Salsa > social etiquette question

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by noobster, Jul 8, 2007.

  1. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Absolutely. I was going to say it takes two to tango, but hey, this is the salsa thread. :p
  2. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    no no no... men much be macho... you must pay for everything, do all the wooing... and take full initiative.. otherwise the chica won't think you're a man enough for her ;)
  3. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Most jokes have some truth to them. ;)
  4. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    As a man, I think to the contrary.

    I think the best solution for me, and perhaps for other gentlemen, especially if they are newbies, are two dances (which apparently is the rule). Then I'll stop asking, and wait for her to ASK ME to dance, and to converse WITH ME.

    I think it terribly misleading to dance with a man all night long and expect the man to think that you are not interested, e.g., if both the man and woman are single, not involved in relationship.

    That is why I believe they, in part, came up with the rule of two or three dances. The Rule was probably established so that one can have as many dances with as many different partners as possible to improve one's dancing style and performance. But go beyond that and a reasonable expectation might arise.

    I guess social dancing in the dance world means something entirely different than in the lay world. I think most who do not dance seriously consider social dancing an activity to enjoy and is a conduit to meet members of the opposite sex and find romantic partners.

    That is not the case at all - AFAIK, with 'social dance' parties at studios.

    However, there's nothing worse than giving a man the wrong signals. Therefore, I would like to establish a new Rule-man or woman asks for two dances, that is it. Either asks for more, it should be assumed there's an interest on SOMEONE's part for something possibly more than just someone to dance with...assuming both are in the market.

    It IS complex. I'm single and though I might like dancing with someone, no matter how good she might be, I'm not going to waste my time pursuing someone who has no interest in me. To dance with me all night implies there's an attraction going on, if at a function similar to that described by the poster.

    At a social dance party, I really do not EXPECT anything. But there are ways to determine what's going on-they may be very subtle, though.

    This is really complex for me! Sorry.
  5. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    Yeah, I don't find that offensive. And I can use it myself if I'm not particularly attracted to a woman but caught in a similar situation.
  6. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    Tried the 2 dance rule last night. Nuh uh. We had some... aggressive... visiting follows. Didn't work at a ballroom venue last weekend either. Got cornered by a sweet but tenacious older lady from Carolina. Luckily the place actually has dance cards and I was able to get a semi-regular to "remind" me that the 5th set was with her. Thanks, D!
  7. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    Without reading beyond your post, I think you misread her. I think she was defiinitely interested in this guy and the guy gave her ambiguous and inconsistent signals. A man who is interested in a woman and attracted to her and takes her to dinner, etc. is going to KISS her. Given all of her facts, I feel this guy is not really interested in anything other than a friendship or is ambivalent.

    Things, however, can and do change.
  8. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    What 'relationship' (I'm commenting as I'm reading each post)?
  9. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    The guy's a jellyfish. He should've said, "I'd like to ask you out for dinner, and then meet up with your friends. He did not, so he's either cheap, broke, or not interested in you romantically when he asked you.
  10. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    Sorry, you're way out there..
  11. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    Go, GF! A 'maybe' date? What the h is that? My father told me many years ago to look at what people do, not what they say! Actions do speak louder than words! He did not even pay for your cover? Or your dinner, or your drink? Unless he has some kind of perceived ethical conflict (is he your instructor, and, if so, would there be an ethical problem?) I see no interest in you at that time.
  12. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    With my limited experience in the social dancing world, the above post is scary...because there might be truth in it :eek:.
  13. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    On the contrary, that would've been the perfect solution. If he were to say something negative, then at least you'd know and not be mentally f'ing your head up and wasting all your time on this.

    Sorry, that would've been a perfect solution!
  14. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    rumblefish, you will do yourself a world of good and quickly make things simple for yourself if you consider social dance events *only* for dancing...unless you get clobbered over head by a connection you simply can't ignore.

    just a suggestion... :)
  15. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member


    I'm curious. What were the rules in the 30's and 40's when people went social dancing?

    I thought that's how lots of people met up and dated and eventually married?

    Has that changed? Apparently so!

    If I follow your advice, I am going to limit my social dancing. I don't fancy going out every night without making a connection. So I'll continue full bore ahead with my classes but limit social dancing to one or two a week.

    I'll make my connections elsewhere, then, and will return as a couple to dance lessons and social dance parties.

    Does that sound like a reasonable approach-look at the social dance as a mere extension of the classroom and nothing more?

    The sad fact may be that all the romance, sensuality and raw sexuality of dance may all but disappear if you become serious about the dance. Talk about irony! :eyebrow:
  16. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    I agree with samina...
    Yes, of course, some people do meet and make romantic connections in the course of dancing. It's a social activity like many things are. The distinction to be made is whether that is your primary, or only goal. I don't think it's fair to expect that to happen all the time.

    Dances are not bars or singles parties. Many people attend them strictly to practice their dancing - and some folks are married or unavailable. I am referring to events that are specifically for people who are trained in certain dances (as opposed to freestyling in a club). For me personally, I am there to dance, and I have made many good friends. If I happen to meet someone romantically, fine, but it's not a primary goal.

    As for the guy I talked about earlier, he continued to display signs of interest such as taking me out for some meals, drinks, shows, etc. (which he paid for) yet he never proceeded in a romantic sense. I just decided he was happy with friendship.
  17. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    "The sad fact may be that all the romance, sensuality and raw sexuality of dance may all but disappear if you become serious about the dance. Talk about irony! :eyebrow:"

    Lordie, No.
    It just ain't so.

    All of those things: romance, sensuality and raw sexuality are still there.
    Thing is, you leave it on the dance floor, rather than getting a room.

    And the good part is that there isn't someone confronting you or giving you the Evil Eye when you go back to the same place the next time, because you didn't call her. And you've still got a great dance partner.
  18. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member


    Well, I was hoping to combine the two as you apparently were, also, Jenny, but I now see that it's probably not likely to happen in the context of serious 'social dancing'. It's more likely to happen, if at all, while taking a dance class, or meeting someone in a 'regular' dance place where noone knows what they're doing, or entirely outside the dance realm.

    Thanks for updating us with your status.
  19. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    Yeah, sort of like going to junior high school dance parties. :eek: Well, that's the way it is, apparently, because it may be that is all that 'works'.
    It seems sophomoric to me but who am I to criticize. Just go dancing and have a good time, I guess. :).

    If one meets the 'love of their life', I guess it's not going to be at a social dance, then again, one never knows, or can say that with any certainty.
  20. rumblefish

    rumblefish New Member

    Have you followed your own advise? If not, do you have regrets? Who are you currently seeing now? Wanna see me? :ladiesma:

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