Dancers Anonymous > Online Dating-Your Experiences, Thoughs Etc (or-AM I NUTS?)

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by Phil Owl, Apr 18, 2005.

  1. lujan

    lujan New Member

    I'm currently watching my best friends relationship fall apart, she is dating a dancer, and I can see that this is going to be very very nasty.

    Still, when you have a 2yr old son, you tend to accept any girl that wants to date you, regardless of age/dancing etc.
     
  2. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    One of my very good friends dated a dance instructor and she became insanely jealous of him dancing with other women, and teaching late at night and attending socials (She does not dance and was not interested in learning.) to the point it was making her sick, so she finally broke up with him. :?
     
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    It's a pity she didn't at least try some dancing herself. Maybe that would've helped her understand the real deal... Or maybe she had just cause for the jealousy. Mmm. Bummer, all around. :(
     
  4. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    She did try some dancing. (I know because I invited her to the socials, and it was at a party at my house where she met this guy) on several occasions. She had too many other hobbies- rock climbing, competitive mountain biking and running to get into dancing. Dancing is not for everyone.
     
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh. True. Dancing isn't for everyone. You can't imagine how I bite my tongue when I read some DF posts which sound as if dancing is the panacea that will cure all the world's ills. Uhh... no. I don't think that at all.

    In my previous post, I was speculating that, if your friend had joined in with the dance community, perhaps she might have better understood that teacher/student relationships can be and often are completely platonic. She might not have had anything to worry about.

    Then again, she might. It's impossible for me to know what was going on between her and her boyfriend. *shrug*
     
  6. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    Very , very many people have jealousy problems with people they are dating who dance with others- on almost every other thread on this forum someone mentions how irked they feel if their SO is out dancing late with strangers. The people with jealousy problems have insecurity problems, but that, again, (sigh), is human nature and thus many people tend to have those feelings.
     
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hmm. Interesting perspective. I don't necessarily think jealousy equates with insecurity problems, although I do agree that extreme jealously often does.

    Uhh... a couple things. I think some level of jealousy is normal. When I'm in a relationship with a guy, there are some things in his friendships with other women that are perfectly okay with me and some that are not. I have limits, so I suppose you could call me jealous. But I'm not insanely so.

    Actually, I've had quite a few friends and family members tell me that I'm crazy for giving my men as much freedom as I do. As far as I can tell, if a guy wants to be faithful to me, he will. If he wants to mess around, he will. There's not a thing I can do about that, so I'm not going to spend a lot of time worried about it. But that doesn't mean that anything goes. 8)

    The other thing is that, when you're in a relationship that involves infidelity, a couple things almost always happen. One, the innocent partner can generally tell something's wrong. And two, the unfaithful partner almost always lies. So the innocent partner can become extremely distrustful. And, from the outside, it may look like that person is insanely jealous. Maybe their jealousy is the only sane thing to do. Heck. It's better than denial. :lol: :lol:

    Relationships are complicated things, I think. So what works for me may be totally unacceptable for somebody else. *shrug*
     
  8. flashdance

    flashdance Active Member

    I've met many girls through the Interweb but have now had the sense not to bother with it anymore. This is my own opinion of course.. maybe I've had too many bad experiences :lol:

    I've actually gone off dating... much prefer to make love to a dance floor with my feet than anything else :lol:

    Yes, I'm insane but I'd rather pay a small fortune for dance shoes than an evening out at a restaurant 8)
     
  9. lujan

    lujan New Member

    This is very true, I know my best friend's bf tends to 'hog' her all night, which we were taught is the height of rudeness. In set dancing, we were taught that at a dance night one should spend 1/3rd of your time dancing with strangers, 1/3 with friends/partners etc, and 1/3rd with new people. Its very frustrating when I want to dance with my friend, but her bf always grabs her. She is a beautiful dancer, and has taught me a lot.

    Nothing turns new people off dancing than if noone will show them the steps. I am eternally grateful to the girls who noticed me standing awkwardly at the side of the dancefloor on my first night and dragged me up.

    It doesn't bother me when my current interest dances with someone else. I know that at the end of the night, the last dance is generally with me.
     
  10. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    it's actually quite significant if you consider the downstream impact of interracial marriages - the children.

    for those of you who are the product of an interracial union or are in one with children, i'd be interested to hear whatever you'd be willing to share on your perspectives on cultural identity as well as how such children are embraced by the cultures of their parents.

    i recall from my college days somone whose father was a polish diplomat stationed in beijing. his mother was a chinese national. he didn't look all that asian but it seemed that he identified with the culture of his mother as he hung around only with asians - even though i'm sure a large percentage of his mother's culture would not have accepted him. i understand that during the war, the vietnamese routinely castrated males whose fathers were american GI's. and you've got hapa associations on most major college campuses nowadays.
     
  11. DancingMommy

    DancingMommy Active Member

    When I've got more than a quick second, I'll get back to this.

    Nina <--- Wife to Chinese/Indonesian Immigrant, Mom to 2 Asian-American children. :)
     
  12. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Interesting and thanks for the update.

    Good luck with your search, too!
     
  13. dancin_feet

    dancin_feet New Member

    Actually it's going to be interesting for me to test this with my new SO. We have known each other for 18 months, but only really officially been "together" for a little less than two weeks. Neither of us have had a problem dancing with other people before, so it will be interesting to find out if our new relationship will change that. I personally don't see a problem, but you never know, do you?

    For the 2-3 weeks that we were "getting together" he was getting me up for rumbas and waltzes, that's all. Kind of showing his intentions through his dance choice. Curious to see if he dances with me more or keeps it the same at the studio party this week. Incidentally this will probably be the party that we will be revealing our relationship to the others at the studio, so it's bound to be an interesting night! :lol:
     
  14. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Good luck. :D
     
  15. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    Hmmm ... my suggestion would be to see if you can build a conciously loving relationship before revealing the relationship to your studio. It might be tricky to do this, but with practice, patience, and perserverance things will work out ok. Also, if you keep your relationship a secret, you'll discover how eachother feels about dancing with others as well.
     
  16. dancin_feet

    dancin_feet New Member

    I'm not one for keeping secrets. The people at the studio are my adopted family. Besides I think it's going to be obvious to a few people who have been looking for this to happen for a few months now, even if we try to act like nothing is going on. Going to be a tough thing to keep hiding. Just don't think that a new relationship needs that sort of stress. If we just acknowledge it, then the attention and fanfare will peak for a while but then drop off. Whereas if we keep trying to hide it, the attention will always be there.
     
  17. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    I can respect that. I guess you'll still find out about the dancing with others stuff anyway.
     
  18. lujan

    lujan New Member

    Its been my experience that keeping a secret from fellow dancers is about as easy as travelling faster than the speed of light.

    The last few weeks I noticed a girl at dancing was paying me more attention than usual, she's a few years younger than me, so I'm taking it semi serious, just flirting, having fun. Now everyone is asking me if we are together, and when I say no, they ask if I am going to do anything. (often with that dissaproving look reserved for when 20 something guys date teenagers). I didn't think we were being obvious at all. I certainly don't flirt with her anymore than any of the other girls. But apparently it shows, because suddenly everyone thinks we are a couple.

    I know her last boyfriend, who was about my age thought they had kept it secret, but everyone knew. he still denies it sometimes, even though he knows she's told me.
     
  19. dancin_feet

    dancin_feet New Member

    I know what you mean lujan. We've been good friends for a while now, but the rumours started when we were cast in our studio's Rocky Horror group routine as Brad and Janet (the instructor's doing!!). We weren't obvious at all, already being friends, but everyone started rumours about us so we decided to have fun with it for a while and play up to the taunts, but somewhere along the line it's gotten real.

    There's no point in living in secrecy. The lies you have to tell to maintain the facade are just too much trouble. Plus you can't "be together" when you are in a group, which just feels wrong.
     

  20. Congratulations. I hope everything works out well. :)
     

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