Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by SPratt74, Oct 1, 2006.
flashing works.. flash them
Maybe I'm misreading your quote but how is my statement/approach blunt and tactless?
I'd prefer to call your suggested approach direct, Peach. And that's the approach I strongly prefer.
Right Pygmalion. I've known a couple of guys in the last year that have told me, now that I've moved 300 miles away, that they were interested. I've asked them why didn't you every say anything? They couldn't give me an answer. I don't read minds or play games. For me, the direct approach is better. And not the typical line: Baby, are your feet tired? 'Cause you been runnin' through my mind all day!, kind of foolishness. Now, those kinds of approaches are blunt and tactless in my opinion.
Yeah, I agree that direct is better than "blunt and tactless". I was simply amused earlier by Peaches' earlier phrasing and it was 3 am over here and I couldn't sleep--or, apparently, articulate well! Pick-up lines, meanwhile, seem best used as a source of amusement, and never as an actual pick-up line--though actual use in any setting would probably result in someone's amusement.
I would ask. I'm always flattered when a guy asks me if it's ok if he cooks so and so. You never know, because I also have a friend allergic to onions. I love onions personally, so you have to remember that some people are allergic to more than one thing. It's always better to ask right away. Then once you get to know the person, you can cook surprise dishes, you know?
I'm not into hot spicy food. It really has no taste for me. And girls aren't the only ones with food allergies. I have a family friend that's also lactose intolerant, and you wouldn't think so, because the guy likes to eat lol.
I was sharing an office was with this guy in one of my previous jobs and then he got a a job in another country (like thousands of kilometers away). Anyway one week before he was going to leave he proposed. And I never felt he was interested and he even expected me to consider his proposal. I can't understand how some men think.
I have no food allergies, but I would think that if you offered to cook dinner for someone who did, that the person would mention, "Oh, just so you know, I am allergic to X."
I have no allergies and love spicy food. You can cook for me any time!
Hmm, see as a guy I've always been instructed that girls enjoy the sensation of the chase, the unknown, the playing hard-to-get. Almost every girl I've talked to agrees. They say they don't want games, but a blunt, forward, honest guy seems to lose out in the end. And I think there's a real truth to this...something easily attained has little value (or at least that's the subconscious association).
But I don't really want to play games, either. I guess what I plan on doing in my next relationship is to be coy with my words, but be forward with my actions and body language. A little of both, but actions speak louder than words...so hopefully it would come across as "i'm pretty sure he's interested...but then again, is he?"
Hmmm not sure. What do you all think is the best way to avoid games but retain the excitement of the roller-coaster "chase" phase?
My best pickup line ever? (from a guy I already knew peripherally at work -- not a total stranger) "Here's my number. Call me." (Meanwhile he was exuding pheremones to fit beat the band. lol ) I called him.
To me, there's plenty of drama and intrigue in the whole "mating dance" itself, if you will. Whether or not a couple ends up to be a good match is uncertain enough, IMO, without either party throwing barriers in the way, in the form of unnecessary game-playing.
See, now that's the same thing that we girls all hear about guys... that they like the chase. So now we're stuck if we're both thinking that same thing....... "the chase" has never worked out well for me (regardless of which way it's going). It shouldn't be too easy for either person, both need to put the effort in, but it shouldn't be to the point of it turning into "playing games".
In the end, I think honesty works out the best.....even though it seems scary at the time.
Honesty is good, pushiness or neediness is not (both of which can masquerade as honesty). I think one purpose of the "games" is to give each party a little breathing room to consider what the other is offering before having to decide yes or no. So if you can combine honesty with that, it's terrific!
Hmm. No challenge or offense intended. Just trying to understand. How is saying what's on your mind a sign of pushiness or (especially) neediness? :?
Saying what's on your mind and refusing to take no for an answer. That's pushiness, to me. Or, I guess, depending on how it's delivered, it could be neediness. Or some other neurotic thing.
But saying to someone else, directly, "Hey. I'd love to go out with you sometime." (When you'd like to go out with them sometime lol) How is that either one? I don't get it. :?
To me, owning your own feelings is just that. Here's how I feel. Period. That's not synonymous with pushing the other person or needing the other person to feel anything or act in any particular way. Wanting? Maybe. But pushing? Not necessarily. They get to decide how they're going to act. But they don't get to determine how I feel or how I act. I do.
I guess I'm confused.
Hmm. A proposal with no prior interest? Different cultural background?
It's not a sign of either. But what I said was they can masquerade as honesty. I guess I was thinking of the recent experience of a friend of mine. Someone she met was very specific about how much he liked her and why, but as she went out with him a couple times, she discovered that his saying that seemed more like an expression of his (rather excessive) dependency than a real evaluation of her. So, yeah, he was "saying what was on his mind," but it wasn't the whole picture. Now, if he calls again, she's going to say what's on her mind!
I've had that kind of experience, too, although, my "direct approach" guys tend to be pushy instead. I sometimes resent being put in the position of rejecting someone when, it seems to me, a little patience and sensitivity would make my lack of interest evident. (Not that they're knocking down my door, but it does happen ).
I really wasn't putting down honesty. I've been known to be honest from time to time. :lol:
Ah. Makes sense.
Yeah. You're right. It's funny, the flattering and sometimes deceptive ways people see themselves.
No. Not all "honesty" really is honesty. Sometimes it's cruelty or thoughtlessness or obsessiveness or neediness or hurt lashing out or ... you name it.
You're right. Saying what's on your mind could also be, "I want to get inside your skin and never let you have anybody but me." Otherwise known as nuts. :lol:
So yeah. Honesty is the best policy ... if you're emotionally healthy.
How about that?
I like that, Pygmalion.
'Course, then there's DH and I. 5 times he asked me..5-over a 4 month period...if I thought there would every be anything more between us. 5 times I told him no...he was just a friend to me. Then I had the realization that he was The One for me.
Wasn't trying to play hard to get. Honestly thought of him as just a friend...until I realized that he was so much more than that to me. Thank god he stuck around and "wouldn't take no for an answer" as we like to joke. lol. Life is funny sometimes.
Amen to that. I'll have to tell you my dozen red roses story, one of these days. :wink:
Bottom line, IMO, persistence sometimes pays off ... and isn't always a sign of dangerous stalking tendencies. lol.
But you have to admit waltzgirl has a point. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've heard someone preface a little bit of insanity (or hurtfulness or fill-in-the-blank) with, "I'm just being honest." What a bunch of nonsense that can be! Just license to say whatever we want with little accountability.
So yeah, waltzgirl is right, too, in my mind. Honesty needs to be tempered with some good sense.
But still, at least to me, there's not a lot of room for game-playing in relationships. From what I've seen, there's a big distance between full disclosure (at one end of the spectrum,) moderation/discretion (in the middle) and game-playing (at the other end.)
Crazy is a whole 'nother ball of wax. And I hate it when people preface things with "I'm just being honest" or, "I don't mean to offend you, but..." Phooey. (Sorry...been watching Nero Wolfe too much.)
But persistance...well...sometimes it pays off.
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