Salsa > Parental disapproval

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by thespina13, Oct 2, 2006.

  1. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member

    Yep; under my roof, you’ll do as I say [​IMG]

    You go big goy ! [​IMG]

    All kidding aside, it’s something you can say when you are a dancer, and it is something a dancer can very well relate to.

    But for a non-dancer, that is actually as believable as a one liner like :

    "I think we should see other people"

    Every body knows what it really means is " ha ha, I allready am"

    It is sometimes hard for a non dancer to believe that you are dancing for the shear joy of the dance, and of the moment you share with someone, and not just to go find new partners, because to them the only experience they had with dance is frat parties and drunk discos…

    It is even harder when you say that you are dancing salsa, because of all the false ideas people have (movies are no stranger to that).

    For example, it has happened to me more then once to go to a dancing place with friends or co-workers and have them come to me after a dance and tell me :
    “Was that your girl friend? Boy you looked so intimate and so sensual together! Got to be at least someone you are sleeping with, right?”

    So as hard as you love dancing, and as inocent as you want it to be, it will never quite be as clear to a non-dancer.

    (by the by, how anyone would think that heat comes between two people that are sleeping together more then between two people that wish they could sleep together is beyond me…)
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hey Lita_rulez!! Long time no see. Good to see you. :D

    Interesting comment, btw. :cool:

    Totally off topic. When's a good time of year to visit Paris? My sister just moved to France -- in the Alps, though. We're thinking of meeting in Paris for our birthday in March. Good idea? Bad idea?

    And back to your comment ... wishing can be very hot. Very hot.

    And about the under-the-parents'-roof comments. I'm not sure I agree. I think the dynamic does change, a bit, when you're talking about adult children. Children children? Absolutely. Do as I say.

    Adult children, in my observation, often find a different balance that includes both respect for their parents' views and a measure of independence. Obedience by an adult child, regardless of where they live, seems a bit over-the-top, to me. :cool:

    Not that I'd know for sure, mind you. I left home at 21, and never, ever, ever, plan to live with my parents again ... for more than 3 days vacation at a time. :lol:
  3. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    LoL... believe me, none of this was planned.

    May is an amazing time in France. Go when the trees are flowering.
  4. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Sorry. Didn't mean to imply that. :?

    May, huh? How're the prices?
  5. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    Honestly I have no clue. I went before there were Euros, gosh. I went 12 years ago already. Yikes. How time flies...
  6. Josh

    Josh Active Member

    Don't take any of this the wrong way, please... but it sounds as if you're living in Dreamland (TM). From your first sentence above, you already have a hypothetical wife (and kids!?), and you use the term "future wife." It almost sounds like the climax of your whole salsa experience will be finding a girl and having an amazing dance (or dances) with her. What if you don't find your dream girl on the dance floor (is that your goal?)? What about just enjoying the salsa journey, and let it take you where it will...? Sometimes we have a goal fixed so firmly in our minds that we ignore and pass by other things along the way which could be just as good or even so much better!

    Again, please don't mind me saying, but it sounds a little strange to say that every girl you dance with is practice until you find your "ultimate love" (again, no offense, but it sounds very high school-ish). Like I said above, it seems an awful waste of enjoyment if you're holding out for someone who may or may not exist and you're losing out on the enjoyment you could be having dancing in the meantime! And if it feels like practice and not the real thing to you, then I can only imagine it comes across as not-so-real (i.e., fake) to your partners...

    And as far as salsa being sensual... we've had this discussion many times. I agree with you that "it doesn't mean a thing" without real love. That's the point. The ability to separate sensual (fleshly, bodily feelings) feelings on the floor from true love (much deeper than physical) off the floor is a characteristic of a mature adult. Those who try to carry deep feelings of true love onto the dance floor without having it off the floor often get themselves into big trouble.

    Maybe I'm reading you wrong. If I am I apologize.
  7. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    EXPENSIVE... I was there two summers ago and a cup of coffee cost 5 Euros. I'm sure it's not better now. I love Paris :) .
  8. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yeah. The last time I was in Europe (Belgium, that time) I was very thankful that I was on a business trip, so everything was reimburseable. :lol:

    I'm just wondering what time of year, if any, is the "low" season, when airfares and hotel costs are their lowest.

    Anybody know?
  9. raindreamer

    raindreamer New Member

    The point I was making is that salsa should not be an end unto itself. It should only be a stepping stone towards something greater, which for me will be a happy wife and happy children.
  10. amo_dile_que_no

    amo_dile_que_no New Member

    Why can't it be an end unto itself? Is there something wrong with engaging in an activity that is fun, social, physical, creative, and good exercise? I don't think so! :rolleyes: A little hedonism never hurt anyone.
  11. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    If you book early, airfares can really drop. My best friend studies abroad (UK) and books her plane tickets via EasyJet. Example: a flight booked today for the 15th January and returning on the 21st January from Athens to Luton and back would cost €45.4 plus tax, a total of €92.4! You'd be hard-pressed to find better prices.
    EasyJet covers inter-European destinations only, though I'm sure that other airlines have similar prices for early booking.

  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Thanks, T_E. I'll try a couple online searches and see what I can find. :)
  13. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    now, pygmalion... do your parents approve of this trip?
  14. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    They probably wouldn't ... if they knew. :lol:
  15. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    Atta girl ;)
  16. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member

    Good to be back ! I must admit I shamefully shied away from dancing for a few months (I did do other things in the meantime, mind you)... But I feel like dancing again, so guess where I go to get a fell for it ;)

    Well you know me, I only have two types of things to say : it's either interesting comments or cleavage [​IMG]

    Tell me about it ! [​IMG]

    Well, on some level, you are right, of course. The main thing being that once you bring some money into the deal, you are not so much of a dead weight anymore. You can reach some form of independence that you could never achieve if you were still completely provided for by your parents. But in the end, when all is said and done, you are still living under their roof, inside their house, where they make the rules.

    And I don't think it's such a strange or unkind think on their part either. You work hard at getting a place of your own, once you have it, you want it to run the way you want it. I guess almost all the younglings complaining about it will end up just the same once they have their own place and the first house sitter settles in for 3 or 4 days !

    The thing is, nobody likes having a house sitter messing up the place. But when friends drop by, you can't really say what is on your mind. But your own kids ? You have been telling them what to do and how to do it for years for crying out loud !

    The only situation where you might do your own thing in your parents place is when you are but a guest for a few days. Because you are a guest, you are allowed to do some things that are much harder to do when you are actually living there. But after a few days, the "guest" factor rubs off, and you are again a child living under parents roof : old habits die hard !

    It is allways a good idea to come to Paris. Most beautifull city in the world [​IMG]

    I am not sure March is the best season : it is traditionally admitted as the last month of the low season. Spring (March 21st) is just a few moments away, but not quite there yet.
    The average temperature ranges from 4 to 12 degrees Celsius.
    But the off season has it's own charms as well : museums feel warm and cosy, and are much less crowded. Though the trees will only start to have young green leaves early April, it is still worth taking a walk around Paris, for there are so many things to see, and you'll actually get a chance to discover some architecture you won't see once the trees have fully blossomed. You'll get to walk in in cafes from the cold weather and enjoy a hot chocolate like you never would in summer (I have a few addresses if you are interested in goooooood hot chocolate).

    Two things you should know though :

    One : there is a huge amount of fares in Paris, and that tends to get the place booked in advance for those dates. For instance, the international tourism fare will take place from march 15 to march 18, so if this is the date you'd like to come, don't wait to much for the bookings.

    Two : the public transport in Paris is amazing. Between the buses and the metro, you can go from anywhere in the city to anywhere in the city much more easily then you can in any city I have ever visited. Thus, there is no real need to get a hotel in the very heart of Paris : they overcharge, and are usually smaller because located in old and small buildings.
  17. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    This is the thing, Lita. When it comes to asking this 30 year old to contribute to groceries, no problem. Come home no later than 2? Can do. Help with the laundry? PLan babysitting days in advance? Co-operate with the running of the house? The paper system? The dishes? Watch my childrens' behaviour so they follow the rules of the house? No problem! This is their house (and mine), and we all want it to run smoothly. But when I start to feel pressure to not go on a trip as big as my first congress that I've been plannng for a year, that my husband approves of, that my kids will be taken care of by inlaws during, and that is already completely paid for, should I say "yes sir" to my father, cancel my trip, bow my head and back out of the room facing him? Come on now. This is still my life. No one is saying i'm being a rebellious and disrespectful adult "child" in my parents' house. My dad disapproves of my dancing altogether (although he's gotten a little more open about it now that he knows how serious I am); should I just give it up and be a "respectable" housewife? My mother told me, while I was crying one day, "I would never ask you to stop dancing. That's your identity outside of the family... that's the you that's your own." See? One of them gets it. And I'm not going to stop because Daddy fears I'm going astray or being irresponsible. The only ones who can tell me not to go are my husband and kids. And then I'd drop it like it's hot.

    If you wanted to go to a pub with your friends one night, and you were 30 years old, living in your parents' house, and your dad said you shouldn't go out, would you tell your friends, every time they called, "Oh I can't. I'm not allowed." Come on.
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the Paris tips, Lita_rulez. I think I may just visit my sister in in the Alps in March. There'll probably still be plenty of snow, which is also attractive to me, sine I haven't seen honest-to-goodness snow in more than a decade. Those discounted fares sound perfect, actually. Our birthday's on the 20th, but I was planning to fly out the week before. So off to the travel sites I go. :car:

    Maybe we'll do Paris later in the year. 4 - 12 Celsius seems awfully cold for the unashamedly touristy things I want to do, like a leisurely walk by the Seine. You know that scene they use in all the movies? Gotta do it. :oops:

    And back on topic: Sorry about the living with parents remarks, thespina. I didn't realize you were living with yours. :oops: :(

    That explains a lot, to me -- like why your Dad is butting into your business about dance. He doesn't understand your limits -- you will always be his child, yes. But you're an adult woman with children and a life of your own. I'm now even more glad you went to the congress, despite all the strife. Having given in to your Dad would've set a dangerous precedent, IMO.

    Fortunately for me, I have lots of older siblings. My parents tested the limits with them. So, by the time my twin sister and I came along, my parents understood the "adult child" balance pretty well. And I truly don't visit with my parents any longer than about a week at a time. Things're fine the first couple days, but, starting about day four ... *shudder*
  19. naturallove

    naturallove New Member

    And we come to my Thanksgiving plans. My mom wants me to come home the week before for something on Saturday. If I come home then, I might as well stay for the whole week. And at this point, I can't imagine being home with nothing to do. We have a great public transit system in Philly, but sometimes I just don't feel like taking it. I guess it would force me to do work, huh? But I don't like the idea of being in somebody else's space for an entire week at this point-even my mom's (with whom I get along very, very well).
  20. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    Can you plan some activities with your mom that you wouldn't get to do any other time? Are there performances you could get tickets to? Museums? Window shopping? Do you have old friends you could visit? Keep your time busy and plan a few trips for yourself. Go dancing one night. ONe week can be a very nice amount of time if you fill it up. You can get some good bonding in, and then by the end of the week you'll both be ready for your respective personal spaces again.

Share This Page