Salsa > Parental disapproval

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by thespina13, Oct 2, 2006.

  1. naturallove

    naturallove New Member

    Thespina, mom and I do have lots of fun together, don't get me wrong!:) We like to go shopping and out to eat and just sit and talk. But the last time she was at my house to help me move in, it was..a little interesting...(I have a 1-bedroom apartment!). So, being home is much better. The plan is to meet up with a few old friends, and since I teach group fitness, to get a sub job or two if possible. I've never experienced the Philly salsa scene (didn't start dancing a whole lot until I got to grad school) so that might be interesting. Another buddy is going to NYC so I may meet up with her to hit up a social. And of course, gotta dissertate-so hopefully much of my time will be spent doing that.
  2. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member

    Don’t get me wrong dear, I did not say you should always abide by what your parents say. I am merely trying to explain how this thing works in parents heads.

    You get a double effect:
    1. It’s my home, and anyone in my home should do as I say. Especially kids I have raised !
    2. Since I am telling my child what to do IN my house, well, I can also tell the kid what to do altogether.

    Now I am not saying they are right to do so, and I am not saying that parents should never do so. What I am trying to say is that parents will most likely ALLWAYS feel that kind of things. How they act on it, however, is a different ballgame.

    What you need to understand, is that you should not put yourself through hell because of this input you get from your parents, given that most parents are likely to feel that way anyway.

    Now I’m going to go out on a limb and risk a bar analysis here [​IMG]
    It seems your father is reacting badly to the one thing he does not like in your life because given everything you said you are doing or willing to do, they raised a pretty decent daughter, and he is mostly proud of you. And that is what is stirring things up: he came so close to raising a “perfect” and “proper” daughter, and there she goes, gallivanting every other evening! Maybe there is something you should dig deeper into here.
    Or just admit that he is being an knat because he is so proud of you for everything else, and take his anger and disapproving as praises to everything else you do ;)
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member


    Double yup. That's what I meant by my comment, early on, about hanging up the phone on my Mom. (whom I love dearly, get along with quite well, think a lot like and talk to almost daily, btw.)

    In that time period, I just could not get her to let go of the "all-knowing Mommy who should control your life" role. Nothing I could say or do would get her to back off. I tried reasoning, explaining, compromising, explaining some more, getting firm with her, getting upset. You name it.

    Finally I figured out that, unless I set some non-negotiable boundaries with her, we'd be stuck in that "Jenn's my baby. I can guilt/shame her into living the life I want her to have," mode -- indefinitely. That didn't work for me.

    So one day, when she pushed one of my buttons too hard and for the umpteenth time, I just hung up. Refused to listen. She was mad!! And hurt. And she got over it. And got the message. She can give me input, but she can't live my life for me or unduly influence the choices I make. :cool:
  4. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    Yup. Absolutely. I totally get why he's doing it. I understand my daddy very deeply. sometimes it takes some willpower and peer support to help me not be affected by him though. So I appreciate all you say.
  5. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member

    Well then, as far as peer support goes, I'd be willing to oblige.

    And if you are a red head with green eyes and a proeminent chest, give me a call whenever you feel like it [​IMG]

    I told you guys I had not changed while I was away from the forum.
    Cleavage had to come up sooner or later.

  6. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    LMAO... well. My picture clearly shows no red hair.. prominent chest I can do. How do you like Brunettes with chocolate eyes?
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I'm telling! Nah nah nah boo boo! :lol:
  8. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member

    In a clad gold bikini, with green contact lenses and an auburn wig. [​IMG]

    What ? Picky ?

    OK, a blue bikiny will do... [​IMG]
  9. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    HAHAHA... whew. I'm so glad I can't seduce you. Totally takes the pressure off.
  10. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member

    Wait till you dance with me. That will definitly take all pressure off. Except maybe from the toes I might step on...

    But hey, I've heard weirder things than people you'd never look at twice in the street becoming beautifull while dancing, so beware, I just might fall for you during a congress ;)


    Anyway, how proeminent a chest are we talking about ?
  11. tj

    tj New Member

    Hmm, heavy duty flirting here on DF... who'd a thunk it? ;-)

    I'd say at least part of the problem is that your folks can't relate to your passion in salsa. It's such a foreign world for them that they think all sorts of immoral stuff is going on and that you'll succumb to temptation, when you're actually being a good girl. If you could assuage that fear of theirs, then maybe they'll approve more of your going dancing?

    If not, then getting some personal space would probably be the next best answer. Once you're able to leave their place, then it won't be as much of an issue, I think.

    As an example, this one time, I was taking a vacation with my folks visiting my sister. It's common enough for me to be out til 4-5am on the weekends or on vacation, but to my folks (my mom especially), this just had them worried when it was the middle of the night and I wasn't home yet. When I got home at like 5am, I got an earful from her about how worried she was about me. And I'm way past 30. :)
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Reminds me of the time I went out dancing and took my sister (who doesn't dance) along. She swore SWORE that I was ... uh ... over the line because I was dancing a bachata with some guy I'd never met. Well. You know bachata. There was nothing to it. But my sister thought I'd lost my mind and my morals. Pretty funny, in retrospect.
  13. Lita_rulez

    Lita_rulez New Member

    OK, now the new avatar you have chosen is a totaly unfair way of prooving me wrong on this topic...
  14. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    LoL.. I was watching my KIDS in that picture!!!
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hey. Women watching their kids can be sexy, too. :wink: :rolleyes:

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