General Dance Discussion > Rejections

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by huey, Feb 6, 2005.

  1. luh

    luh Active Member

    hmm what kind of dance do you do Twilight?
  2. luh

    luh Active Member

    great i finally found it again.
    at least for swing dancing the following etiquette is supposed to be.


  3. Vin

    Vin New Member

    Luh, isn't there one person that you really dislike dancing with? Imagine her coming up and asking you to dance when you have already decided to ask another person. I have a hard time believing you would truly enjoy this.
  4. blue

    blue New Member

    "Europe" is not all the same. Here (Stockholm, Sweden) women ask a lot. I ask a lot. Just sitting and waiting would drive me crazy. These kind of things are different in different countries, different parts of the country, they can differ between different dance communities...
  5. luh

    luh Active Member

    actually there are. And there probably always will. But the person i'm thinking of i don't like to dance with, happens to be because, she was so darn arrogant when i was a beginner.
    She'd never ask me
    And even if you have a hard time believing it, I'd dance with her.
    I try to dance with all follows from time to time, some more some less, but i dance with everybody, except she was (in this case) mean. But I learned something over there. Normally we guys were supposed to ask. And it was a great honor for us, if a follow asks for a dance. you never reject those dances (except you might broke your leg just before or something i don't know really bad happens)
    And I try to be polite and keep the etiquette always in mind.
    I think politeness in dancing is kind of cool, so i do it. And it works out for me. That followers ask me over here hasn't happened, but if i won't reject it.
    That's how i work :D
  6. luh

    luh Active Member

    sorry, didn't want to generalize it.
    I just haven't been asked for a dance since I'm over here. But that just might as well be because I'm totally new to this scene here. Lets wait and see. I'm soooooooooo looking forward to the dance on Friday and the one on Saturday too. I hope I'm not too sore or anything like that.:D
  7. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    I have heard ladies say that very thing. TE.
  8. blue

    blue New Member

    Could well be. If you are new to the scene + a lot younger than the rest of the crowd, maybe you've got to be the asker until they realise you are a serious dancer. Personally I feel a bit weird about asking a much younger guy to dance; and if he doesn't like dancing with me, I feel like "he thinks I am a dirty old lady". :oops: I don't know if I am typical or not, but if others are like me it might pass when they've seen that you are in it for the dancing.
  9. luh

    luh Active Member

    Yeah that could be too. I'd never think that. I have myself no problem dancing with older people. I hope they'll see that I'm a serious dancer. I really love dancing. I hope I'm gonna be accepted soon in the scene. Always tough to be the only young, and new person. :oops:
  10. ReneeJoan

    ReneeJoan New Member

    I sometimes get a funny vibe from younger men -- more like this look of absolute terror -- like I'm Mrs. Robinson or something. I usually just ignore it and try to be as encouraging and friendly as possible (and turn down the flirtation level to where I won't frighten then).

    One quick way to make friends when you're a newcomer is to hang out near the snack tables. It's a good opportunity to strike up a conversation with someone, either male or female. If it's (for me) a man, then maybe he'll ask me to dance, or if I feel he's receptive, I'll ask him. If it's a woman, she may introduce you to her friends, which is another way to get known. Once a few people know you and give you a chance to "strut your stuff," your dance frequency usually picks up. For me, it usually takes about a month of going to a new venue to make enough friends to where I have a nice group of "regulars" to dance with.

  11. luh

    luh Active Member

    i hope i don't make my partners feel like Mrs. Robinson. :wink:

    As said, I normally dance with older partners. (somehow there is no other choice) and there is always a good chance to get a 'way' older partner, because with 16 -- 30(which i wouldn't call old), it's still almost the double of my age.

  12. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I get asked to dance very little, which means I have to go begging if I want to dance. The other night at the country dance, a song came on that's west coastable, but a little odd and fast. I asked this guy to dance because he looked like a pretty decent dancer and there aren't many wc'ers at this dance. He crinkles his face and says "not to this one!" Ok, fine. "Another one," I say, and walk away. At this point, I'm not going to beg. I figure, if he's a gentleman he'll come get me for a dance later. Does he? No. So, screw him. It just pisses me off.

    Sorry, bitter rant over!
  13. Vin

    Vin New Member

    I have to agree that I have heard this to. Interestingly enough the worst offenders are often the ones I hear complaining. Hmm, what a coincidence.
  14. tacad

    tacad New Member

    Part of this is that it is social, and there are informal rules to social behavior.
    Some people are good at it and some are not. I used to be awful at it. Now I'm better than I used to be. We can and should be polite, courteous, ask people to dance, accept invitations, but this does not change the underlying social reality. The darn pecking order, if you will. It exists, good or not, and needs to be dealt with, one way or another.

    EDIT: No, not the pecking order, but just general social interaction. Some people are too needy and so people shy away. Some people are overbearing, other people are only into themselves and so forth. Some people make other people feel very uncomfortable and it's just the way that is. We can change some of that. Personally I'm making a conscious effort to
    be more welcoming in my own scene. But it also requires some effort on the part of people left out because politeness and courtesy, welcoming newcomers, only goes so far.

    Anyway. :wink:
  15. huey

    huey New Member


    Yes, I have.

    I remember once I turned someone down, and I think the girl was a bit upset. It was when I was a beginner and I was sure she was very good, and just couldn't deal with leading someone of that standard.

    Nowadays I think I use eye contact to avoid people who I think might want to dance with me who I don't really want to dance with. If they actually ask me, I would say yes, and try to enjoy it, but I would prefer to find someone I really feel a good connection with in the first place. I guess that women use eye contact in the same way, and perhaps I should pay attention to this when thinking about asking people.
  16. huey

    huey New Member

    Actually, I think it's more like 8/10. Perhaps I was exaggerating to make myself feel better. But it's reassuring to know that top dancers get turned down too :wink:
  17. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    Really? :oops: We ladies can whine, I suppose...

    Twilight Elena
  18. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    Dear Twilight Elena here's some guidelines on how to be an Evil Empress :wink: :lol: :wink:
  19. cierre boca y baile

    cierre boca y baile New Member

    I agree with Vin. While it doesn't feel good to be turned down, especially the way most girls seem to do it. You should always try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. If a girl turns you down several times, get the hint and don't ask her anymore. It doesn't matter what her reasons are and she's actually doing you a favor. Would you rather her actually say "i don't enjoy dancing with you" or even actually say yes and dance with you. If she does, you get out there and realize that is the last place on earth she wants to be. I've had that happen and it is a horrible feeling to be "stuck" there.

    TE, hang in there and don't get discouraged. My advice is to dance with who you want to and as politely as possible turn down those who you don't. Yes you can use dancing with other people as a "growing" experience, but that is your choice. If you constantly dance with people you don't enjoy dancing with, you will eventually stop enjoying dancing and will quit. Don't do that.

    Yes, if I see a girl reject a guy for a dance, unless I know her I probably won't go right up and ask her to dance. Not because I think she is a bad person, but because not knowing why she said no, I figure my chances aren't that good either. At the same time, I don't try to judge the girl or "get her back" for rejecting other guys. If I want to ask her to dance I will or if she asks me I will. I've had a few experiences with this recently.

    One, I see a girl I'd danced with a few weeks ago, get up and start walking across the club toward me. On the way, a good looking latino guy stops her and I'm sure asked her to dance with him. She says something to him and then proceeds to walk on over to me and ask me to dance. Did I say yes to her...of course!

    Another girl came with a friend and was sitting at my table. At least 15 guys came up to her and asked her to dance all she would do was shake her head no to each of them. I was the only one she would dance with the whole time she was there. For whatever reason, she wasn't comfortable dancing with guys she didn't know. Maybe she had a bad experience recently or wasn't comfortable with her dancing skills. She said she had a good time and wanted me to teach her maybe next time for the other guys.

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