Tango Argentino > Rejections

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by wadpro, Oct 4, 2009.

  1. Heather2007

    Heather2007 New Member

    Is like an alcoholic bleating on about they not being an alcoholic. Rude? Yes you are my friend. Either that or you have some serious entitlement issues. You ask a girl to dance...no matter what she *has* to dance with you.

    No talking in milongas? Ha, ha, ha What next? No reading on the trains, no smiling with the supermarket checkout staff, gagging our toddlers in the libraries etc etc. You remind me of the bloke seated behind a woman in the theatre last month. The rather upset woman told us in the break that he jabbed her on the shoulder and told her to stop moving her head. Bearing in mind this was Thriller Live - the story of the Jackson Five/Michael Jackson with heaps of loud dancey music. Oh so weird.
  2. Captain Jep

    Captain Jep New Member

    :p Maybe you should take the paper with you to the next milonga - just in case hey? :rolleyes:

    I think its OK to interrupt a conversation - but you do so at your peril - if you get rejected then fair enough. Making a big thing of it makes it waaayy worse.
  3. Heather2007

    Heather2007 New Member

    Yep, and the Taliban says its right for a woman to be stoned for not wearing her burka. And so...
  4. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    iF your expectation is that she "ought" to say yes then you are making a demand not a request, since you are not accepting the possibility of her saying no or having a choice;

    (see wikipedia; women;s suffrage)

    to paraphrase Marshall Rosenberg: "I request you dance with only if you're as willing as small children feeding hungry ducks; anything less and the price will be too high."
  5. flashdance

    flashdance Active Member

    I challenge any man to interrupt a woman whilst she's;

    a) Having a haircut
    b) massage
    c) applying eye makeup or lipstick
    d) GHD straightner hair thingys
    e) Sunbathing
    f) farmville/town/whatever it's called these days!

    Interrupting those activities promotes an early death...
  6. Bailamosdance

    Bailamosdance Well-Known Member

    Well, gagging our toddlers is wrong, for sure, but their mothers - that's another story.
  7. Heather2007

    Heather2007 New Member

    I do sometimes wonder BTM, if the fundamentalist's view of their interpretation of Sharia Law would not (secretly) be welcomed by many here: "Shut up woman and do as I say...Now". Hmm...I do so wonder:rolleyes:
  8. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    Did you hear about the Canadian truck driver who used to knit whilst driving; his hands through the wheel. Any way a cop on a bike spotted up sped alongside and stated shouting
    "Pull over! Pull Over!"

    And he winds down the window and replies
    " No its a cardigan."
  9. Albanaich

    Albanaich New Member

    My eldest daughter once decked a guy on the dance floor (she was 17), blood, ripped knuckles the lot (this was a mainstream social event, not a club) for being a bit free with his hands. . . . .

    She came back to you to apologise? And you knocked her back?

    Just think yourself lucky it wasn't my daughter.
  10. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

    The one I'm doing :)

    More seriously, it's quite possible that a woman wants to be asked to dance and is just casually chatting to her neighbour to pass the time - I think one female poster said as much. So she might actively want to be "interrupted".

    Context matters, to a point.
  11. Madahlia

    Madahlia Member

    Also, ladies know that offers to dance may not come at the most convenient moment, so, if possible, they should be accepted at once. I think there is a tacit agreement between ladies enjoying inconsequential chat that it can be readily interrupted without offence being given if the chance to dance comes along.

    However, it is up to the woman to decide whether the conversation can be interrupted or not, and in this particular case the OP was clearly out of line. I can understand that he might have been a bit miffed at a refusal, but not that he should take vindictive retaliatory action - after all, was he there to dance or not?:rolleyes:
  12. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Yes, very true. I'm sure I've been one saying that I don't care for sitting there without any interaction while waiting to dance. Interrupting to ask for a dance, IMO, is no terribly rude...if done politely. "Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, but would you be interested in dancing?" is a perfectly valid way of going about things. It allows for the possibility that she's just chatting to pass time and would welcome dancing right then, but also acknowledges that the asker is interrupting and it might not be a good time.

    That said, in the OP's scenario, the woman responded politely and went so far as to make good on the "not right now" part of the refusal and went and asked him. That, more than anything, says to me that she was willing but the timing was off. To reject her--incredibly rudely--was out of line. No amount of context makes that OK, IMO.
  13. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    But still it happens. i get people complaining if they had less damces with me than X; then when I offer to dance with them they "punish" me by refusing and dancing with someone else. hardly surprising in a world of quid pro quo, but stoopid nonethless.

    With The Invention of Lyingit would be interesting to know what people are thinking when they do refuse "oh go away you horrid little man"; " Jees I've been sitting here bored for an hour and the moment I open my mouth and have an interesting chat with a friend you come over and ask me to dance." " Not you again I deserve better than this"

    ( add your own)
  14. Heather2007

    Heather2007 New Member

    In much the same way if she's exposing a lot of chest or thigh, she's really just asking to get a load of abuse. Yep, I can understand that. (Not!!)

    I overheard a woman saying yesterday that she'd rather sit and watch than get a bad dance. Which could be the case, non?
  15. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, just that I still consider it incredibly rude and uncalled for. It costs nothing to be polite and considerate. (Nor does it cost anything to be mature about things and to quit taking everything personally, but that doesn't seem to stop people.)
  16. ant

    ant Member

    DB the above post has not answered any of the issues raised.

    The OP asked whether it was rude for a person to defer an invitation to a dance until after she finished her conversation not whether it was acceptable for a guy to intereupt a conversation.

    I then asked you what dance forms you had in mind that expect a lady to drop everything when asked to dance. It seemed to me you was using this, as yet unnamed dance form, as some form of justification for wadpro's subsequent action.
  17. Wolfgang

    Wolfgang Member

    If the 'rejection' the OP speaks of happened in a studio/lesson/practice or similar type setting, it may very well have been just what the lady said and not necessarily an actual rejection.

    In which case I would have to assume the OP doesn't get out much.....

    Because if this happened in an 'uncontrolled' environment (such as a night club or similar venue), it's just one line out of millions.
    They all mean one and the same thing: "You're not my type, go away."
    You gotta get used to those......
  18. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    Another view might be: W felt upset at having his invitation declined in favour of something he reagrded as less important than dancing. He decided that he wished to make known his values and feelings which he clearly stated and he had decided he no longer wished to dance with that person.

    I dont think there is any right or wrong here. I would have been happy to wait for her or find someone else. Unfortunately I think is a case of rotten apples9ie other previous experiences) is why do we sometimes take it personally. For the same reason you wish to be asked to dance for your merit on the dance floor, and not out of any reason of generosity or friendship or as i often do when I dont know anyone at a milonga I simply ask someone who is sitting down.
  19. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    I agree. There is no right or wrong here. She had her reasons for declining. He had his. Both were don't in a manner that someone else feels is tacky... He is judging her, and we are judging him... and round and round it goes.
  20. ant

    ant Member

    I can't agree with this BTM.

    IMO part of the values we are expeced to show when we enter a partner dance environment and especialy AT is to show empathy , respect and understanding with the other people present.

    Again IMO I believe the lady showed at least the level of empathy, respect and understanding such an environment expects.

    However I cannot say the same thing for wadpros's actions.

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