Dancers Anonymous > Tactful Way to Make It Clear that You Are in a Relationship/Not Interested?

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by BM, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Congrats! :p

    But one thing I want to add is that both people in the relationship have to know. Sometimes this doesn't happen, and only one person feels that way, and they end up in a divorce. I'm not trying to be a downer about anything, I've just seen it happen is all.
  2. jfm

    jfm Active Member

    Wow! 30 years, good going!
    My parents go married in 1973 and are still together... It's weird to think that I'm older than my mum and dad when they got married, I think people must've grown up a lot quicker then!
  3. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Ditto on the congrats!

    And I'll echo the "you'll know" sentiment. I was 17 when DH and I started dating. I knew, beyond all doubt, that he was The One about 4 months later. My mom says the same thing...she knew my dad was The One after a couple of weeks, and in about a month they'll celebrate their 34th anniversary.
  4. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    That is an odd feeling, isn't it. I recently realized that when my mom was my age she'd had both my brother and me. Freaky. I can barely manage to take care of everything with just me, DH, and the two cats...can't begin to contemplate what kids would do...don't want to contemplate, either.
  5. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    We get involved with the people we associate with and who have similar interests. With dancing that's practically built-in.

    Dancing encompasses almost my entire social life. At least I'm not going to act surprised if a relationship should come from it.
  6. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    You just made me realize. When Mozart was my age he had been dead for 20 years. Makes us realize how little we've accomplished.
  7. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Ditto here!

    Nice change - that you are now open to this idea :)
  8. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    The way I see it, it reminds me that my hold on life is... at best tenuous. He made full use of it as he saw fit. I don't mind not accomplishing things that count as "accomplishments", but it does bring up a heightened awareness that the accomplishments that matter to me in my personal life must be taken care of speedily. Because who knows, there may be no tomorrow...
  9. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't go that far. Maybe I should turn up the gain up the subjuctive knob:
    "At least I'm not going to act surprised were a relationship to ever come from it."

    To borrow from a line in "A Christmas Story":
    "I just stand there totally and completely clueless. It's my only defense."
  10. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    DWise, why don't you shut up and just accept that you let slip that you are hopeful ? :p
  11. jfm

    jfm Active Member

    You know what, one of the things my mum always says, she thinks they stayed together when everyone else around were splitting up because they waited 10 years before they had children so the first 10 years of marriage were all about having fun and doing what people in their 20s do, later on she didn't feel like she'd missed out on stuff (work, parties, drink, drugs, music) like some of her friends who popped the sprogs out straight away. So for some people kids are the glue, but for others, maybe not.
  12. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Come on, everybody knows that Earth girls are easy.
  13. DancinAnne

    DancinAnne New Member

    My parents did this too... married about 10 years before having kids. They traveled and spent time together. They were married just short of 47 years when my dad passed. My mother still says he was the love of her life and will never look for another. I love my mommy.
  14. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    i always love hearing those stories.

    personally, haven't met The One yet...
  15. DWise1

    DWise1 Well-Known Member

    The mood of the original statement was definitely subjunctive (as opposed to the indicative mood, which you seem to be reading into it). My restatement of it only served to make the mood more unambiguous.

    [BTW, fellow language geeks would have caught that; "mood" is also a grammatical term used in verb systems to indicate different forms of communication; eg, indicative (statements of fact), subjuntive (non-factual, speculative, contrary-to-fact, uncertainty of the truth of the statement, wishes (eg, "¡Viva México!"), etc), imperative (commands), infinitive (the unconjugated forms of the verb).]

    For example, this morning I was thinking about a recent post on one of these threads and reflected on my marriage. For 28 years, I could never do anything right. It seemed like everything I ever did was wrong. Others try to work out win-win situations whereas I was always having to figure out how to be in the least-deep form of trouble, because no matter what I did I would always be in trouble. And she'd always let me know it.

    Everybody has told me that that was just her and that it was all her problem, not mine. But then I keep seeing the same situations play out, where the guy is in trouble no matter what he does, and I cannot help but suspect that my ex was normal and that far more likely than not I'll be in for the same kind of mistreatment in whatever other intimate relationships.

    It makes me want to register as a "conscientious objector". I've already served my time; I don't want to have to put up with that again.
  16. Zhena

    Zhena Well-Known Member

    I admit that the cliche exists - DH and I joke about it between ourselves, our friends joke about it in their relationships, it shows up in sit-com plot lines, but I know of only one relationship that is consistently like that.

    The couple I'm referring to is not going to get a divorce, so they will continue to be unhappy together. But the strange thing is, even though I feel sorry for the man every time a situation arises my heart really goes out to the woman. He has learned to let it flow over him (at least it appears so on the surface) so she gets most of the effects of the poison she spews. Her resentment of him is the major source of negative energy in her life. If she could just find it in herself to not blame him for everything, she could be much happier. She is trapped in the belief that he deliberately does things, or doesn't do things, with the goal of upsetting her. I have joked that she can make his request for her to pass the salt at the dinner table into a declaration of war. She complains that other people think he's a saint when they don't know how awful he is to her, but the actions she complains about could be perceived as positive or neutral if she could get her mind to bend in that direction. She gives both herself and him so much needless pain, and it hurts me to see it because I love them both. I do what I can to soften things for both of them, but I don't see any way to fix the problem.

    So ... my two points are that situations where the guy is in trouble no matter what he does are not necessarily all that pleasant or healthy for the woman, and that not every relationship is really like that.
  17. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    you have some point there Dwise...some part of that will exist...perhaps just not as disproportinately
  18. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    i didn't read it. :rolleyes:
  19. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Well, my mom was married once before she met my dad, and had my oldest sister through him. But by the time she married my dad, they were both older. They didn't feel the need to party and what have you. I'm not into parties myself really. So, the guy I end up marrying will probably be out of that stage too. But yeah, it really depends on the situation. I know of others not like this. But whatever works for the couple to make them last is amazing in my opinion. Not everyone will be the same, but I just love hearing those types of stories. ;)

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