Discussion in 'Salsa' started by nycsalsero, Jun 3, 2006.
And you have the time and energy to actually implement all these tips ?
I do not understand why people assume dance cannot involve some amount of sexual desire.
For instance, let's talk about how close you allow the guy to dance with you. I am a female, so I will refer to males.
I, personally, have my own dancing space. And the "width" of it depends on whom I am dancing with. It has to do with the level of skill, but also with how "physically acceptable" that guy is.
And yes, sometimes dancing just oozes sexual attraction. Why lie about it? Of course, I am not there to "get laid" but sexual desire has nothing to do with that. Most likely, I will not act on it. But why deny feeling it?
Now, about dating: since most salseros and salseras spend a lot of their spare time in a Salsa-related environment... where else can they date? I am only seeing Salsa-related people... so...
Why not try to date someone you met in the club? By "date" I mean going for a coffee/drink/stroll in the park and not jumping to bed. Ask for phone no, for email address... try not to be pushy and annoying... and there comes the date...
Well no, that's not the answer to the mystery - it's merely his recipe to get to the answer!!
(But he sure seems to have his methodology well documented...)
I kind of think of it a bit differently; I really don't consider the coffee / drink / lunch / stroll thing dating. That's just establishing whether their is mutual interest for anything more. No expectations, no pressure, you don't pay for her, and keep it limited in time (1 hour - 90 min max). and lots and lots of them with different girls.
Then you have what I think of as the first type of "real date"... the 'seduction' date. (Terminology may vary here... but its very different from the "pre-dating".) Before asking someone on a 'seduction' date... I would want a fairly strong indication that she is ready, comfortable and willing to explore a more physical side to our relationship. Every thing needs to be planned for... reservations, weather, food / music preferences (if her favorite artist isn't on the stereo when you turn it on... you haven't put enough thought into things), an inexpensive gift to personalize things, a couple late clubs in the area.
After a couple "follow-up" dates (which can be more low key), you need to decide whether she seems like a long term prospect... or whether to move on. but that's the point where you start thinking about that... not at the point of asking a girl for her phone number. (that decision to start winding down your other dating, IMHO, calls for a second 'seduction' date... sort of to mark the point for yourself.)
so stop thinking about the phone number as a "big" deal.
I think of it more as identifying your strengths. If you are really funny, play on that. If sleight of hand and card tricks are your thing... make the most of it. If you are a good dancer... dance. If you have a lot of money... well, better find something else.
IMHO, the "answer" to dating a lot, and successfully, is to set up a situation where women are trying to justify themselves to you... where they are competing for your attention, trying to earn your approval. You aren't trying to convince a girl to go out with you... you are giving her an opportunity to do so. (you can just say "self-confidence" instead of what I went into detail about, but that won't tell you how get there...)
It depends on how much you want to date actually... I am more into finding someone than dating usually... and now I am involved anyway... with a salsero of course...
But yes, if "dating" is what you want, I guess your "planning" works like a charm... depending on the girls' state of mind and "interests"...
I tend to think about it more along the lines of not making strong assumptions about who someone is, or even about what I am looking for. So you want to maximize opportunities to find out about people, not rush into something.
for that matter... I do like dating... even if its "dating" someone you are already in a serious relationship with, I prefer to keep same sense of romance and expectation going.
What ever you do be aware that especially in the salsascene the grapevine usually works very well. So whatever you do it will eventually come back to you. Last weekend that guy that was trying to convince my friend that he is not a playa was really very baffled when she told him the names of the girls he was fooling around with.
I'm sure he was devastated.
But girls, if I have a pen and paper with me while I'm dancing, and ask you for your number casually after a dance, is the fact that I have the pen and paper right there going to creep you out? What about if you see me do it a couple of other times that night with other girls?
why don't you keep some business cards in your wallet, or receipts, and have a pen or pencil stuffed in your pocket too? Or in your jacket? That's perfectly cool.
One other thing I need to reply to is Azure's statement.. the thing about making women "justify themselves" to you. This is quite shocking to read actually. No women should justify themselves to anyone. No PERSON should justify themselves. Their existence, their presence, their personhood, is justification enough. Competition isn't the point of dating. Connecting, and enjoying human interaction is the point of dating. it's disgusting to think of yourself as all that, and the only way you'll "snag" a gf is by encouraging competition. Elimidate is an awful, awful show... but it's based on this premise. Women with self respect and confidence will not debase themselves and descend to a competitive state where they take a submissive role by seeing the man in question as something they have to compete for. Come on.
I'm sure I've said this before, but cultivating respectful bonds with people is the only way to go. You'll wind up with love eventually, if the dynamic is right, if you and the woman in question are humming at the same harmonic. NOT because she's preening herself and tring to flutter her eyelashes better than her sister who's going for the same stud.
In the meantime, shut up and dance.
Very well put!!
The Salsa scene offers more entertainment then any "Big brother house" .
When you want to be part of something like this- go ahead.
well... my observation is that they will. and they'll line up for the chance to do it. and that's a fairly important insight. You can't go straight to the hottest girl ina club and expect to get anywhere... she's got a line of guys competing for her attention, her time, and frankly, being submissive.
You have to "work" the club, generally build up interest in yourself. Change the dynamic from one where you are competing from girls attention, to where they are competing for yours. and the girls will love it.
This may be cynical, but (for a guy) if you date a lot of people, your chances of meeting that person are greatly improved.
Didn't your mommy teach you how to treat a lady ?
oh, I always treat a lady -extremely- well... (I just plan on her going back and telling all of her friends, and whatever other random 40 girls are standing in the queue in the ladies room, about just -how- well...)
but more seriously... what women percieve when you change the balance from (men justifying himself to her) to (she is trying to justify herself to him) is self-confidence... and that is more sucessful at "picking up" women than practically anything else.
hmm....conidence...no problemo.. ;-)
For all of you ladies that think self-confidence is such an important trait in a guy, this is the kind of guy your going to be dealing with more often than not. Somehow, I think humility is a pretty important trait in the whole scheme of things. Just my opinion.
Thank you, babe.
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