Salsa > Rejected by a guy?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by alorafhs, Oct 14, 2005.

  1. kansas49er

    kansas49er New Member

    Back to the topic at hand. I think you shouldn't get too worked up over being rejected. If it's by the whole table, maybe you should go look in a mirror to see if something is on your face or out of place? Or just blow them off mentally. It is not easy to do. For some who have felt the pain of rejection many times in their life, accepting another is not easy. That is why I suggest that if you do say no, a polite reason should be part of it. While everyone is responsible for their own thoughts and reactions, you don;t know everyones story, and it doesn't hurt to try a little kindness. You don't know where that person has been.
     
  2. englezul

    englezul New Member

    That's where social calibration comes into play. It's well known humour is subjective to one's past experiences. So you have to be calibrated to deliver it well.

    You are giving an argument based on the epecific situation in which that person has been through a number of hardships because of some physical feature/racial/etc. In which case you'd be an idiot to pull a joke like that. This is a fallacy. If we're talking about special cases here I can make up millions.

    However, assuming the general case, it will come across as funny because it's completely off the wall.
    In fact I pulled the "you're just jealous cause im black" line many many times (and I have black friends) and it was always received with a laugh. It's not the stereotype that makes something offensive, it's how you use it.

    Have you watched stand up comedy?

    How many times have you heard the special olympics joke ( "Doing X is like Booing/laughing at the special olympics" or something like "Even if you win at the special olympics you're still a loser") and the audience did not laugh? They always crack up. And it's pretty diverse in terms of who's in there. Is it offensive? It depends on who you say it too, how you say it, and your intent.

    You can't possibly argue that comedians are all superficial, repressed, socially rejected people, venting their frustration by capitalizing on regular people's flaws. They are just looking for the funny in different things.

    But i digress. In the end, if someone says anything to you and you make it your problem, then it's your problem. You made it your problem. There is no such thing as someone making you angry, etc. You chose to make yourself angry as a result to that response.

    So if you get rejected. Just walk off. It doesn't mean anything about you, that person doesn't even know you. Why he/she rejected you is none of your business.

    If you choose it's worth your time to comeback with a line then do it . His/Her response to the line is irrelevant.

    At the same time try to be curteous with everybody..if someone isn't being curteous with you, don't feel like it's politically incorrect to poke some fun at their expense if you really feel they deserve it. You're both adults, they can handle it.
     
  3. kansas49er

    kansas49er New Member


    I agree with alot of what you say. You are indeed responsible for your own reactions to what someone says or does. They cannot MAKE you angry. Only you can do that. To gain peace, you must gain control of yourself.


    However, just because someone or a group of people laugh at a joke making fun of a particular group does not make it right (The courts have so ruled). And I say, if it is inappropriate evverywhere else, it is inappropriate on stage. You are free to disagree. I have no problem with that. And having known several, comics by and large are not superficial, but they often have repressed inner beings and have feelings of inadequacy and use comedy to cover their feelings. Indeed, many classroom studies indicate the makeup of the class clown includes a lack of self-esteem.

    In the end, people take themselves and their backgrounds too seriously. THey need to relax a little. We should be able to make fun of ourselves, or each other. Peace
     
  4. englezul

    englezul New Member

    Yes, I have to say I didn't intend to use the comedians as an authority in what's right or not. And it's true that if the entire room laughs it doesnt make it right. The point was that ... generally something offensive to a particular person/minority will be somewhat funny for the people who are not emotionally attached to those issues. This doesn't make it right, nor wrong. But it's nice to be aware and know your "audience" for good effects. After all if a joke can make you look either a unpleasant or pleasant individual, it's logical you should attempt the second.
     
  5. kansas49er

    kansas49er New Member

  6. africana

    africana New Member

    what is so difficult to understand about appropriate context??????

    Isn't it common sense that the sort of jokes you make to your closest friends does not always translate to something post-worthy?

    and it's funny that the "white men" comment struck a nerve lol "not so clever" is it <smirk>
     
  7. kansas49er

    kansas49er New Member


    I'm sorry, I thought you were arguing that because of some peoples background, such jokes were inappropriate, period. Actually, the jokes among my closest friends make fun of each other, not someone else. And they are either too oblique for anybody else to get, or so common, that anyone else is free to use them

    And I guess i never saw the "white men" comment

    However, in my past, to be completely honest, I have told
    "hick" jokes "German" Jokes " Pollock" jokes "blond" jokes "engineer" jokes
    "judge" jokes "poor" jokes "salesman' Jokes "military" jokes "navy" jokes
    "dance" jokes "nondancer" jokes, "baptist" jokes "non baptist" jokes etc etc, etc, all of which I Was or have been a member. I have also told jokes about groups of which I have not been a member, including physically or mentally handicapped, or of a different nationally, creed, skin color, or sex. I pretty much refrain from telling any jokes anymore, except political ones. It was described to me how offensive these jokes were to some members of any group. On some level, they were correct. And I really don;t care who tells them, if it is offensive, it is offensive. I don't buy into the "appropriate context" argument.

    I am trying to not offend anyone, regardless.

    Politicians? Most really can't be offended, and if they are? WHo cares. They have put themselves in the limelight. I do try not to make jokes about their personal selves, just their public lives.

    If all that is inappropriate, ok. I will be inappropriate
     
  8. africana

    africana New Member

    K my post was directed @ englezul not you
     
  9. kansas49er

    kansas49er New Member

    :cool: :cheers:
     
  10. englezul

    englezul New Member

    Haha. I actually never saw the white-men comment either, although I read it...just didn't register that way.

    Now going back and seeing that enumeration of adjectives meant to categorize those white men which supposedly "I belong to", I think it's pretty funny. But no, it didn't strike a nerve rest assured. My "not clever" comment was based on the fact that it looked to me like you couldn't argue your point so you quickly put some negative characteristics together amd some racial elements and decided to be sarcastic about it. But if you got a good laugh, all the power to you.
     
  11. africana

    africana New Member

    <more smirk> ah yes ignorant suppostions
    thats why i don't try to "prove" every point with lengthy explanations. not all points are deserving, espeically when the smarter ones can figure it out for themselves
     
  12. randomMysh

    randomMysh New Member

    I don't have a ten foot pole handy, so I'm not touching the race joke issue.

    On the original topic, though--I "get back" at people who reject me by becoming a better dancer, someone they will want to ask to dance. Then, depending on whether they rejected me badly enough for me to remember it, I may or may not accept their invitation. *shrug* I usually don't care enough to remember, and besides, I believe in "you reap what you sow" as it applies to my own actions.
     
  13. englezul

    englezul New Member

    Ignorant suppositions? My apologies if that's the case.

    But you have my appreciation for the latter comment. I did that especially for the ones who cant. <I too can smirk>

    I think this is an excellent way to look at it. In fact, a while ago I was dancing with a girl who, a little irritated, literally told me she was getting bored and wanted me to do something else. Only I didn't know any other moves. That hit me, but it motivated me intensely. After another 4 months of dancing with every single occasion I got, I became significantly better than her, and the situation reversed. I remember dancing with her then, and she was so nervous, I couldve gotten away with anything only on that account. She's been asking me to dance every time since then.

    So it definitely helps. The problem is that if you get rejected enough, you will not get the opportunity to practice. I solved this by being very social and getting to know 70% of the women from the scene. The rest are too pro for my current goals. So I would always have someone to dance with. And also, made a whole bunch of new friends.
     
  14. brujo

    brujo New Member

    Let me give you some context, I'm Asian. In the dance floor, I get rejected about 75% of the time in the Latin bars that I go to. When I was in the Copa Cabana in NY, a girl joked with her friends -I'll go dance with the oriental over there. When I go up to someone to ask them to dance and get turned down, it is most likely because they have this mental schema of Asian guy that can't really dance. But I don't have the rejection problem. I go out and have fun and people dance with me. It's not a big deal. But it is not automatically assumed that I can dance.

    That said, I find that some of the best comedy out there brings to life taboos that are otherwise unmetionable. Humor is a natural defense mechanism, it allows us to deal better with stressful life events. Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, etc. They brought up issues that we face every day and make fun of it. Have you seen the movie Aristocrats? What used to be offensive 40 years ago is normal today, but the things that you wouldn't normally talk about in daily conversation or polite small talk is still there. Terrorism, rape, racism, gay bashing, religious fundamentalism, etc. If you can't make fun of it, you are giving it too much credit by making it an unmentionable. How are you going to change it if you can't even make fun of it?
     
  15. BrookeErin

    BrookeErin New Member

    brujo, two of my absolute favorite leads are asian. I love the looks I get in Chicago when I say a Chinese name in response to "who taught you to dance?" I enjoy being asked if I'm Spanish when I dance. But truly I find that those of us who didn't grow up with salsa can be just as good as those who did (and often better)
     

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