Tango Argentino > Rejections

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by wadpro, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. opendoor

    opendoor Well-Known Member

    Hi wadpro, think that talking to a friend is a good reason! The dance floor is no battle field. If you want to get on you have to accept, that dancing takes place in social networks and peer groups. And I think, she was cute to ask you later on.
  2. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    People go to milongas for many reasons. Nobody is obligated to dance at any given moment. Real good dancers only dance when they feel like it. They might not feel like dancing for whatever reason, that has nothing to do with you. And they have the perfect right to do so. So, when somebody declines your invitation, better not take it personally.

    Ideally, the dance starts with potential partners establishing connection way before they take each other into the embrace. Hints: try to get the eye contact, smile, nod, say a few words, see how it goes. Watch them dancing, let them watch you...

    In the absence of cabeceo, it would be a good idea to browse the room for whose who look like they want to dance right now, and ask them.
  3. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    So you came to dance, but would rather display spite than dance? I think chatting is a better excuse to say no than spite.
  4. Sylph

    Sylph New Member

  5. Lui

    Lui Active Member

  6. ant

    ant Member

    Hi wadpro, I was wondering if you had another reason for starting this thread.

    Because your reaction to the answers given seem quite unreasonable to me. You asked for the advise of people on this forum, which you got and because the advise does not vindicate your actions you seem to have rejected it.

    Not only that the question relates to a incident that happened "a few months ago". Why didn't you raise it then, why raise it now?
  7. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    It's potentially rude to the person they were talking with. Depends on what kind of understanding there is between the people who were conversing. As an outsider you aren't in a position to judge its importance and interruptability, and so must accept the opinions of the people who were taking part in the conversation.

    Sitting removed from the floor constantly engrossed in conversation is a good way to get passed over by considerate leaders. But cycling attention between the dancing (especially in the moments when finding a partner is most likely) and conversations of real value sounds like a way to have a nice evening. Not focusing on the dancing at those prime partner-finding moments may very well be a deliberate choice.
  8. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    This it the kind of thing that is drop-dead intuitively obvious to the kinds of people who follow it, and completely brain dead stuck up wierd to the kinds of people who don't...
  9. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Er...no. She gave you a perfectly valid reason (note: reason, not excuse) for not dancing AT THAT TIME, and even followed through with seeking you out to dance with you. You were rude, for no reason. End of story.
  10. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    Ok... so you asked us if we thought it was an acceptable reason for turning down a dance and what WE thought about it all.

    You have gotten pretty much the same answer from everyone, and now you're arguing with us and trying to convince US of what YOU think.

    Why did you bother to ask the forum's opinion if you're just going to try to convince us our responses to you are wrong? Clearly, you already decided you were in the right and don't want to consider that you might not be...

    Let us know how that works out for you.
  11. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    Oops... Fascination beat me to it. Should have read ahead...
  12. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    I was wondering that too... has some ongoing issue evolved based on this interaction from months ago? I can barely remember WHO I danced with at a dance months ago unless it was unusually sublime or crappy. But I certainly would remember an encounter like this!
  13. flashdance

    flashdance Active Member

    your logic is lost on me! She even offered to dance with you after she had finished her conversation! :doh:

    If there's one thing I know, women like to chat/socialise (and I mean that in a nice way, they do!) :)
  14. Captain Jep

    Captain Jep New Member

    Yeah, and I fundamentally disagree with the statement "people go to milongas to dance not to chat". Its neither one or the other. You go to dance and catch up with friends. Its a social event not a performance exam!
  15. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

    Blimey, where'd this all come from?

    I dunno, I leave you lot alone for one minute... :)

    Firstly, you don't say where you're based? Different cultures have different expectations.

    Secondly, I'm going to - sort of - be in the minority and take your side. If you're a beginner, and used to conventions from other dances, then it's quite possible that you'll get surprised / upset by the Tango conventions. God knows we discuss them enough.

    And yes, in some areas and some dance forms, there's very much a "you're here to dance, so dance" kind of expectation, or a "you should never refuse to dance when asked" convention.

    Also, without us actually being there, it's difficult to judge the relative rudeness of the people involved. Context matters.

    All that said, to be blunt, it sounds like you were quite petty to refuse her, presumably because you were upset? I suspect you probably also upset her yourself with your response. Blimey, you should count yourself lucky that she asked you after - most women wouldn't have.

    I think you'll need to accept that this sort of thing will happen, and that you do need to learn, and adhere to, AT conventions, whatever they are in your region.

    In short, you'll have to modify your behaviour.

    For example, as a rule of thumb, don't interrupt someone when they're in a conversation.
  16. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    Do interrrupt but do it politley; " Excuse me. I can see you are engrossed in converation but i was wondering if you would like to dance.?" is perfectly acceptable in my eyes ( if you're not in Bs As) and sometimes I get a yes please, but if the ladies are discussing something of importance like Row 45 of a knitting pattern, and say no thank you you just have to wait or dance with someone else.

    Have you tried the hangdog look to elicit sympathy?

    Attached Files:

  17. Heather2007

    Heather2007 New Member

    Never get upset...just get even.:banana:
  18. ant

    ant Member

    DB what dance form requires a lady to drop every thing they are doing because someone has asked her to dance?

    Based upon the conventions of every form of partner dancing I have come across, the ladies actions towards wadpro would be totally acceptable.

    The lady was indisposed at the moment she was asked to dance, gave a perfectly reasonable explaination and at the first available opportunity subsquently

    went and asked him to dance.
  19. Light Sleeper

    Light Sleeper New Member

    :uplaugh: Ha ha ha! I love you!!! ;) Does the Daily Mail still have a pull out knitting pattern? ;)
  20. Heather2007

    Heather2007 New Member

    You know the law of "Cause and Effect". About it not being so much the action but the re-action blah, blah, blah. Well, your taking what was a mere "refusal" (albeit a temporary one) and fashioning it into what you describe as a "rejection" (?) is certainly something any Jungian/Freudian student would mull. And for god's sake remember also the Law of Forgiveness. The woman came back to you as a way of an apology and rather than accept her hand gracefully you chose to boost your big fat ego (am I being a cow right now? Good) and tossed her to the wind. Followers get overlooked/refused time after time after time, waaaaaaayyy more than men. And you know what? They learn to deal with it - no matter how frustrating it gets.

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