General Dance Discussion > Pet Peeves at Dances

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Phil Owl, Mar 29, 2003.

  1. Phooey

    Phooey New Member

    As you get better, fewer and fewer dances bring the same equivalent pleasure, that sense of connection between two people, that moment of loftiness that "something great just transpired." I speak of dance pleasure alone for dancing's sake; it still may be pleasurable to dance with people you like. But dancing with beginners/lower level will tend to rarely lead to those moments, which become fewer and fewer as you progress (of course depending on your opportunities). You may get other pleasure from watching them progress or social interaction, but the headrush from an amazing dance becomes a rare treat indeed.
    twnkltoz and IndyLady like this.
  2. demoiselle

    demoiselle Active Member

    I can believe that. That's why, when I'm at a social dance, I do warn leads who ask me that I am a beginner. That way, they can change their mind if they like . . .
  3. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    It's considerate of you to warn them (I do the same for dances I don't know well), but I would still think it is rude to rescind an offer to dance with someone once you have already asked. If a person objects to dancing with beginners, then they should be carefully scouting the floor to assess everyone's level and identify potential "non-beginner" partners before extending an invitation.
    leee likes this.
  4. Bailamosdance

    Bailamosdance Well-Known Member

    It never comes to mind that instead of your 'pain' coming from aggression or ignorance it was from your beginner-ness? There is a basic 'step' called the hammerlock that, of unknown to the follow, would seem as if the leader was trying to injure the follow, for example.

    People dropping you in the middle of the dance? Could be bad manners, but could also be the 'giving up' of a leader trying to dance with you, and not finding enuf dance quality (the leader thinks 'life is too short to subject myself to this').

    Nobody is at a social to make you feel good, unless it is your teacher, who you are paying. These folks all paid the same to get in and are not there to have a bad time.

    All I am saying is that your perspective is skewed by your level and knowledge. It's very possible that many of the people you see at this social are jerks, but it is also very possible that in a few years of dance, you will look back at these experiences and see something much different.
  5. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    Our wedding dance was a "rhythm medley" that included some hustle... as our instructor was explaining the choreography, using terms like "hammerlock" and "half-nelson", I asked if he was choreographing a dance or a pro wrestling match. Lol.

    OK back on topic.
    Joe likes this.
  6. demoiselle

    demoiselle Active Member

    It is possible, I suppose, that my perspective will change. I expect that the two guys who left me on the floor were 'intermediate' students who knew many steps that they wanted to practice, but didn't yet have the experience as leads to effectively communicate what they wanted to a beginner. They may have had success in their classes with follows who were also being drilled on the steps, and been very frustrated to discover they couldn't communicate what they wanted to anyone and everyone. I have some sympathy for that, though I did warn them of my level.

    As for the guy who was physically hurting me, there were lots of other clues that there was something wrong there than the pulling and pain. There was also the non-stop lecturing and then berating, the fact that he told me NOT to do any kind of basic step, and said his job was to force me to go where he wanted, etc. He wanted a rag doll, not a dance partner. And all the while, he was whispering in my ear that he was "gonna make you look good, like you actually know how to dance."

    I don't have much charity for that. It was the most actively unpleasant dance I've ever had with anyone. I am sure that it was more than me being a beginner.
  7. cornutt

    cornutt Well-Known Member

    Screw that. If I ask you to dance, and you accept, we're dancing. Even if it's a not-so-good experience, it's only three minutes. I can be polite for three minutes. :D Seriously, there are always things I can learn from dancing with beginners, even if the only step you know is the basic. I can work on frame, connection, timing, clear leads, and musicality. And besides, I was a beginner once. I remember how that was sometimes.
    MaggieMoves, richx, stash and 5 others like this.
  8. Generalist

    Generalist Active Member

    One of my pet peeves is when women tell me they are beginners. They either know basic steps or they don't. I can usually tell what level they are before we take the first step just by how their frame feels.

    I can make a beginner just as happy as other dancers if they stop making excuses for themselves. But please -- don't tell me you don't know the dance but can follow anything -- because you can't!
  9. Spitfire

    Spitfire Well-Known Member

    May have mentioned this earlier, but those who constantly apologize for mistakes or perceived mistakes. This is more annoying than any inconsistencies with their dancing.
  10. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    I have been dancing for 8 years, but I will warn a gentleman if I'm not very good at or don't know a particular dance (e.g. quickstep, WCS). It's a pre-emptive protective measure against glaring/eye-roll/sighing if I don't properly follow a particular figure.
    dbk and twnkltoz like this.
  11. Bailamosdance

    Bailamosdance Well-Known Member

    lol, the bar is pretty low at socials for 'good'.
  12. demoiselle

    demoiselle Active Member

    Yeah, that's how I feel, too. I don't apologize during a dance, but I do warn people when I'm very new at a style. At one studio (where Argentine Tango is the only thing taught), I was told by an advanced student to tell men who ask me to dance that I'm a beginner, since you typically dance three songs together.
  13. RiseNFall

    RiseNFall Well-Known Member

    Well, how about "we can dance together" rather than "good" as the bar. There are "steps" that I can do just fine with a leader who leads the whole thing well, where most followers at the venue know the step well enough that they can fill in when the lead gets iffy. I don't expect the average leader to meet the bar that I'm used to, so I have to have a somewhat different skill set to go along with the average leader rather than a top level leader. In other words, I need to know more as a follower with an average social dancer than I do when dancing with a high level leader (who would be very unhappy if I made any assumptions pre-lead, other than those inherent in the particular dance and the music playing….).
  14. demoiselle

    demoiselle Active Member

    On another topic, I get a little bit annoyed at partners who apologize repeatedly for being sweaty in a dance class or social where everyone is perspiring. I understand apologizing once, but there is no need to do so every time I rotate to them in a group class. Everyone is sweaty--their sweat is not inherently grosser than anyone else's . . . :)
  15. IndyLady

    IndyLady Well-Known Member

    Can we quit with the condescension towards social dancing? i.e. put this in the same category as the "pro-am am can't follow anything but their choreo with their pro"? Thx.
    wooh, Hedwaite and nikkitta like this.
  16. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    If someone asks me for a salsa, I tell them it's not my best dance so they know not to expect me to follow the crazy intricate figures. I did it when I first started AT and LH too... Although I pretty quickly learned it wasn't necessary.

    19 years I've been dancing, and I still fret about pleasing my leaders...
  17. FancyFeet

    FancyFeet Well-Known Member

    Along with all of my other peeves at socials, I have a new one:
    When pro watches me dance or dances with me at a social, then comments on or critiques my technique, following ability, etc. Chances are I've been at the studio for hours already that day, may or may not be able to feel my feet, eaten in hours, etc. and I am definitely not thinking about that thing that we talked about at my lesson earlier that week... I'm trying to actually relax and have some fun and not make it all about the drive for perfection for once. I appreciate the free mini lesson and all, but I hear a rumour that dance is actually supposed to be fun, at least some of the time. Sheesh.
    IndyLady likes this.
  18. Hedwaite

    Hedwaite Well-Known Member

    I have one that just manifested itself this evening: A single guy is too cheap to take my classes alone, but his partner thinks she's too good to take them, so she won't come to my classes with him, but they both show up early to the social dance to watch the class I'm teaching beforehand, then try to ape out the material themselves in a corner at the other end of the floor.
  19. nikkitta

    nikkitta Well-Known Member

    Not cool.
  20. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah...a teacher who used to work at our studio and now works at another one still comes to our dances. And sits on the side during classes taking notes.

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