General Dance Discussion > Rejections

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by huey, Feb 6, 2005.

  1. aimerrouge

    aimerrouge New Member

    Yes we do. The reality is there aren't many good leads here, so we try to "help" them by dancing with them and being polite. However, men with utlerior motives are consistently disappointed.

    In fact, many of the "hot" advanced follows have significant others who don't dance.
  2. Vin

    Vin New Member

    I gotta visit :D

    Actually here there are usually more women than men but alot of the ladies tend to sit out rather than give someone the wrong impression. Heck I know some who will walk into a crowded room full of dancers and say, "there's nobody here", because they don't know anybody in the room.
  3. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    No wonder people get tehw rong ideas with me. :oops: Not that I care too much as if I connect and have a wonderful time with dancing with soemone and we both feel like dancing with each other then so be it.
  4. SalsaAmore

    SalsaAmore New Member

    Thank you Vin and Aimerrouge, I like your perspectives and what you convey as well.
  5. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member


    Twilight Elena
  6. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    That's what actually happened. The guy asked me right after I had sat down, and I was tired. Then, after a minute or so (during the same song, but a minute or so after that), I had caught my breath and my teacher asked me. Yes, it was pretty much right after that, if you think about it.

    Twilight Elena
  7. Gentemer

    Gentemer New Member

    Hi Elena, I was triggered to reading this thread by this post:

    I can imagine you feel bad right now. But does it help anybody (people involved including) if you stay away?
    So I would say: just go, take more care of the image you may create in other people's minds, and think no more of it than that.
  8. Vin

    Vin New Member

    Sorry Twilight, yes some guys are going to take what you did sensitively, some guys won't. If it bothers you that much, rather than leave the scene depriving everyone of a great follow, just try and adjust. :D
    No one is perfect and I myself rather than be hypocritical, try and accept imperfection. I have met plenty of women who used to turn me down periodically who now make a habit of asking me to dance.
  9. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Whoever told you I am a great follow?

    Twilight Elena
  10. Vin

    Vin New Member

    Twilight, you care enough to take what people say into account. What makes a great person is not being perfect, but being able to accept that you have imperfections and be willing to try and correct them.
    You have done the first half(in my opinion the hard part) now you just have to learn how to correct it.
  11. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    Huey, I haven't read this whole thread, therefore please forgive me if someone has already asked this question, or you have answered.

    Q - Have you yourself ever turned down a dance when asked?

    I have asked guys to dance AND been declined. Some of them were very good though and said something like "Not just now but later. I will find you." Some of those same guys then found me later and we had our dance :shock: :banana: :lol: They will always have a special place in my heart because they did what they said that they would.

    There have been occassions when I have declined dances and where it was from someone who was not on my scratch list (ie. someone who I knew wanted to grope rather than dance :evil: ) I then made sure I went and asked them for a dance afterwards - either that night or a subsequent occassion.

    Why did I decline the dances in the first place? Many reasons -
    - tired - physically, emotionally or mentally (rare for me, but it does happen!)
    - in need of water
    - had to talk to someone
    - injury/illness
    - about to leave the venue
    - in need of the ladies room :shock: :lol:

    Huey, 9/10 is a great success rate. I don't know of anyone, lead or follow, who asks others to dance and has such a success rate. I think even Johnny Vazquez, Frankie Martinez and James Cobo (quite popular amongst the ladies in salsa from what I hear :wink: ) gets a "No thanks" from time to time :wink:
  12. Gentemer

    Gentemer New Member

    I could not have said it better. (and I saw you edited your post on the other thread, so you are on your way ;-))
  13. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Okay then. I'll go tonight, I'll do my lesson, I'll be a good girl and will dance with the guy when (it's not really an "if", I think) he asks me, but I still reserve the right to reject him in the future. Now how does that sound?

    Twilight Elena
  14. Gentemer

    Gentemer New Member

    Nothing wrong with being human ;-)
  15. luh

    luh Active Member

    there is a lot of stuff to write
    at first huey, i can just say as a lot of other ones said, 9 out of 10 is great.
    2. It is definetly her right to say no, and there are good reasons for it as already mentioned here too. (tiredness happens fast in lindy hop)
    3. think of all the girls who want to dance
    4. I'm just very lucky, I never had a big problem with it. i danced before and i got rejected before. happens. but when i started learning swing, i learned it with a lot of other people who were new to the scene, and everyone was happy to dance with guys. but it was also totally ok if someone rejected someone else.
    andhere it's even better, the lead/follow ratio is 1/4 or even 1/5, so they are happy anyway, and i don't care if someone rejects me (just happened twice and i don't care, she looked tired anyway)
    but there are golden rules to rejection. you never accept another dance for the same song after you just rejected one person. except drunkness or so, someone mentioned it already.But if i understood correctly what Twilight_Elena did, (breaking that rule), that is totally rude has no acceptance at my person. if i had seen that ,i would've NEVER asked you for a dance!
    Another thing whichmade life easy in america was, that i was asked very often, and i didn't had to bother with asking and rejection, here it's totally different.
    Another thing with messing up stuff while dancing. Come on guys it happens, and that doesn't matter. I love improvising, and making up new stuff and it just happens, especially if you don't have an absolutely clear idea of what you want to do. But if i mess something up, i try to dance back into something and if not,just start a new one. doesn't hurt anyone
    btw, i dance lindy hop over here, just in case someone is curious. i prefer the jitterbug and charleston though.
    keep on swingin'
  16. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    All's fair in love and dancing
  17. Vin

    Vin New Member

    Before I had a pretty moderate view on this but some of the stuff is just ridiculous.

    Guys, imagine a great song comes on, some of your favorite partners are in the club. Just as you are about half way to one of your favorite partners one of your least favorite people to dance with intercepts you and asks you to dance. Your socially acceptable options:
    say yes,
    say no and sit out the song.
    Now imagine that 5-10 times a night everytime you go out and that is what some of the ladies go through.

    As guys we rarely are in the power to outright reject women, but we are rejecting women all the time by NOT asking them to dance. We have that power.

    Guys: Cut the ladies some slack

    Ladies: Say yes, say no, whatever you want, realize that if if you turn down guys enough than after a while they will stop asking you to dance.

    yes some ladies have a chip on there shoulders but if I ask a woman to dance and most of the time she says yes than an occasional turn down is not going to hurt my feelings.

    There is one girl in my scene I dance with quite a bit, this sort of attitude in the scene has her feeling guilty everytime she says no to people. I actually had to tell her that we dance enough and that by now we are beyond that. This is a girl that may reject me every 10th or so. Come on what do I expect that she say yes everytime. I wouldn't even expect that success rate from my girlfriend.
  18. youngsta

    youngsta Active Member

    :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:
  19. luh

    luh Active Member

    I'd love that to happen to me.Girls never ask over here. why not? is it not allowed in europe in lindy that you ask the lead?

    i mean it's up to the follow, to say no and ask the other one for a dance. But it's just not part of the etiquette, and i wouldn't like it. There are rules, but not everybody is going to be that nice and go with the rules. I do. And i think it's just fair. These rules aren't made to break your heart. If you wanna break them, break them, if you don't don't. But often people will think of you as unpolite.
    But don't understand me wrong, saying no is completely ok to me. Just not in the situation of saying one time no in a song, and in the same song yes to another one.
    There is one exception to this rule in the etiquette though.
    If you have promised this dance to another dancer, than it's okay to say no to one person and dance with another person in one song.
    I kind of start repeating myself - so i better sh*t up.

  20. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Vin, for that lovely POV. I think that both men and women have a responsibility here. Ladies shouldn't be, well, nasty - and I don't mean accepting every dance, that's ridiculous! We ladies should just try to follow some very basic rules. But the example Vin gave us is a striking one. I've been in that situation one too many times, and that night (that damned night that everyone seems to be gasping about) I was tired of it. I wanted to dance with my favourites, and that's that. I don't think that makes me the evil overlord here. I think every lady has that right.
    Similarly, guys have the right to ask whoever they want. Do you see the ladies complaining?: "Oh, he NEVER asks ME!" I haven't seen very much of that.

    Twilight Elena

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