Tango Argentino > Question not for Faint Hearted, Do Not Read if easily Offended!

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by spectator, May 1, 2007.

  1. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    I remember an AT woman dancer, regular poster here, who explained that 90% of her partners had this when dancing with her.
    On the opposite I can't remember ever reading here or in any AT forum a leader explaining that this was happening to him 90% of the time when dancing.

    I once saw Sergio Natario stopping during a demo (the music had just begun, they were in the abrazo but not dancing yet), apologizing to the public (saying he was "emocionado") and having some water at the bar before coming back, while Alejandra was somehow bragging about her intact abilities after all these years of marriage.
  2. timbp

    timbp New Member

    A guy knows if he has an erection. And he knows if his erection is making any sort of contact with a woman (no matter how many layers of clothing are between).

    If it is a momentary touch, and adjustments are immediately made to avoid the situation, then ignore it.
    But if you are dancing and feeling his erection for more than a few seconds, then either he's a creep and you should stop dancing with him (and tell your girlfriends to stop dancing with him), or you are encouraging him and you should stop dancing and ask him to take you home.
  3. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I missed the 90% assessment...if that is the case um...sounds like delusions of granduer to me...at any rate, I don much care what a guys body is involuntarily doing as long and the rest of him is focused on the dancing...and, as has been noted...if he is a creep there will be corresponding indicators
  4. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    yes indeed.
  5. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Is there really "full contact at all times" in smooth dances? Huh...I never noticed.

    I've noticed a few times when I step forward/through him...but have never noticed anything when we're just standing there in frame. Wow...talk about oblivious.
  6. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    definitely full contact in standard. am very often aware of that.
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    well, in standard ...uh yes...but certain moves require a greater level of disclosure on that front than others IMO...ANYHOW, BTDT.....
  8. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    aside from one lecherous social dancer at the first studio i studied at, i am grateful i've never had this issue, um... come up. <heh> it sounds like it's quite common... am rather surprised. maybe i'm not sufficiently, um... inspiring... when i dance. *lol* anyway, happy with whatever the reason is that it's been a non-issue...
  9. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Wow, I'm oblivious then. I notice what parts of me are in contact with him, but I can't say as I've ever noticed what I was in contact with. Makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong, that my position isn't what it's supposed to be, lol.
  10. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    perhaps he dresses to the left...:cool:
    or leaves a small... footprint.
  11. Twirly

    Twirly New Member

    But the difference between standard and AT is that there is not supposed to be any such contact, except maybe very briefly in some moves. So if you can feel anything chances are the man is deliberately holding you wrong for all sorts of yucky reasons. If you have groin contact dancing will be uncomfortable and you won't be able to dance properly (at least that's not how I want to dance), so I don't dance with those people. Problem solved.
  12. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    sounds reasonable...and the few times that i did AT...the only contact was above the waist...then again, someone who is confused about proper hold isn't a creep...again, I think most of us can tell the difference anyhow
  13. Twirly

    Twirly New Member

    Yes, of course it takes a while to learn the proper posture/hold. It's not easy for a beginner guy...
  14. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

    That "90%" sounds like nonsense to me too - I've not heard followers saying that its a major problem in AT. In fact, it almost sounds like, well, boasting, in a weird "Men can't control themselves when dancing with me" way.


    Hell, I'm too busy trying to dance in AT to lose any blood from my brain anyway.
  15. Me

    Me New Member

    There should be no contact in the pelvic area for close embrace. Now, if there is no pelvic contact and he's THAT erm, gifted, perhaps we should weigh our options? :rocker:

    Anyway, with Argentine Tango (and in any dance) if the embrace is uncomfortable, adjust it. If he continues to pull you closer, just end the dance and excuse yourself - he'll know why. It isn't rude at all. And, refuse all future dance requests from that person in the future. Again, not rude.
  16. spectator

    spectator Member

    Hey let's get back to the point, prompted by a guy making a move on a friend after she didn't know how to react to his response to close body contact. The issue is that: when this rears its ugly head (and it is NOT with most men, only a small minority) how can a lady react so as not to make the poor guy feel mortified but not to give the impression that it is to be encouraged?

    So far I have learnt that:
    He will know that the girl knows if they are in contact at this point, again I want to reiterate, we girls are not attempting groin to groin contact, his groin is level with our rib cage if he is very tall and we are very small. Remember the old joke Bea Arthur used to make about about Estelle Getty? Actually that is quite lewd...
    If we open out the embrace he will know why but probably won't be offended.
    If we change the embrace so we are not being poked that is also OK
    If he changes when we've changed so he's still in contact in that way he is being an eel
    If we carry on dancing with it pressed up in close embrace he will probably think it's a come on.

    From the guys point of view:
    Now he knows that we can feel it and it can make us feel uncomfortable
    He can take the initiative and open the embrace himself
    He shouldn't be offended when the lady moves away
    If she carries on dancing close but seems a bit flustered at the end she probably wasn't meaning to encourage you, she was just embarrassed and didn't know how to react.

    This is just a quick summary of views i have gleaned from the above, any other points or solutions are welcome.

    I would like to make the point that some of us may not be afraid to talk frankly about this stuff anonymously but I would rather not be put in the situation at all.
  17. Me

    Me New Member

    Most of my friends are guys, and only a few of them dance. They are very embarrassed when they are in public and have an erection.

    I really believe that it is not normal for a man to maintain lower body contact with a woman while dancing if he has an erection.

    So, I guess to summarize what I've said before, your friend should at first adjust the embrace so that he is no longer bumping into her. If he starts to bump her again, END THE DANCE. He will know why. If in the future he asks her to dance again, she then has the option of refusing the dance.
  18. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

    Which proves the point - the guy knew what he was doing, it was his attempt at a "seduction" :)rolleyes:) and he took her non-pulling-away as encouragement.

    The words "idiot", "creep" and "perv" spring to mind for some reason...

    Must resist.... :)

    Nuts to the "mortified" thing - I'm a big defender of Men's Rights (see the other thread about cabaceo), but even I'd say that she should tell the guy where to go, in no uncertain terms.

    Don't ever assume that guys are poor innocent souls with no control over their bodies, it's a myth. Although I'll probably get drummed out of the Men's Club for telling you that.

    More or less - or, more to the point, he'll assume you don't object to it, simply because you're not struggling away from it.

    And the guys who deliberately do this, knowing what they're doing, are likely to be the ones who try to push things further off the dance floor too. Scum, in other words.
  19. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    Why? Being embarrassed?
  20. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    "Don't ever assume that guys are poor innocent souls with no control over their bodies, it's a myth. Although I'll probably get drummed out of the Men's Club for telling you that."

    Um, I can testify to the fact that (based on reliable, historic sources) there are times that men can have no control over a certain part of their body. None. Nada. Zip.
    What they do have control over, is what they do next.
    Women, too, have a decision to make as to what they will do next.
    Back before I learned Night Club Two Step and Argentine Tango, I would occasionally become invovled in a phenomenom referred to a "slow dancing".
    Guys, never had a woman work it? Gals, you've always been a proper girl?

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