General Dance Discussion > The Innocent Crush, another perspective

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by PretzelsAndBeer, Sep 30, 2008.

  1. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    well...i think ultimately the dancer can/should evolve to the point of experiencing that connection with *himself or herself* learn how to dance freely and blissfully "for oneself" on a level, which means then that you can be present to *anyone*, if that makes sense.

    it's no doubt common to identify the emotional connection one feels with one's instructor (or other partner), but truly, what lies beyond that IMO is just generally being completely present both physically & emotionally, no matter who is around. any emotional attachment to a pro or a partner is sort of besides the point...tho it certainly doesn't seem that way when it occurs.

    i look at great dancers -- my own pro, for example -- and see that they can be fully connected, fully present emotionally, but it's not necessarily to the person they're dancing with. they're just fully present in general, with all their sensing faculties *on*. they are just so alive, and that aliveness can be very igniting and transformational to be around. prostitution. rather, a lovely example of what it's like to be fully present both physically & emotionally. IMV. :)
  2. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    hmm, good point. yes...i had one like that. never took me longer to get over a relationship than that one.
  3. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    ...with a dance partner or instructor...heh. tortuous indeed.
  4. Throwaway Overshare

    Throwaway Overshare New Member

    Claiming a kiss, entitled or forbidden, is not the same thing as building a relationship.

    One is a moment of magic and emotion, the other is about ongoing decisions.
  5. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    with anyone you see a great deal
  6. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    yep. thank goodness...been ages. good riddance.
  7. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    cannot say it often enough...would rather stick my hand in a food processor and I am serious as a heart attack
  8. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    From your mouth to god's ears. To dance mindfully: to have original participation in that magnificent place where you're fully present physically and emotionally, and at the same time, to be utterly without attachment, yet connected: now, *that's* a goal. Someday, I'll have this. Someday.

    I used to worry that the elation I felt when dancing was connected to my teacher. And then I started to dance with others, and bam, the same thing happened. So, deo gratias, it's not about him. When dancing, Something Happens. Can I explain it? No. Do I want to? **** NO.
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    good dancing definately evokes something deep in me and it is nice to now know that that really isn't contingent upon any one person
  10. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    Lovely, j_alex. Liberating.
  11. Thank you, although anyone can be a poet when sufficiently inspired. Frankly, I'd rather be handsome.

    Update? Well, Dear Teacher hasn't changed. She's as sweet as ever, maybe more. But my feelings have changed a little - stabilized, shall we say. Though I am a romantic at times, I'm also a pragmatist. There will never be any relationship between us other than what we have now.

    Still, as an earlier poster pointed out, it's a blessing for me to have someone like her in my life even in this limited context. She dances and teaches with a boatload of passion and joy, intelligence, charm, and endless patience. I like to think some of her personality rubs off on me when I leave the studio, like a few sparkles from her blouse that I found on my sleeve after a recent lesson.

    At some far future date, when she has her own studio with a row of Ohio and Blackpool trophies* on the wall, I'll stop in at her studio. "Hi, remember me?" She'll give me a hug that makes my sternum snap, we'll have a cup of coffee and maybe lunch, and talk about the old days. Everything that I do between now and then will be colored by her influence on me, brief as it is. That's the definition of a muse.

    And by the way, my thanks to the whole DF community for indulging my feverish flights of fancy.

    * I don't know if they give trophies, but let it pass.
  12. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    Interesting. I love your insight but wonder if this could be furthering the illusion that is the dance world. That these 'representatives' are somehow whole or have figured it out allowing us to place them on a pedestal and gravitate towards them (like hearing a song that you feel is written for you, falsely gives you the feeling you know or could connect with the artist etc).

    The reality is that dance teachers are just humans. Talented but we all are in our own way.

    Its just very interesting to me how many people go to someone for technique versus the feeling they receive by being around the person.

    I guess whatever works for the person :)
  13. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member


    Oh boy, you truly are smitten. Well hopefully you transform the energy into positive fuel for your journey.

    Best of luck
  14. I've been thinking about this for a couple of days and I can't improve upon it. Well said.
  15. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    i don't think it's deifying them...but they are accomplished in a way that the student desires to be accomplished, and it is more than technique. the energy of "who one is" (or isn't...) comes through in dancing, there's no way to hide that.

    there are many ways in life that we can serve as examples for each other, but with partner dancing there's that additional element of relationship that is part of the mix...and can easly complicate & confuse someone to think that it's about the relationship when it's really about what the student is becoming from within.

    just my take on it...
  16. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    why thank you, P&B.
  17. LovingIt28

    LovingIt28 New Member

    I love this discussion - thanks :)

    I wish that were true and for some it is. The majority I see though project and see themselves as or with their dance 'pro'. It becomes a drug hit. Great when you are with them. You look forward to it but you become dependent and lose the ability or willingness to sing your own song.

    I believe it can be a crucial step in the journey but a massive step is letting go of who they are, who you want to be and just dancing as you. Unless you achieve this level (which has nothing to do with skill/ability), I do not believe the person will keep dancing as that point is needed to be able to BE dance and not just do dance.
  18. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    dunno...I think lots of folks pass through that phase and arrive stronger on the other side of it...far better able to do precisely that
  19. samina

    samina Well-Known Member

    i agree, some pass thru. some don't... meh... life, relationships, dancing... all easy, challenging, fun, and hard at different times, heh. no way to generalize about everyone's experiences and why they are drawn to a particular partner or pro, or anyone else for that matter. complex bizness. wonderful if you find something easy...
  20. Hello folks.

    A long time ago I posted about having a crush on my instructor. I went on and on, mushy and heartfelt, all kinds of flights of poetic fancy. And I continued the story in several later threads. So here's the last chapter of that story.

    First, a digression. There have been numerous threads in here about the Crush on the Instructor. Most of them talk about emotional turmoil and confusion, feelings of jealousy, the sting of rejection, etc. I didn't go through any of that. For me the feeling was energizing. Partly because I never expected reciprocation so there was no possibility of disappointment. Also, I never got any negative feelings when my crushee danced or talked with other guys. In fact, the great way she interacts with people is a big part of what I like about her. Maybe I didn't have a crush at all. Maybe it was just, admiration maybe? I don't know. Anyway, everything I said about her I still believe is true. I just learned to marshall my own feelings. We have maintained a nice friendship.

    But that story is over now. She is moving to a different, distant city. Tonight we danced and hugged probably for the last time. She thanked me warmly for dancing with her in her last showcase at this studio. Many of her students past and present showed up to see her off and I think it meant a lot to her. She is well loved and respected by everyone, more than she knows. And I may never see her again. I may never dance again, haven't decided on that yet.

    Yes I'm sad but it's okay. I have my life, she has hers and she's moving on with it. She'll succeed anywhere and I wished her the best.

    So, the whole point of this post is, maybe I have a touch of OCD but when I start a story I like it to reach a conclusion. I like a song to end on a major chord. Here it is then, this post is the major chord, the end of the song. If you've read this far, thanks for reading. If not, that's okay too. Time for a new story.
    Terpsichorean Clod likes this.

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