Tango Argentino > The top 5 reasons a woman wants to dance with a specific man

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Zoopsia59, Jul 30, 2010.

  1. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    Me too! I love bacon!
     
  2. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    OT: I once went to a group class after spending the day making pot roast. Apparently, I was heavily scented with pot roast. I was *very* popular.

    It was funny, actually. I've never been sniffed that much, that obviously. So, in order to get dances, I should dab a bit of pot roast behind each ear instead of perfume? ewwww
     
  3. Madahlia

    Madahlia Member

    Heh heh. Me too. Gives me a kind of whorish feeling without any of the mess, effort and inconvenience!

    There are some who wouldn't complain, no doubt. I prefer the smell of "men's" colognes anyway, for my own use.

    Weird. I really, really do not want my partners to smell of any foodstuff, especially those involving grease and high temperatures or the allium family. I will do anything to avoid contact with cooking smells after I've showered and dressed to go out, myself.

    BTW, while we're on the subject, that's not a kitten on a lean, mean grilling machine, is it?
     
  4. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    lol No, it's a kitten on a computer keyboard. Reminds me why I can't get much work done, some days.

    FWIW, I almost always shower etc before dancing; the pot roast day was a fluke, I was pressed for time. Was quite surprised at the response.
     
  5. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Hey, whatever works!
     
  6. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    Well, maybe you could get some kind of fruit scented cologne. It doesn't have to be pot roast.

    [​IMG]
     
  7. Madahlia

    Madahlia Member

    OK, I'll make an exception for fruit. But not bananas. Or durian.
     
  8. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    If you're an intermediate follower, then you'll be a beginner's highlght in his evening of tandas with followers of his own level. You're less likely to be a pro's highlight.
     
  9. Zoopsia59

    Zoopsia59 Well-Known Member

    You completely missed the point. I didn't say she IS the highlight of his evening. I said he makes her feel that she was the highlight of his evening.

    Even a pro can make a beginner feel like a million bucks, and I don't just mean because he condescends to dance with her. :rolleyes:

    It's all about attitude and how you treat the other person, not about dancing ability. Leaders who go into a tanda with the attitude of "is this person going to please me? Am I going to have a good time dancing with her? Am I going to be satisfied?" don't make their partner feel all that great.

    Someone who goes into every tanda, no matter the skill level of the partner or lack thereof, with the attitude "I want this other person to enjoy this dance and feel great about herself, her dancing and the whole world afterwards..." usually ends up with a partner who feels just that. (even if the dancing isn't perfect)

    I have had people at all levels make me feel great and people at all levels who left me feeling crappy. Whether or not they are above, at, or below my level had very little to do with it. There's a leader here who makes every woman he dances with feel like he has been waiting all night for a chance to dance with her. Even though we all know deep down inside that he makes every other woman feel this way too, he's still one of the most sought after leaders in the area, and its almost impossible not to be relaxed dancing with someone who is that generous.

    IMO, there are too many people in the tango community who have a "What's in it for ME?" attitude in both selecting partners and in dancing with the ones they have selected.
     
  10. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    Actually I wanted to add "of course a pro can fake that you are a highlight for him even if he's having a boring dance but then it would mean that the leaders whom you prefer are the ones who are the best liars" but then I thought that it was simpler to let you say it.
     
  11. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    I think you've missed the point, or a lot of it anyhow.

    Zoo isn't talking about the guys faking it, I don't think. (Zoo, please forgive me if I'm putting words in your mouth.) It's more a matter of "being there in the moment" with your partner, and respecting and responding to that partner.

    A great leader can make a beginner follower either feel like crap or feel great. He can try to force her through things that she is unable to follow, and get frustrated, and keep on leading stuff which is too difficult. Or, he can lead simple things, which will boost her confidence and give her a great dance and, possibly, give him a good dance too. A leader who smiles, laughs off, and plays with mistakes by a beginning follower will make her feel great despite the mistakes. If he holds it against her...not so much.
     
  12. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Yes...it's why I hesitate to dance with advanced/pro people in any dance style...I am never sure if they genuinely enjoy some part of dancing with a person way below their level, or they are doing it just to be polite, to network, or fulfill some kind of obligation to help encourage beginners.
     
  13. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    I hear ya on that one. Generally speaking, though, I don't put much thought into his motivation, but concentrate instead on his actions. He could be wanting to network or to find potential students. I don't care...we all have our less-than-altruistic motivations for things. But so long as he is polite (which entails keeping his motivation to himself--I don't wanna hear "I'm just dancing with you to get known in this community."), and dances with me...I'm fine with it.

    But those same feelings are why I'll never ask someone better to dance with me.
     
  14. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    quite so ; you wouldnt dance with someone based on the size of his tango cd collection.

    better to know a 100 tracks well enought to dance musically to than 20,000 and be boring.

    One girl's attractive cologne is another's insect repellant.... ( and on one occasion the woman I was dancing with was complimneted for the cologne i was wearing.....by another woman...)
     
  15. ant

    ant Member

    I have found, that part of the ethos of dancing is to think more about the person I am dancing with rather than thinking about myself. As a result, I have found that some of the cynicism that I held before coming into the dance world goes away.
     
  16. bordertangoman

    bordertangoman Well-Known Member

    and this isnt good enough for you?I think you are suffering from inverted snobbery

    i would hesitate to dance with someone I thought had so many qualms about dancing with me but my dance experience is what it is and i teach as well;


    "F*ck it";by John Parkin; you need to read this book and then you might understand that its all ego.

    If I do something that I think might be of benefit to another even though I gain nothing, is this a selfless act? no; it might be motivated by; my sense of values (chivalry), or by the sense of pleasure or happiness that person might experience or any of a number of other reasons. Its a social dance, so I accept that there are all sorts of compromises that I might make to dance, for instance, because good dancers are few and far between.

    And I would ask someone better than me to dance....for instance visiting teachers often get ignored by people who dont have the decency to ask them to dance and some of the time i dont know how good a dancer is until after I've danced with them.
     
  17. Chris Stratton

    Chris Stratton New Member

    My feeling when interacting from the more experienced role is that compatability of interest and drive in dancing is more important than comparability of skill level. A new beginner with a real determinatiin to improve can be a lot more rewarding to dance with than someone who is more capable, but content to be stuck where they are. Of course its not the same as someone with experience who is still pursuing improvement - but that's not important. What is important is that someone has decided to be a dancer in a compatible meaning of the word.

    There's a category of dancer that I think of as "temporarily inexperienced collegue"
     
  18. Madahlia

    Madahlia Member

    That's one way of looking at it. Another is to admire the kindness and generosity of someone who can create a lovely dance for someone else even though it is nothing special for them. Prioritising someone else's needs over their own, in fact. Nothing to do with "lying".

    Nobody would expect anyone to do that all of the time but there's no harm in doing it some of the time.
     
  19. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Ah. Bingo. Just what i was trying to say, but said much better than I did.
     
  20. Peaches

    Peaches Well-Known Member

    Given that I (think I) understand what Jenny was saying, I think it has more to do with personal insecurity than a sense of snobbery, inverted or otherwise. The feeling of being someone's "charity dance" for the evening is not a pleasant one.
     

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