Tango Argentino > Tango Humour

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Dave Bailey, Jan 16, 2009.

  1. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

  2. Captain Jep

    Captain Jep New Member

    I was moved ... :cool:

    from Terminator 2 :
    [last lines]
    Sarah Connor: [narrating] The unknown future rolls toward us. I face it, for the first time, with a sense of hope. Because if a machine, a milonginator, can learn the value of dancing with a hopeless lady beginner, maybe we can too...
  3. Captain Jep

    Captain Jep New Member


    A few bon mots from Terminator 3 (Rise of the Machines) :

    Terminator: Katherine Brewster? Have you sustained injury?
    Kate Brewster: You led me onto that f**king stiletto! Drop dead, you *******!
    Terminator: I am unable to comply.

    [the Terminatrix walks into a milonga to look for a dance]
    Terminatrix: Dance with me now.
    Male Maestro: Patience, honey.
    [the T-X steps up onto the stage]
    Male Maestro: Whoa, bitch. Wait your turn.
    Terminatrix: Embrace me.
    Male Maestro: Talk to the hand.
    [the T-X grabs his hand and speaks to it]
    Terminatrix: Now.

    Dr. Peter Silberman: You're safe now, they can't hurt you. Kate, my name is Doctor Silberman. I'm a post trauma counselor for the Sheriff's Department. How are you feeling?
    Kate Brewster: He's not human... he's really, not human.
    Dr. Peter Silberman: I know what it's like to dance with a dancer from Tango Por Dos, I've been there myself. The fear, the adrenaline, you find yourself imagining things, impossible things, crazy things, insane things... takes years to get over it.

    Terminator: Desire is irrelevant. I am a tango dancer.

    Rich Woman: [seeing the nude T-X walking toward her] Are you ok? Do you want me to call 911?
    T-X: I like your dance partner.

    Kate Brewster: Just die, you bitch!

    John Connor: The Nuevo Terminatrix, can you find a way to destroy it?
    Milonguinator: Unlikely. I'm an obsolete design.

    Terminator: (at El Corte) Your levity is good, it relieves tension and the fear of social death.

    John Connor: Tell her who I am.
    Terminator: John Connor is the leader of the milonguero resistance and last hope for tangokind.

    Kate Brewster: So what's his story?
    John Connor: He's a robot from the future. Living tissue over a metal hip replacement. He means you no harm.

    [T-X has shot a woman she thinks is Kate]
    T-X: Kate the Milonguera?
    [T-X lifts the woman up, and tries to get her to pivot on one leg - unsuccessfully]
    T-X: No.

    Kate Brewster: John, what is he saying?
    John Connor: Negracha Day. The end of the world. It's today, three hours from now.
    Terminator: Two hours and fifty-three minutes.

    Kate Brewster: What exactly am I in this future of yours?
    Terminator: You're John Connor's spouse and regular dance partner.
    Kate Brewster: [Shaking her head, clearly not pleased to hear that] No, I...
    [looks at John]
    John Connor: What?
    Kate Brewster: [to John] You're a mess.
    John Connor: Hey, you're not exactly my type, either.
  4. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member


    Gancho, and gancho, and gancho,
    Cortado in this petty pace from Sunderland to Ideal,
    To the last sacada of cross system ;
    And all our yesterdays have lighted milongas
    The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candela!
    Life's but a walking shadow, a poor milonguero,
    That caminadas and corridas his hour upon the stage,
    And then is heard no more. It is a tale
    Told by an idiot, full of boleos and colgadas,
    Signifying nothing.
  5. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

  6. Captain Jep

    Captain Jep New Member

    Heehee ...

    And ... If you're carrying a bag of potatoes round the dance floor, drop them ! :twisted:
  7. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    Asimov's Three Laws of Tangobotics

    1. A Milonguero may not allow his partners heels to injure another dancer or, through inaction, allow another dancer to come to harm.
    2. A Follower must follow a leader, except where such leading would conflict with the First Law.
    3. A Milonguero must protect its own and his partners legs as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
  8. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

    Oooh, nice one - but I'd rephrase 3. as:

    3. A Milonguero must protect other couples, as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
  9. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    but I think my second law should really come third and the third go into second; its only logical; the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.... or the one.
  10. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    It's "the few--or the one."
  11. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    true Kirk adds "the one"

    Isnt this reversed at some stage where "the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many" ?? like all good truisms the opposite can also be true.
  12. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    The Milongrix.

    There are two tangos: one that consists of the tango we dance every day - and one that lies behind it.
    One is a dream. The other is The Milongrix.
    "Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream, Neo? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?"

    Neo is desperately seeking the truth about The Milongrix. - something he's heard of only in whispers - something mysterious and unknown - something, Neo is certain, that has unimaginable and sinister control over his life.

    What is The Milongrix?

    Neo believes that Milonguroeus a person he knows only through legend, an elusive figure considered to be the most dangerous man alive, can give him the answer.
    All I am offering is the Truth.
    One night, Neo is contacted by Trinity a beautiful stranger who leads him into another world, an underworld where at last he meets Milonguroeus and learns for himself the truth about The Milongrix.
    No one can be told what The Milongrix is. You have to see it for yourself.

    Hello, Neo".
    "How do you know that name?", he tries to remain calm but responds too quick.
    "I know a lot about you. I've been wanting to meet you for some time".
    "Who are you?"
    "My name is Trinity".
    "Trinity? The Trinity?", he looks startled, suddenly interested. "The Trinity that cracked triple gancho suspended boleo off-axis sequence?
    "That was a long time ago, Neo".
    "No way", he is impressed.
    "I just thought..."
    She cuts him off, "...that I was a guy? Most guys do".
    Neo is a little embarrassed.
    "I don't have much time, Neo".

    The MUSIC is so loud they must stand very close, talking directly into each other's ear.
    "That was you on my computer, wasn't it?"
    "I brought you here to warn you, Neo. You are in a lot of danger. The Traditionalists are watching you, Neo. Something happened and they found out about you".
    "I don't understand -"
    "You came here because you wanted an answer the the question".
    He takes a sharp intake of breath, "The Milongrix. What is the Milongrix ?"

    Her body is against his; her lips very close to his ear.
    There is a hypnotic quality to her voice and Neo feels the words like a drug, seeping into him.

    "The truth is out there, Neo. It's looking for you and it will find you, if you want it to."

    "That's all I can tell you right now. Good-bye, Neo."
  13. Captain Jep

    Captain Jep New Member

    He wakes. To a memory of tight red dresses and disciplined stilettoes. The sound of Massive Attack's "Angel" comes at him from the speakers. There is someone at the door.
  14. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    The Milongrix contd

    It seems that you have been living two lives. In one life, you are
    Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software
    company. You have a social security number, you pay your
    taxes and you help your land lady carry out her garbage.

    The other life is lived in confiterias where you go by the tanguero alias Neo, and are guilty of virtually every tango crime we have a law for, including the use of high boleos on the dance floor fand for the unauthorised use of adornos.

    Neo feels himself sinking.
  15. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    MOUSe: Milongueroeus is tangoing with Neo!

    All at once they bolt for the door.

    Neo's face is knotted, teeth clenched, as he hurls
    himself at Morpheus.

    Milongueroeus: Good. Adaption. Improvisation. But your weakness isn't your technique.

    Milongeroeus dances with him and it is like nothing we have seen.
    His feet are everywhere with total dissociation of the upper body. For
    every step Neo takes, five more go between or sandwich or trap--

    Neo falls. Panting, on his hands and knees, blood spits floor, his
    mouth speckling the white floor of the Dojo.

    Milongueroeus: How did I beat you?

    NEO: You -- You're too fast.

    Milongueroeus: Do you think my being faster, stronger has anything to do with my muscles in this place?

    Neo is frustrated, still unable to catch his breath.

    Milongueroeus: Do you believe that's air you are breathing now?

    Neo squints at him.

    Milongueroeus: If you can free your mind, the
    body will follow.

    Neo stands, nodding.
  16. Captain Jep

    Captain Jep New Member

    I have no idea where this is going but I'm hangin' in for the ride :cool:
  17. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    tee, hee, hee, hee.
  18. Consuela

    Consuela Member

  19. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

  20. Heather2007

    Heather2007 New Member

    Excellent :)

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