Dancers Anonymous > Question for the men: Signs of liking someone...

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by SPratt74, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Ok, I have a question for the guys really. Well, the women can answer too if they want lol. But since there has been so much talk about falling in love etc. that I wanted to know how the males think about this. But this thread isn't about love because the question that I want to ask is how can you tell if a guy really likes you. Now I've been engaged etc., so you know I understand men more than some. But it's amazing to me how complicated you men sort of are lol, but I mean this in the best possible way lol. I mean I can read all of the books that talk about this subject, but is that the way men really think? So please tell us women what you men really think when it comes to liking someone. How do you let your women know that you like them verbally or non verbally (and married men can answer this question too, because you've been there and done that lol)? I guess in a way this will be helpful for me once I go back out again, but it's kind of scary especially after having two long term failed relationships. So, talk away men! I'm curious to know how you all feel and from the looks of things some other women here are too. ;)
  2. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    I really suck at this :( So while we are talking about how men do it, I would like to know how you girls would like men to express their interest?

    So I've been interested in this girl. Since the first time I saw her, I felt something. But I was a wimp and never did anything about it. But of course, I asked her to dance... And after a couple of times dancing with her, she became friendly and basically told me that she really liked to dance with me, and that we should dance again, and planted a kiss on my cheek (which was about half a second longer than a quick peck). Not to mention the fact that she really looks me in the eye and never stops looking. And I've a feeling about it that she might be interested too.. But it could just be the salsa sensations and nothing personal. How do I tell? I suppose the only way to know would be to tell her that I like her, and maybe ask her out. But like I said, I'm a wimp. So I just ask her to dance plenty, which is a lot of fun for me. If her signals were romantic, I bet she is awfully confused and unsure now... Maybe she thinks that my interest is also salsa induced, and doesn't want to do any more to make it awkward...

    So there it is - when it comes to romance, I think I freeze up like a 13 year old, and overcomplicate the whole thing in my mind... I've a feeling that a lot of men are just like me :confused:
  3. waltzgirl

    waltzgirl Active Member

    She sounds like she might be interested. You could test the waters further before you make a big move. Walk her off the floor and ask if you can buy her a drink (or get her a drink, if it's a no-bar social). Or try starting a conversation with her as you walk off and keep it going after you reach the side. Or sometime when she is sitting out, sit by her and talk rather than dancing. She'll understand that you are expressing a non-dance interest in her and her response should help you figure out whether she's welcomes that interest.
  4. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    So you know the answer.
  5. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    I think the problem, either for male and female, is that you're not sure how the other person feels and you're not sure how you feel cause you also don't know the perosn well enough. There are too many uncertainties, and there has to be some risk involved.

    I liked what fascination mentioned in another thread about falling for your instructor..
    but, easier said than done :rolleyes:.
  6. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Men, complicated? Puhleez! We ain't got nothin' on you ladies.

    As far as how to tell whether or not a guy likes you, it probably depends on the guy. Some guys will give you lots of attention, some guys won't (like maybe they're too shy or something).
  7. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    LOL!.. buts thats the point .. they can never get the simplicity and we can never get the complication.. generally speaking ofcourse..

    so it was, so it is, and so it always shall be.. its futile to try and understand
  8. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    A good joke I heard once about the way women and men think, respectively:

    "A woman and a man go on a date. Their diaries the next day:

    Woman's diary

    Yesterday I went on a date with James. He asked me out for dinner, but I wasn't really sure if he liked me or if he was only being nice.
    During dinner he was really sweet. We talked and talked, he reached out for my hand several times (does that mean he likes me? I hope so!). At some point he gave me a look I'm still thinking about. It was something like "I am amazed at your depth" or maybe "I think you're great". Or maybe he was just trying to show me he's not interested?
    We went out for a drink afterwards, he slow danced with me and his hands was caressing the small of my back the whole time. It felt so good. We went to his place, had drinks, and then made love. He was amazing, caring and we had such a great chemistry. I truly feel that he and I are meant to be. I'm waiting for him to call me back tonight.

    Man's Diary
    Manchester lost to Newcastle 1-2. That was a damn shame.
    Got laid, though."

  9. delamusica

    delamusica Active Member

    Unless you're fascination, who apparently has more guts than all of the rest of us put together. :rolleyes: We're all a bunch of wussies.
  10. delamusica

    delamusica Active Member

  11. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    awww...that is so sweet....hughughughughug......
  12. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    however...the above synopsis of a date is also why (IMO) the direct approach is often best...often, he doesn't know what the he__ is going on with you and quite honestly, he hasn't spent a whole lot of time thinking about it...not always, with all guys...but mostly, IME
  13. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Speak for yourself, sister. :razz:

    I will say that, when you're doing it (putting it out there, so to speak) it doesn't feel like bravery. It feels like you're doing what you have to do. You're knees might be quaking, but, in a moment, you know you have to speak.

    And then you follow through. Simple.

    lol! I'll never forget the time that a guy told me, "Wow. You're so brave." Right before he told me to get out of his house and his life forever. ROTFL!

    I survived. And at least I knew.

    Just an aside, but I wonder if people ever outgrow the, "He loves me. He loves me not," way of waiting and wondering.

    I don't think so. A friend of mine to me about his 79-year-old Mom who's in exactly the same position. Wondering if a guy likes her. Kinda cute, IMO. :cool:
  14. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    let me guess.. he found out that u have over 32,000 posts on DF alone and he freaked? lol.. can't blame him eh LOL
  15. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Haha... this is all great, but it's not really signs of someone liking you or anything like that. I mean I personally don't want to ask anyone at this point. I'm not ready, because it's scary to even think about getting back out there. But my mom always said that I was oblivious when it comes to men. So, I guess I wouldn't have a clue if I got back out there again anyways lol. But this has been an interesting thread. And a fun thread too! ;)

    The thing is men, you say you aren't complicated, but you are much more complicated than women. Women will go into great detail as to how they feel while men will say practically nothing. If you ask if a woman likes you, listen to what she is saying. She's probably already told you lol. :p
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I guess that's my point, Spratt. I don't spend a whole lot of time analyzing guys' every move to figure out if they like me or not. I think that the signs are probably so different from guy to guy and situation to situation that it's just hard to say.

    OTOH, as much as I'm committed to being true to myself, there are some guys with whom I wouldn't go out on a limb. So I must be reading something. Eh. *shrug*
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

  18. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    I kinda like the "Bam Bam" method of clubbing the girl over the head and dragging her out of the cave by her ponytail.... ;)
  19. summer280

    summer280 New Member

    Yes I would like to know too!!
  20. and123

    and123 Well-Known Member

    Sorry this is so long, but it's a true classic :cool:

    Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie she accepts; they have a pretty good time.

    A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while, neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

    Then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

    And then there is silence in the car ... To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Jeez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

    And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

    And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward. I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

    And Roger is thinking: So that means it was ... let's see ... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer. Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

    And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

    And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. Scumbags!

    And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, school girl romantic fantasy.

    And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ...

    "Roger," Elaine says aloud.

    "What?" says Roger, startled.

    "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have ... Oh God, I feel so ..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

    "What?" says Roger.

    "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

    "There's no horse?" says Roger.

    "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

    "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

    "It's just that ... it's that I ... I need some time," Elaine says.

    (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally, he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

    "Yes," he says.

    (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

    "What way?" says Roger.

    "That way about time," says Elaine.

    "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

    (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

    "Thank you, Roger," she says.

    "Thank you," says Roger.

    Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

    Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

    The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

    Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

    And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the difference between men and women!


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