Salsa > "picking up" at salsa events

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by nycsalsero, Jun 3, 2006.

  1. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    Have you -personally- had any success with this method? or are we talking like 3rd hand urban rumor here?
     
  2. nikita

    nikita New Member

    Oh- I wished, I would be famous too:)
     
  3. elgrancombo

    elgrancombo New Member

    Come on people. It happens quite frequently. Now I don't know about Salsa venues - my mindframe matches a previous poster who said "Don't xxxx where you eat" - but I know from my pre-Salsa days it happens all the time in other clubs and bars.
     
  4. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    I don't do it. But I've been one of the "stupid" girls once (I woke up pretty fast).

    And I've seen it. I see it everyday in my local club. I've seen it in Congresses.

    Since I started to teach at Congresses and we are organizing a Salsa Congress in Romania, I got to know the international instructors. :) I witnessed what they do. It is funny sometimes.

    But it happens in any other place than Salsa-related venues as well. Think house clubs...

    Want me to tell you about our local DJ? :)

    Oh, mind me, the Salsa club is the worst place to pick up. But it still happens, as most of us want to meet others... :)

    Edie said it better than myself. Read this interview:

    http://www.salsasud.com/article.php3?id_article=633
     
  5. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    Seriously... I don't think it does happen all the time. I think the frequency is a total myth. My experience is that it is practically impossible to be able to meet a girl for the first time and same night sleep with her. That whole mindset is a total dead end... it has nothing to do with "don't xxxx where you eat"; its just a waste of time.

    I'd love to hear from someone who did this a lot.

    I would actually, but he's probably doing something fundamentally different. He is probably spending quite a bit of time getting to know someone before hand.

    Nah, I think its generally a brilliant place to pick up. Its just extremely easy to go up and talk to anyone.
     
  6. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    :) Our local DJ used to sleep around quite a bit (there is a room somewhere in the club where they keep stuff - like a small closet; there was the "location"). Now he's got a GF... :) But I know just how easy it is to pick up for some guys (usually the best dancers).

    If you think Salsa clubs are good places to pick up women - try house clubs... :)

    Sure I would talk to people who come to talk to me. But, unless we have something in common (and it has to be Salsa-related) I am not going to spend too much time on strangers. And sure I give out my phone no. - I have a Salsa school here and people ask for it. Sometimes guys call to get dates - I say no, as I have a BF. But if I didn't have - do you think I would remember your face? I meet at least 10 new people a night... three of them ask for my phone no. :)

    And no, I would not go for a coffee if you call - you'd stand a better chance to invite me in the morning, when we go home from the club. That is, if I am not working tomorrow (which I most likely do).

    It's easier for me to meet people at parties which are not in the club - I often go out with my students for barbeques. It's a good way to get to know them. I also organize parties at our studio. In our club, there is not much light and the music is extremely loud... How can we talk?

    I guess it all depends on the club and on the people.
     
  7. Ron Obvious

    Ron Obvious New Member

    Well, maybe it's cultural thing, but here in scandinavia people are quite free-minded. One of my friends does this all the time, I mean, not in salsa clubs, but in normal clubs. There are lots of women that just want a one-night stand-thing.

    Personally, I don't think it's a good sustainable strategy for getting to klnow people, but I must acknowledge that it happens - a *lot*.
     
  8. nycsalsero

    nycsalsero Member

    But then I'd have to ask her to go out for coffee as the girl is leaving the club, and timing that correctly requires that too much "stalking" her around the club waiting until she leaves. Any ideas here?
     
  9. thespina13

    thespina13 New Member

    After the dance (or two or three), say "when you're ready, do you want to come out for coffee or a bite to eat afterwards? Getting hungry. Think it would be great if you could come too..."

    I dunno. If someone were all friendly and asked me that I'd be very tempted to say yes. Is this too familiar? Like I said, i'm not a good gauge for what's appropriate. I make friends very very easily and it may not work on women more guarded.
     
  10. elgrancombo

    elgrancombo New Member

    Azure,
    Either London is very different from my City or you're naive (and there's nothing wrong with that). I don't want to be construed as "bragging" so forget about me. However, I have had roommates, both male and female who had overnight "guests" from the (non-Salsa) club the night before on numerous occasions. It happens all the time. Does this mean if you hit on a member of the opposite sex, you will end up "hooking up?" Of course not, but if you do it over and over, it will happen.

    I don't know about prevalence in the Salsa scene. However, I have a female friend (I'm a guy) who is open to me that she has "hooked up" with a handful of guys in our local Salsa scene.
     
  11. Legato Bluesummers

    Legato Bluesummers New Member

    So what is the difference between a date (in which you are really randy) and prostitute?
     
  12. squirrel

    squirrel New Member

    :) I'd say it happens less in Salsa clubs actually than in other clubs to have one-night stands.

    At least here, where I live, the scene is pretty small and everybody knows everybody. I know of gals who slept around. Everyone knows. And the guys - sure we know them!

    Gals - they are usually very young/naive or they don't care much about reputation. And they are drop-dead gorgeous looking.

    Guys - the good dancers stand a pretty good chance of "getting it" from the above group of females... and not only! And some actually take advantage of that!

    I've hooked up with several guys from the scene in the past. But I know just how important reputation is. Especially now, that I teach. :) So I will think twice before doing anything. And since at present I have a BF...

    I also know 2-3 Romanian girls who slept with some of the "well-known" instructors, during some Congress or the next. :) Do you think they were looking for a relationship?!
     
  13. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    You don't have to buy her dinner.
     
  14. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    No, but that really misses the point. A lot of girls will sleep around; however, it tends to be very rare to sleep with someone you just met that night. The comfort level just isn't there. Even if you are looking for a "no committment" open relationship, you still need to put a certain amount of time and preparation in. Once you know someone a bit; have met them socially a couple times... then it happens. However, going out thinking you can meet someone and take them home... that just doesn't.

    I lived 4 years in Los Angeles, 5 in New York, and 2 in Chicago before moving to London 3 years ago. Naive, well... perhaps, but if you go through my advice earlier in the column, you can find some fairly detailed advice, based on what's actually worked for me, about how a "naive" guy can be successful "picking up" women.

    My personal experience is that the whole "one night stand" mindset is a total dead end.
     
  15. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    I've always found this to be a little tricky, because you always want to be fairly upfront about having romantic intentions. There's nothing wrong with going out for a bite with friends, but you never want people to be uncertain about how you consider them. I would be very careful about doing anything that could be misconstrued as being "friends" until after you had discounted them as a potential romantic candidate.

    (its very easy to transition from 'lover' to 'friend', but the other way is really awkward.)
     
  16. Legato Bluesummers

    Legato Bluesummers New Member

    But either way you are paying right?

    Either it is dinner or "the fee."
     
  17. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    we always pay one way or another
     
  18. terremoto

    terremoto New Member

    I had a question related to the topic - here is the scenario.

    I live in a city where almost all of the regular salsa dancers know eachother and everyone notices when someone new comes in to the scene that already knows how to dance. So about two months ago a very beautiful woman shows up who is a pretty experienced dancer. I would love to take her out - get to know her a little better. However, here is the problem. All the other men have noticed her and it is very difficult to get a dance with her. I have danced with her a handful of times and she seems pretty friendly. So my question is - how do I get to know her better? I would somehow like to distinguish myself from all the other men that are doing the same thing that I am doing. I don't want to get lost in the crowd - at this point she may be overwhelmed - I'm not sure. I don't want to come on too strong and scare her away. Whats the best way to handle this situation?
     
  19. Legato Bluesummers

    Legato Bluesummers New Member

    The pimp hand is gonna have to be strong....lol. You must diffferentiate yourself...if all those guys are knuckledraggers you have to be smooth...if all those guys are smooth you have to be funny...if all those guys are funny then you are trouble!

    Your best shot at her is to ignore her. Make sure that you are on her radar but don't dance with her. Talk to her friends and pretend she doesn't exist. Don't be mean or snobby but this will allow you to take her off of this pedestal that you have in your mind.
     
  20. amrimi

    amrimi New Member

    I'd say it's exactly the other way around. My personel experience so far was that ones there was anything sexuall between a man and a woman, a normal friendship is not possible anymore.
     

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