my part. In fact, I too found it hilarious. Poor Cam.
     
  15. Purr

    Purr Well-Known Member

    Has anyone tried a dating service? I called the "It's Just Lunch" service here in town, and I was horrified at the prices. It was $1500 for up to 14 dates in a year's time. I passed. :shock:
     
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    They had an office in Orlando, where I used to live, but the ads turned me off. It looked, to me, like a hangout for the wannabe elite type. Eww. I like real people, not wannabes. Whatever you are, that's fine. Super rich, upper class, middle class, down-to-earth. Confidence is what attracts me. "Just Lunch" made me think of upwardly mobile, social climbing types, aspiring to a higher rung on the ladder. Not my type. I never even got to ask about the price tag. :?
     
  17. Leah

    Leah New Member

    Both my brother and sister are very happily in LTR's with people they met on-line, so I suppose it works for some.

    Personally, seeing a person "in their element" is the key to attraction, so "blind dates" generally don't work for me.

    It's just different strokes for different folks, I guess.

    Re: the soulmate issue - I have a slightly different take on this. I don't necessarily think that there is a single, mystical "soulmate" out there for each person (or any person). However, I do believe that there are some connections between people (whether platonic or romantic) that are extremely rare - but which, when they occur, can be startingly, almost supernaturally powerful.

    In other words, I like to think "soulmates" exist. I just don't think that each person necessarily has "one."
     
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Having lived through a "soulmate" connection, yes, I believe they exist. I just don't think they last, without a heck of a lot of hard work. Yes. When you meet certain people, it feels like magic. Although I personally have come to believe that there's often a whole lot of psychological history for why that's true, but whatever.

    So yeah. Soulmate. But what happens five or ten or twenty years later is, IMO, the product of a lot of hard work on both sides, regardless of whether there were sparks to start out or just a gentle glow. And sometimes, even a lot of hard work isn't enough. *shrug*
     
  19. Leah

    Leah New Member

    I take your point and admire your thoughtfulness Pygmalion (as usual). :)

    I suppose I would say that yes, long-term romantic relationships which involve a substantial investment of time/personal space require LOTS of hard work from both sides.

    However, I don't necessarily think that having a "soulmate" requires hard work. I guess I am just making a point of interpretation/semantics. I think it's possible to have that connection with someone with whom you're not sharing a romantic relationship or a living space, that can be relatively effortless.

    Hmmmm. Mostly I am musing about this because I am coming back from spending a weekend with a best friend (female) who I'd say is effectively a soulmate... although we have been living at quite a distance for some time.
     
  20. Phil Owl

    Phil Owl Well-Known Member

    I'd pass too, that's ridiculous!! Enough to turn your purr into an angry snaaaarrrrllllll! [​IMG]
     

Share This Page