Salsa > Rejected by a guy?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by alorafhs, Oct 14, 2005.

  1. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    I answered a similar thread a year or so ago, and the answer is still the same:

    If she says, "Not right now, I'm taking a breather," I'll understand.

    However, if she just says, "No," I lean down in her face, look deeply into her eyes and respond, "Why are you being so picky, I certainly wasn't!"

    Most of the the times this cures them of ever saying "no" again. To anyone!
     
  2. alorafhs

    alorafhs Member

    HAHAHAHA :lol: I can't believe you actually say this!!!!! Next I'll use the same line. Nice one.
     
  3. Vince A

    Vince A Active Member

    . . and watch the expression on their face turn from a "snob" to a "just been had" look!
     
  4. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    Very important point!! and the perverts.
     
  5. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I agree.
     
  6. alorafhs

    alorafhs Member

    Yeah I guess its just a case by case thing. I mean you can tell if a guy really is tired and says no or has an actually good reason. But then again you can tell if a guy tells you no because you don't meet up to par with him. Sometimes you can just feel the disdain shown in thier eyes. :x
     
  7. timbafreak

    timbafreak New Member

    If I say no, it's because I'm really tired. I will usually go and look for him again when I'm better.

    The worse rejection I've had is by someone who's a salsa 'name'. I didn't know and asked him to dance, he looked me up and down and turned away and walked off without saying a word.
     
  8. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    :shock: That's terrible.....!!!!!

    Especially coming from a "name".....!!!

    (the last time that happened to me was back in LA, '99....my rejector wasn't even a "name"!)
     
  9. new-ish

    new-ish New Member

    I only reject a lady if I completely intend to sit out a dance (gosh, thanks but I don't feel like dancing a merengue at the moment) and I try to go back and ask for a dance later.
     
  10. mathina

    mathina New Member

    What's wrong with no?

    Why does her just saying 'no' make her picky?

    I have to admit I always get a bit annoyed when this rejection conversation comes up and people get self-righteous about their rejections and imply it's wrong not to want to dance with someone. I agree rejection isn't fun, and there is NEVER any call for a bitchy rejection, but I just can't see why anyone has to explain her (or his) simple 'no.'

    There seems to be an underlying agreement here that there are legitimate and illegitimate 'no's. E.g., if you're resting it's O.K., but if you'd really just rather dance with someone else, it's not. I agree it's unfair to say, "No, thanks, I'm resting," and then turn around and accept someone else's dance immediately. But if I just say, "No, thank you," and then dance with someone else, what social code have I broken? What dance etiquette have I flouted?

    I want there to be a friendly salsa scene as much as anyone, and to that end, I accept many dances from beginners and spend more time dancing with people I _like_ dancing with (and less with those I _love_ dancing with). I'm just as frustrated as anyone with the cliquey folks who never dance with anyone outside their circle. But if they don't want to dance with me, I don't think they owe me any explanation. I wouldn't want him to accept because salsa etiquette demands it (or because he can't think of a legitimate excuse [such as resting] not to). Then we both would have to endure a dance he didn't really want.

    I have been rejected, and it sucks. I had a guy turn up his nose and inform me that the song was almost over, wait for the next song, and then he'd dance with me. As soon as the next song started he led another woman out onto the floor. It stung, big time. And I doubt it would have stung that much less if he hadn't lied, but had been completely honest: No, I don't want to dance with you. Either way, he didn't want to dance with me (for whatever reason), and that bit. I wish he had just said, "No, thank you," because then I wouldn't have been rejected AND humiliated--only rejected. Either way, though, I'm glad he didn't give me a charity dance.

    I doubt it. If anything, it makes her more wary of being asked. Women aren't going to say 'yes' to avoid being talked to in this way. Also, how is saying 'no' something to be cured of? It's an illness?
     
  11. alemana

    alemana New Member

    very nicely put.
     
  12. alemana

    alemana New Member

    and i would add that anyone who would be stupid enough to lean into my face and give me a "rejoinder" after a rejection would probably emerge from the confrontation having *learned* a lesson, not *taught* one.
     
  13. mathina

    mathina New Member

  14. englezul

    englezul New Member

    rejecting somone with a quick "no"

    I am quite surprised it takes so much to understand why "No" as opposed to "No because of X, Y, Z" is considered insensitive, etc. It plays on basic human psychology and the concept of "little reason why"... when people are rejected without any justification, the usual perception is that he/she must think I'm "not good enough". This is the little reason why that most of the brains come up with because ...well no other reasonable explanation has been offered. Of course, you can block it, you can get desensitized to it, etc, etc, but that's the effect such a response will have on most people. Also, most of it depends on how you say it. Ie. "No" with a smile, and open body language will be received much better than say "No" with rolling up your eyes, and breaking eye contact looking in a different direction. There's alot of stuff going into this, but this is enough to illustrate what happens.

    Of course you can do it if you wanted to. It's your right by the way. Nobody is forcing you to do anything you don't want to do. But lack of compassion and social curtesy really means you have a higher problem.
    While rejecting is your right, being rejected without any emotional repercussions is the other person's right.

    I never reject anyone when they invite me to dance; it sometimes happens that I have already dances lined up with various parteners I enjoy dancing with, friends, or other interests. So if the timing is not good for me, I always tell them I am not available at the moment because of X, but I will ask them to dance a little later. And I do that in a very open and friendly fashion so they don't get upset. And I don't mean upset at me, I am refering to a state of lower energy than before asking.

    Haha, this is most certainly funny. I would see myself do something like that, although, luckily, where I go most women are Yes people :). But I can see this working. Of course, this kind of line, the way i see it, is not to be following just any kind of rejection. I have a feeling this is more intended for the rejections that are obviously rude and dismisive. For exaple like this one

    Implication -> You're not good enough. Note the distinction between you're not good enough and you're not a good enough dancer.

    I would not get in her face though, I would just look into her eyes and say it LOUDER.

    In my experience, this kind of thing works and it's not meant to hurt someone, it's just meant to clear any first impression BIASES. Now like I said, this is to be used in certain specific situation, not just any time someone says no. I cannot stress this enough. Saying no is not something to be cured of, being rude and insenstive is.

    This is my take on the subject. Not attacking anyone, I love you all :). Keep it fun!
     
  15. brujo

    brujo New Member

    Um, the thread is about women being rejected by men they ask... Easy solution to that one.

    If you are getting rejected on the dance floor, wear something with more cleavege.

    -Sexist pig.
     
  16. brujo

    brujo New Member

    Depends on how you do it. A little humor goes a long way. I use the race card.

    When a girl says no to me, I'll just say "It's because I'm black, isn't it?" ( I am not black ). Makes them feel like a total knat. This is specially useful if the person you that rejected you is actually black. Even better, if you are of a different race than the person and you can tell their race, use that. To the Russian girls, I say "It's because I am Russian, isn't it?". They usually have a chuckle and come get me for the next song.
     
  17. OneCentSalsero

    OneCentSalsero New Member

    "Depends on how you do it. A little humor goes a long way. I use the race card.

    When a girl says no to me, I'll just say "It's because I'm black, isn't it?" ( I am not black ). Makes them feel like a total knat. This is specially useful if the person you that rejected you is actually black."

    I think using it on a black person can probably be considered alittle offensive. Theyre probably happy they didnt dance w/a total knat. Using it on a white person and saying it like Ali G would be funny thou.
     
  18. HF

    HF New Member

    Hmm ... I wonder how common it may be in other scenes for women to ask men anyhow. Here (Hannover, Germany) it seems to be very unusual. Which is funny because in business life many women are very independent and self-confident.

    Whenever I talk to women about this I try to encourage them but without much success. However at congresses it is more common for women to ask "names".
     
  19. africana

    africana New Member

    either way, to whomever he says it, however he says it, it's just plain offensive :roll:
     
  20. brujo

    brujo New Member

    No dude, racism is funny when you are a even smaller minority. i get away with it because I'm a slant.
     

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