Salsa > Rejected by a guy?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by alorafhs, Oct 14, 2005.

  1. alorafhs

    alorafhs Member

    Just wondering if any girls out there have asked a guy to dance and got completely rejected by him?

    I did. It was when I was just starting to get into salsa 4 yrs ago. I finally got up enough courage to ask this guy to dance and he said oh no no no. Sure enough 2 songs later he was dancing with someone else. :?
  2. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    If I ask a person to dance and he/she says "no", then this person dances with someone else in acouple of songs I really don't see the problem. Now, if you had said you asked someone to dance and he/she said know and immediately went off and danced with someone else that same song I could see how it could be upsetting.

    I ask people and I get "nos" and then I see someone else asking them and dancing with them. That is no problem to me as I don't want to dance with anyone who is only dancing with me reluctantly, half-heartedly. That person is wasting my time. I prefer a "no". Sometimes I ask someone to dance and he/she says "I actually am resting" and then says "ok". I immediately respond by telling them they should rest and I'll be back for another song later on, which I do.

    Oh, and before I forget...welcome to df alorafhs. :)
  3. alorafhs

    alorafhs Member

    hmm i can see that point. i guess its because it was my first time doing it. I was a lil green. And it was a guy doing it who wasn't well exactly shy about saying no loudly.

    Thanks for the welcome.
  4. lynn

    lynn New Member


    i agree with sagitta. i think as general dance etiquette goes, as long as they do not say no and immediately dances with someone else, it's fine. people have different reasons for rejecting a dance - ie, they're waiting for someone, they're resting, they're chatting.....etc

    and of course, there are those who do not have the best of manners, but they are by far in the minority.
  5. alorafhs

    alorafhs Member

    Yeah Im over it now. I don't take it personal. There are just sum rude people out there. Thankfully a guy caught me while I was walking away and took me to the dance floor.

    And it was all downhill from there. :wink:
  6. chandra

    chandra New Member

    WOW, only 1 reject in 4 years???

    your one lucky duckling!
  7. ssjss

    ssjss New Member

    Iget rejected all the time. Probly becuz I don't look the part of a salsa dancer, being white american. But I dodn't let it bother me. Once I even had a girl say @#$% NO and rolled he eyes at me. I just laught and walk off.
  8. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    DEpends on the vibes that you give off, too. When I'm not in the mood I get rejections. When I feel that I'm on I almost never get a no. :cheers:
  9. peachexploration

    peachexploration New Member

    Hi SSJSS, your avatar needs an award! It is absolutely adorable. :D
  10. ssjss

    ssjss New Member

    Yeah thats my son with his first black eye, eating a fish stick and sticking out his tunge at me. By the way he is 11 now and knows how to do the cha-cha pretty well. :D
  11. Josh

    Josh Active Member

    Yeah it's funny how that happens isn't it? I'm almost tempted to attribute that to some weird pheromones I'm giving off when I'm 'feeling it.' Likely though it's just confidence showing through.

    This weekend I asked a girl to dance the same time another guy did, I gestured for him to go ahead, and as I was standing there empty-handed, a girl asked me to dance (likely she saw it happen). She was one of the nicest girls I have met, and was a super dancer... I'm glad it worked out that way now!

    As far as asking girls and getting rejected--if I ask a girl to dance and she says something like "Thanks, but I'm resting right now", then I won't ask her to dance again. Why? Because if she's really interested in dancing with me, she will ask me, because she knows I want to dance with her. I shouldn't have to (and won't) ask her to dance again--my willingness is evident. It's just like calling a girl and asking her out--if she says no once, even for a valid reason (like already having plans, etc.), there's no reason to ask again. If she truly wants to go out, she will make sure you get the picture; no need to keep asking... it's called taking a hint! Even if she would say yes if I asked again, her heart would not be really in it. Same with dancing. Like Sag said, if she's not 100% into it, why would I want to dance with her?
  12. Indiana_Jay

    Indiana_Jay Active Member

    My "social" dance experience so far is limited to studio dance parties, which I'm sure are a completly different milieu than nightclubs.

    Except for exhaustion, however, I can think of no good reason to turn down any lady who asks me to dance. And I haven't turned anyone down yet. I do, however, warn ladies upon accepting an invitation that I'm a beginner.

    So far, I've seen no indication that anyone at the studio dance ever rejects anyone, which is kinda cool. But as I said, it must be a completely different scene than clubs.

    I guess if one is going to dance in clubs, one must just blow off the occaisional rejection (even the occaisional rude rejection) as just part of the scene and move on.

  13. Big10

    Big10 Member

    That position seems a bit harsh to me, especially if the woman says she'd like to rest. I know there are times when I certainly need to rest, even bypassing my favorite partners during one of my favorite songs! Plus, I understand the cultural expectation that a man usually does the asking.

    Of course, if a woman says "no" without adding any reason, then I'll assume it's a blanket "no" forever. However, if she gives me a reason, then usually I'll make one more attempt (just one, though) when it appears that the time for the reason has passed.

    Going back to the topic of this thread, I don't turn down a woman's invitation to me unless I'm tired (in which case it's more of a temporary postponement) or she is totally drunk.
  14. Rosa

    Rosa New Member

    A friend of mine was rejected in a class by a guy who told her he only danced with the very best. (This was a mixed beginner/improver class, taking place at the beginning of the night in a club.)

    It's true, the guy is a well-known figure on our salsa scene and is an advanced dancer, which made me wonder, why was he even doing the class in the first place?

    Presumably to make him feel superior and bolster his own ego... :roll: :evil:

    Rosa :)
  15. Ms_Sunlight

    Ms_Sunlight New Member

    Now that is just not on! If you join in with a class, you can bloody well put up with anything the class throws at you. That's what the rest of us do.
  16. Indiana_Jay

    Indiana_Jay Active Member

    I can think of no excuse for such behavior.
  17. peachexploration

    peachexploration New Member

    Fantastic! :banana: :D
  18. Sabor

    Sabor New Member

    everybody either has rejected or been rejected at some point for some reason or another.. i dont dwell on it cause its normal

    the only reason i would reject an offer is because of hygenic issues.. or she has absolutely no rythm, no soul or no appeal whatsoever.. yes, hopefully its a friendly scene.. but not a charity..
  19. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

  20. Josh

    Josh Active Member

    I understand your point... but if a girl asked you to dance, you said you were tired and no thanks, but you still really wanted to dance with her, wouldn't you ask her at some point? Or would you make her approach you again? To me--if I've already put myself out there, my invitation still stands. No need to "reapply."

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