Salsa > The Art of Giving Out Your Number

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by blossomingsalsadancer, Aug 18, 2005.

  1. luh

    luh Active Member

    I'm starting to completely read this thread. nice thread. to comment on this:

    When i ask for a number, I'm probably looking for a place to stay over night. :shock:
    No kidding, i really do. But i always feel so dumb, to ask if i could stay at his/her house some time, and than asking for the number. (i can't go home after dances, because there are no train connections to get home that late - that's why)
  2. luh

    luh Active Member

    I'm not sure if someone answered this already, I'm still on page 3 ;), but yes, email is way less romantic - you don't ask someone for a date via email. Or at least i'd never do that.
  3. luh

    luh Active Member

    okay, there are few more things i want to say. which i forgot till now.

    I'd really enjoy having contact with the people from my swing scene (it's a small one anyways, everyone knows everyone - there are never real strangers around), and i mean doing something outside of dancing. I never had the guts to ask for something.
    A lot of people go into dancing with a partner or friend. I did not have this. I neither had a dance partner, nor a friend who went with me to classes, maybe that is a reason for this desire.
    Also, where I'm always afraid of is, that - since I'm the youngest - people don't take me serious. (i mean really serious - some do as they'd be my mom - i hate that)

    In my most venturous dreams, i'm planning on doing a dance evening at my house (old huge farm), with maybe a little clip section( old ones - 1941...), but I'm not sure if i have enough strength to ask people to come out to my house.

    Since our scene is not very big and we are all taught by one teacher, the teacher did give us a mail few days ago, where she sent around all names, with phone numbers and email adresses. That is a very good way of getting people to contact each other.

    there was one more thing but i forgot it. will post it tomorrow
  4. gte692h

    gte692h Member

    haha, i bet pygmalion does some great shoulder isolations!
  5. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hey. How did you know I love shoulder isolations? 8) :D

    But yeah. I shrug a lot in real life, too, not just virtual life. I know what I know. That's for sure. But, in the larger scheme of things, what I know is not all that much. So I shrug. 8) :D
  6. kdogg

    kdogg New Member

    Ya right, that's your master plan :wink: . The girls don't freak out with such a request. How do you ask them? Do you make a cute baby face that they find it hard to refuse. :lol: :raisebro: I like the German culture, it's pretty laid back. How late do the trains there run till?
  7. luh

    luh Active Member

    :lol:, some girls do, some don't. It's probably getting tougher to get places, because i'll probably bring my gf to the dances, so i'd need ask for 2, don't know how many girls will like that ;) :lol:

    Normally i don't do cute baby face. (probably because i'm just not cute), when they start about, how long do you drive here, how do you get back, i normally answer sth like "i don't come back, i always need a place to stay over night, just kinda tough to ask or find one", and than, if they got it, they'll go like "well you can stay at my house, my number is ..." - that's the way i like it. But pretty much every one i dance more with knows it, and by now i got plenty of places to stay over night, which is very nice! (10 offers or more) (just gotta love my scene - they really support me well with that!)

    the late trains? theoretically, they run till 12 am from freiburg, but than i need another train to get on, and to catch that one, i'd need to leave at 10pm from freiburg, and that's the time when our dances normally start. (9-10 beginners lesson, from 10 - 3 am dancing).
  8. ash88

    ash88 New Member

    How long does the trip one-way take?

    Seems like mucho dedication to travel those distances to dance.
  9. luh

    luh Active Member

    mucho = much?

    to get to my lessons it takes 2 hours, last time i had a 3 h ride back home, because the trains didn't run constantly through till 12 am.

    I think in the future, I'll just have 2 hours back.
  10. azzey

    azzey Member

    I'm on the next flight! :lol:
  11. englezul

    englezul New Member

    Just casually mention your ('imaginary') boyfriend. That's enough to throw off 85% of the guys interested. The other 14% in their vast majority don't dance salsa. And the 1%...well, you figure it out.

    But honestly, I don't get what the fuss is all about regarding dating in the salsa scene. Somehow many people want a 'different' reality, think 'normal rules' don't apply in the salsa scene. A friend of mine was telling me that she couldn't even fathom getting a boyfriend who doesn't dance just because that's what she does most of her free time, and would appreciate seeing him more than once a week for a 2-3 hours. Besides, salsa is in its nature is perfect for those who are in love witheachother. So my take on it is 'rules do apply', only give out your number to men already in your salsa social circle, and men who you would like seeing outside the salsa scene too.

    And don't be afraid to say no. Men will appreciate this more than giving them a number but not picking up their calls or evasive answers. The boyfriend excuse works well and will not offend anyone.
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    What rules apply? (OMG! What am I missing? )
  13. englezul

    englezul New Member

    The rules of social dynamics. Particularly if men/women are romantically interested in other men/women they will ask for some contact information with the intention of setting up a date. The fact that it happens inside this 'salsa scene' is immaterial because it doesn't transcend the human nature, attraction, and desire for companionship.

    Now to get back to what I actually wanted to post. I just read
    This is hilarious to me. How about you bust their balls a little when they make such request and ask them when they have to go to school in the morning. Because unless this kind of behaviour is coming from your annoying 5th grader little sister, it is unnaceptable. It sounds like manipulation if you ask me. I see nothing wrong with girls calling you and asking you if you can give them a ride home provided that you don't have to go out of your way to do it. But if you don't feel like doing it just say NO. Why feel bad? It's ridiculous. The same thing applies for dancing with them. Dance with them only if you enjoy it and if theyre truly your friends. If they're just acquaintances and don't have any level of connection established then feel free to pass. Just tell them you're waiting for this other girl to finish up because you've wanted to dance with her for the longest time, or give them a humorous answer and change the topic until you see a suitable partener being available. Or if you feel comfortable with it walk away.
  14. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Uhh. Interesting. I can see I'm going to have to read your posts a little closer before I reply. Social dynamics sounds a little deep for me. :cool: :wink:
  15. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Okay. So I've skimmed a couple pages -- enough to almost remember this old thread. :lol:

    Yepper. There are some unwritten rules around the whole dating thing, I agree. I, even after quite a few years of dating, etc, am not sure what the rules are, sometimes. But I know that there are rules, because I seem to keep breaking them. lol.

    And about the giving folks a hard time thing, I have to say I disagree. If your intention is to get a date or spark a romantic interest, asking someone when they have to get to school in the morning probably won't, IMHO, accomplish your purpose. Even if that's what you're thinking, saying it would just be offensive. Nobody wants to hear that their behavior is grade-schoolish. Now do they? There's gotta be a better way, IMO.

    Okay. Now I'm off to reacquaint myself with the first ten pages of this thread. I can't remember back to July and August. I must be getting old. :? :lol:
  16. englezul

    englezul New Member

    Yeah, that's a smart knat word for a very simple thing. Using over the top names for simple things, acronyms, etc. is an easy way to shut people up and take over while establishing yourself as the leader. Useful in company meetings. That's also social dynamics. ;). Just kidding.
  17. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    That's 'cause I'm a moderator. It's my job, silly. :lol:
  18. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Got it. Too bad I know what social dynamics is/are, and won't shut up... Just kidding. :lol:

    (ah ha! You're not the only smart aleck on board today, huh? :wink: :lol: )
  19. amrimi

    amrimi New Member

    That's what I usually do and saying something along the lines of I'll send you a message when we go out dancing the next time (we consisting of two other females and a male friend). Also it is always good to gather as much information as possible about the regular males from other females. That way one can avoid being to friendly or giving out numbers to the ones that are trying to hit on everyone. Some are very good at disguising their intentions.

    For example there is this one guy at my regular club who is a very smooth dancer and really nice to talk to, never taking advantage of any Situation and kinda good looking. I can really understand that lots of women fall for this guy. But the thing is that he is married and has 2 children and his favourite sport is to steal other men's women. But I really enjoy dancing with this guy. So last time when he asked how come that I don't BF, I just dropped very casually that the reason might be that most men I meet there are already married. (He didn't know that I have this information about him). The result was that he immedeatly dropped that topic and did't try to approach the topic again.

    Another good approach is also if you know that this guy is good friends with some other guy that already has your number, to ask him aren't you friends with so-and-so. I'll call him the next time I'll show up and ask him to give you a ring, because I'm not so comfortable about giving people my number that I don't know so well yet.

    So there it comes handy to have lots of information about others.
  20. Twilight_Elena

    Twilight_Elena Well-Known Member

    I don't give my phone number unless I am in really good, friendly terms with said person and he's in my group of friends. A girl has to look after herself.

    Twilight Elena

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