General Dance Discussion > Pet Peeves at Dances

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Phil Owl, Mar 29, 2003.

  1. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I wasn't suggesting you pretend you couldn't do the dances. That would be lying. Just that, perhaps, you need a break between dances. Or if you have a couple guys that you don't mind dancing closer to, line them up for the waltzes and foxtrots in advance. Then you can honestly tell the old guys, "Sorry. I promised this dance to so-and-so."
  2. delamusica

    delamusica Active Member

    That's a good suggestion, to line people up ahead of time. Thanks!
  3. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Anytime. 8)
  4. lily

    lily Member

    I totally agree that if you refuse an offer from one dancer then it's very rude to accept an offer from a different dancer a few seconds later. But here's a question that occured to me when I was out dancing recently.

    A great song came on that I really love dancing too. A man that I have danced with before invited me to dance. The problem is that I really don't enjoy dancing with this particular guy as his lead is so strong and rough he can really hurt me. He always insists on doing the extremely complicated moves that he has just learnt rather than just dancing to the music (he'll slow down and finish the movement or start it all over again and try and teach it to me if I don't dance it properly, completely ignoring the music we are supposed to be dancng to...) But I danced with him because I didn't want to refuse him then accept someone else.

    I like the idea of lining someone else up for a dance before hand, but what can I do if I don't have someone already lined up? I suppose I could pretend that I do and make a beeline for another guy on the dance floor! I dance with any level of dancer throughout the evening, but do you think that it's selfish to want to be with someone you know is great and fun to dance with every now and then when a wonderful tune is played?
  5. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    the whole premise of etiquette is to avoid giving offense under the assumption that you wish to avoid giving offense and/or to avoid the consequences from others (beyond that of the person being offended). from my perspective, when the other person has already violated etiquette or refuses to accept a message given graciously, i can condone the violation of etiquette. of course, this can result in greater rudeness on the part of the other person & it varies from situation to situation.

    in this case, i submit that you have every right to express your feelings to him as a reason you prefer not to dance with him. you needn't put yourself in a position to risk physically injury.

    IMO you would actually doing him a big favor; he might not realize how his actions detract from the potential enjoyment & he might make a major step towards becoming a leader you'd love to dance with. on the flip side, if he gets offended, the consequences are that he'll not likely ask you to dance again - which you'd prefer anyway.

    the way i see your choices are:
    - accept graciously;
    - decline graciously (and i think giving your reason(s) why can fit in this category);
    - decline ungraciously;
    - laugh, decline ungraciously, make personal comments about his appearance / breath / dancing style / haircut AND ask someone else to dance;

    for each case, i suggest that you weigh the pros & cons in terms of what are the best & worst things that can happen & then make a choice that has consequences that you can live with & makes you happiest.

    it's certainly a natural desire to maximize one's utility. if not, all economists would be out of a job! but again, part of the equation is how much the consequences of your actions contribute to your overall joy
  6. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    pet peeves? ummm.. well there sure are a few .. but i mostly manage to ignore them.. except one.. that is someone (usually more than a few) with a funky smell! i just cant handle that .. if it persists i leave the place :(
  7. lily

    lily Member

    Thanks for the advice tsb - I think I'll try the declining graciously one! But as you say I may try dancing with him again and simply telling him I don't like revising complicated dance moves all the way through the song and see if he just lets us dance...
  8. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    pas de quoi! et je m'appelle barry.

    honi soit qui mal y pense!

    sounds like the person in question needs a practice partner. dances are for dancing & practice is for practice. good luck.
  9. lily

    lily Member

    Salut Barry, comment ca se fait que tu parles francais? :D

    Actually I'm English but I've been living in Paris for 13 years!
  10. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Sometimes we need to learn a second language, and sometimes French just might be chosen. :wink: :) I could undertsand your conversation, but I'm afraid I've probably lost a lot of my French from disuse. :oops: :(
  11. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    j'ai etudié français aux université, mais j'ai oublié tout! je parle un peu de/d'... (comment dit-on "deutsch" en français? ) et chinois (je suis chinois) aussi.

    j'aime paris. j'ai travaillé en provence pour etudier la cuisine. (et j'aime les fromages! et croissants! et baguettes! et le pied de paquet!)

    and i have used just about all the french i remember with that! Genug! oops. Assez!
  12. lily

    lily Member

    It's true that we lose fluency in a foreign language very quickly if we don't use it regularly. Sadly it's not like riding a bike :( I think that when I leave France I'll try and set up a weekly conversation with a French person so that I don't lose too much.
  13. lily

    lily Member

    Oui, Paris est une tres belle ville. Mais quand il s'agit de manger, je dois dire que je prefere la cuisine italienne :D Ceci dit, c'est vrai que les croissants et les baguettes sont trop bons! (Desolé, je ne vois pas ce que tu veut dire par "le pied de paquet". The packet's foot??? :? )
  14. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    du nord ou sud? je préfère le(la?) nord...

    comment? pardon! "et paquet" yeah. i don't have the french to explain - it's a quirky thing - roasted lamb shank (but next to the hoof), along with stewed stuffed tripe (the packet). i don't think you see it too much outside provence. there a couple of restaurants in paris i really enjoyed: star of the east - i forget the arrondiseement, but near the eiffel tower, one of the few non-french restaurants (chinois) to get a michelin star, and le grand vefour, which i think got 3 stars since i've been there. but generally i was just as happy to snarf down the "chaud chiens" that the street vendors sold, stuffed into a baguette and covered with melted cheese or the premade sandwiches you could get at the supermarkets!. whatever their faults, the french do have a commendable attitude when it comes to food!

    we've gotten WAY off-topic. i'm curious, while i was in paris i had absolutely NO luck in finding places to dance. i found a few folk dances in the south (and oddly enough, NOT in avignon! sur le pont d'avignon..." ) what kind of dancing is generally available in paris?
  15. NeoDevin

    NeoDevin New Member

    I see this thread has turned into a french thread. After all these years pretending it doesn't exist, it comes back to haunt me! :lol:
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Ha ha! I'm just glad I was able to read my way through the whole French conversation. :D It's been quite a while, but good old Miss B__, my French teacher, was tops! :D 8)

    And so what do we do, if we don't like cheese, or bread, or croissants, or chaud chiens avec fromage and just want to dance in Paris? (pronounced Par ee, of course, LOL) btw, hot dogs in a baguette don't appeal. I prefer my hot dogs in soft, wimpy, American rolls. LOL. But baguettes avec fromage ... I have that at least every two weeks or so ... avec vin rouge. :wink: :D
  17. Ian

    Ian New Member

    Hmmm, I wonder which is more difficult to maintain:

    Dance prowess or a second language?
  18. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    I am SO sure there is a strong salsa scene in France! I've recently met(separately) two French girls who are fantastic salseras.

    My friends have also witnessed awsome salsa dancing in France.....

    Eventhough I DID spent sometime living in France (got relatives) & French Polynesia, my French limits to (sort of) reading only :( .......

    (Food, however, is quite a different story.......yummmmm)
  19. NeoDevin

    NeoDevin New Member

    I'm actually reasonably fluent in french (I took french immersion through to 6th grad), it's just more fun when you're around french people to pretend you don't understand... especially if they don't like you. :twisted:
  20. tsb

    tsb Well-Known Member

    i do that with chinese folks - they figure i can't speak a lick since i was born & raised in ohio (which is another story in itself). in college i taught a friend a few words in mandarin. he loved in a co-op that was predominantly foreign chinese students. once it was his turn to cook and one of the chinese students asked him if dinner was ready and he responded 'hi mey you' (not yet). they never spoke in chinese around him for the rest of the year. makes me wonder what they were saying around him before!

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