Discussion in 'Dance Articles' started by johnsnjr, May 3, 2005.
I love those people.
Well, if you don't want to dance, you have to step aside. Then it is clear. Otherwise, on the frontline, yes, everybody is under obligation - namely, to reject only for a few well-established reasons.
(How many times did you go to a restaurant known to you with a thought "If I don't want to eat, I don't have to"?)
Well, I guess some people are very picky about the menu. However, that's fine in a restaurant but not so cool on a dance floor.
I've been at salsa dances where there are many ladies standing at the edge of the dance floor, clearly hoping to to be asked. At the same time, there are a whole bunch of guys standing around scanning the room but not asking any of those available ladies. All of these people know how to dance, so skill is largely not the issue. I'll give some allowances for the room being dark and crowded, maybe hard to see people sometimes, but still...it seems uncool.
Jenny, that's very well said. Something very much to hope for as an ideal...
So you've had a taste of what we ladies have to put up with all. the. time.
I think it's one of the things leaders sometimes can miss that are angry about being rejected, or about ladies being more cautious than leads would prefer about accepting a dance with someone they don't know.
Further back in the thread, someone made a list of the bad kinds of leads we followers can be subject to -- the list included types that won't leave you alone, and types that can literally dislocate your shoulder or hurt you in other ways.
Now you -- the leader who is complaining -- knows whether or not you're one of those guys. But the point is, we don't know until after we dance with you.
And at that point, it's too late for us.
And for those saying "Well, you'll never know if you don't take the chance if that leader could have turned out to be a great dancer someday" -- and the thing is, if I'm risking a possibility of a broken toe, or a stalker, or worse?
I'll take the chance of never knowing, thanks.
I know there are some leads that really get upset with that point of view. But to paraphrase, I think, Atwood - men are afraid of being humiliated. Women are afraid of being harassed -- or worse.
And if you're going to prioritize your risk of being humiliated over my risk of being hurt, or harassed? Then, again, I'd rather not know, thanks.
Wow, that's a lot of crud (or even worse) to possibly go through! Again, yikes!
Well, I just think it's important for some leaders whose feelings are hurt when they're rejected that don't really understand this -- if we don't know you, these are the possibilities we face every time someone we don't know asks us.
Precisely because we don't know.
A lot of them haven't really thought about it that way before.
Thanks! Hearing your viewpoint has been very enlightening to me... :cheers:
Monday night I was in a small place that was very lead heavy and also very heavy on new leads, so I danced with a lot more new people than I normally would. A couple of the guys were very nice and I could tell they appreciated the practice. One guy held me too close and I was very uncomfortable, not because he was a stranger, but because it was awkward body positioning and he wouldn't loosen his grip on me lol Another guy was a real jerk, telling me to teach him, if I could. When I couldn't (because I don't know how to lead) he assumed I was as clueless as he was. Then he saw me dance with someone else. He didn't ask me to dance again. Accepting dances with strangers is enough of a mixed bag to avoid the whole situation if a room is sufficiently full of familiar faces.
WW, what you described seems to speak to what basicarita has been saying...
Yep. I'm in her corner.
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