Dancers Anonymous > Tactful Way to Make It Clear that You Are in a Relationship/Not Interested?

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by BM, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. BM

    BM New Member

    I've been stuck in this situation multiple times and I don't think I've ever managed to get out of it gracefully. :oops:

    I met someone briefly recently, but definitely got the "I'm interested" vibes. Even more recently, this someone asked in an E-mail if I would be interested in meeting again. I have nothing against meeting with someone for lunch/drinks/coffee/movies/tractor pulls, but I absolutely do not want to lead anyone on if I can help it.

    I haven't responded yet. Thoughts/advice? Thanks!

    Oh, and I apologise if there's already a thread on this somewhere.
     
  2. DancePoet

    DancePoet Well-Known Member

    I'd be truthful, and then let them have an option to opt out of what they have suggested. :cool:
     
  3. BM

    BM New Member

    That's what I'd like to do . . . I guess my problem then is wording it. I'd imagine that just responding with "Hey, sure, but just so you know, I'm happily spoken for!" would be less than merciful. Plus the invitation was so open-ended: no location, no time, so it'd be tough for the person to come up with an excuse to not be able to make it . . . EVER! :p
     
  4. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Much the same way you put it in your post. "I'd like to get coffee/drinks/etc. and chat, but i don't want to lead you on b/c I'm in a relationship/not looking."
     
  5. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

  6. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    Quick, early on and direct is probably the least painful for both. How he takes it is his business.
     
  7. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    If in a relationship: "I'd love to meet up again for tea/hot chocolate/smoothies. I'm pretty busy this week/weekend with the SO. But how about next week/weekend?"

    If single but unavailable: "I'd love to meet up again for tea/hot chocolate/smoothies. Next week is going to be craaaazy, what with Cuban salsa on Monday, LA on Tuesday, NY on Wednesday, Puerto Rican on Thursday, rueda on Friday. Small wonder I don't have time for a relationship. :mockpout: :lol: But how about next week/weekend?"

    Edit:
    And if the person says he/she can't make next week/weekend: "I'm sorry to hear that. Well, you give me a call whenever it's a better day for you."
     
  8. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    Brav(o/a) for making such an effort to be considerate of the other person's feelings. :applause:
     
  9. MacMoto

    MacMoto Active Member

    I think it's actually more merciful than not mentioning that you are in a relationship. And since it's going to be email rather than face-to-face, it won't feel too awkward for either of you. When I get "I'm interested" vibes from someone, I try to drop my SO in the conversation as soon as possible.
     
  10. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    No, don't say that in an email. It's more awkward that way. For now, be busy for meeting up. Some other time when you are in a group setting with this person, make a reference to your SO in conversation - something really simple - like something you did with your SO,or a gift that you got. Just a small part of a conversation, and keep moving on.

    It will give this other person the knowledge that you have an SO without you having to offer it directly in a 1:1 conversation of email. Saves this person the awkwardness of being caught in a position of having made an advance only to be caught off gaurd.

    [Agree with MacMoto]
     
  11. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    Sometimes telling people you're unavailable (especially married), you become even more desirable.
     
  12. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Lol, MQ. I had been thinking that I've had issues w/ people not getting it. Not subtle hits, not not-so-subtle hints, not outright "I'm freakin' happily married and wish to stay that way"...not sure where the WEDDING BAND and DAIMOND RING fit into that spectrum...

    And, yet, the invitations (which send up all kinds of red flags--something about them isn't a casual, friends-chatting-over-coffee invitation) continue. Grrr...
     
  13. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    :eyeing mamboqueen: :raisebro:
     
  14. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    You can look all you want ;)
     
  15. Genesius Redux

    Genesius Redux New Member

    I would leave it vague in the email. "Sure, that would be fun. Drop me a line." As long as you're being clear about the SO, and you think it really would be fun, then there's no harm. Put the ball entirely in their court--there are indeed people who are willing to interfere in settled relationships. But they aren't going to get anywhere unless there's a mutual agreement. So if you're clear in your own mind and principles, either the other person will pick up on it and abandon you for someone more receptive, or romantic (or sexual) interest will mellow into friendship.
     
  16. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm guessing it's because they're "safe" with unavailable people...meaning there's no chance for any sort of relationship or commitment....we're not going to be nagging them to put the toilet seat back down *LOL*
     
  17. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    :lol:
     
  18. mamboqueen

    mamboqueen Well-Known Member

    :together:
     
  19. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    ...not that my diamond ring is my engagement ring...but most people don't know that...I wonder what people think about the wedding band+ring set I wear on my right hand...

    Sorry...musing...un-hijack...
     
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I have not met these men...thankfully
     

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