Salsa > To dance or not to dance? What to do, there is no chemistry

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by borikensalsero, Aug 28, 2003.

  1. borikensalsero

    borikensalsero Moderator

    I have danced with a number of absolutely great partners, yet a lot of times I've felt that I'm dancing alone. No eye contact, no flavor to their dancing, and so on... Yet, they look incredible while dancing but it doesn't feel good to me as their partner. I have for sometime began to be very selective as to whom I ask to dance. I don't mean in skill level but in passion level. My style is very passionate, so when I dance I look for someone who displays passion and will feed off of me and dance passionate as well. Don't get me wrong if they ask me for another dance I will dance, however, when it comes to me asking them, I'll do everything in my control to avoid another dance with a particular person... Does everyone out-there feel the same or is it just me being a snot?
  2. salsarhythms

    salsarhythms New Member

    I can definately agree with that...

    I'm not sure if you've read my posts "7 Tips To Salsa Dancing"
    you can find them here in the salsa forum, just scroll down a bit.

    In one of the parts I talk about eye contact, and chemistry.

    I think that the best thing to do is talk about it. If this is someone
    that you will want to keep dancing with, just talk about it.

    A lot of times we're afraid of saying things because of the reaction
    that we may get...but without open and honest communication
    you will never get anything accomplished.

    Again, pick your battles...if this is someone you would like to
    continue dancing with I'd bring it up...
  3. youngsta

    youngsta Active Member

    Oh do I agree! I will not turn a woman down even if I don't feel the chemistry when we're dancing, BUT I will not actively seek her out when I'm looking for a partner either. I'll always look for a woman I have a great connection with OR a new partner. I try to dance with at least two new women every night I go out.
  4. SDsalsaguy

    SDsalsaguy Administrator Staff Member

    I think that's perfectly reasonable! You're also there to have fun and enjoy yourself too, right? So why should you be obligated to seek out situations that you already know are not the most enjoyable to/for you? Now if you'd said that you just blew off such women who asked you to dance, well don't even get me started on that one...but, as it is, I agree too.
  5. MissAlyssa

    MissAlyssa New Member

    you're right on point as I see it.
  6. Redheadedmermaid

    Redheadedmermaid New Member

    Have to put my 2 cents worth in here. Even though I'm fairly new to salsa, from a gals point of view I find if I maintain eye contact or at least look at the guys face even if he's not maintaining eye contact, I follow better as I am totally "with" the guy. You pick up all sorts of body language and I think it makes following easier somehow because of this. Its like a good conversation really (I'm keeping it clean). Then there's the ones you have the chemistry with....
  7. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hmm. I wonder how I missed this thread before? :?

    I will have to try the suggestion about just talking to the guys about it directly. Here's what I do now, for everything except smooth ballroom dancing (where dance posture makes it hard to maintain eye contact.) I give the lead my biggest smile, and then tell him, "look into my eyes." And if he stops again, I tell him again. No offense to him, depending on the tone I use, but usually he'll smile back and get the message that I want to dance with HIM, not with a body. But if he doesn't get the message, I take that as a styling challenge, and start acting like I'm in love -- complete with batting eyelashes, blowing kisses, and all the flirtation I can muster. Not for him, but to develop my own styling as a dancer. Most guys respond to it. :lol: And even if they don't, I get some good practice in. :lol:
  8. will35

    will35 New Member

    I think what I don't understand about this topic is how somebody could be a great dancer, and have their partner feel completely alone. To my way of thinking, that person is not dancing at all. Good or bad does not even enter into the question. To try to answer Borikensalsero's question, I'd say that if he walked off the floor at any moment, he would not really be quitting dancing with his partner, because they were never dancing together anyway. No chemistry, no dance.
  9. youngsta

    youngsta Active Member

    I've seen plenty of people that are technically sound dancers, but don't have any heart and soul invested in it.
  10. will35

    will35 New Member

    Well, what I wrote was a little extreme. I was just being facetious. But it is a partner dance, and if you're not being a partner, you're technically not dancing at all.
  11. youngsta

    youngsta Active Member

    No argument here :)
  12. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I had an interesting experience last week at salsa class. When I got there, there was a gentleman sitting down, waiting for class to start. A lump. A total lump. He hardly even responded when I introduced myself and tried to strike up conversation. The first time he and I were partnered during class, the "lump" treatment continued, until I coaxed him out of it as I described above. And guess what? That guy could dance! He smiled, made eye contact, joked a little, and boy his lead felt SO GOOD. This probably doesn't apply with the experienced, good dancers that boriken first described, but a lot of newbies are either afraid to or don't know how to make that personal connection. It makes life a lot easier for them if you meet them more than halfway.
  13. will35

    will35 New Member

    You're right Pygmalion, but from what I have read of what Borikensalsero writes on this forum, I find it hard to believe that he would not meet them more than halfaway. I took it for granted that the partners to whom he referred were not lumpy, just selfish or indifferent.
    It is good to give a new partner the benefit of doubt.
  14. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    You're right, too, will. I thought it was pretty clear boriken was talking about those experienced, "too busy dancing for myself to dance with my partner" people we all know too many of. But you know how I love newbies! I couldn't resist putting in a good word for them. :D
  15. peachexploration

    peachexploration New Member

    Hey, got a secret. I think I know who you're speaking of. Unfortunately, that's just his personality. He'll be that way again tomorrow. I have to warm him up also every week. It takes him a while to get into the spirit of Salsa each class. Not sure why. And yes, he is a very good dancer. Maybe together, we'll break him in. :D :lol: :wink:
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I hope we can, peachexploration! He seems like such a nice man, once he warms up. I'm skipping class this week because of a ballroom competition, but I'll see you on the ninth. :D Keep him warm this week! :lol: :D
  17. redhead

    redhead New Member

    Do you think experienced dancers can break this habit? There's this really good dancer with wonderful and comfortable lead, and it feels great dancing with him, except for that 99% of the time I feel like he could be dancing with a wall instead. I talked to him about it, but nothing changed. The funny part is, he has a crush on me, so you'd think he would be more emotional :lol: !
  18. borikensalsero

    borikensalsero Moderator

    The gold old song, I'm too sexy, I'm too sexy for my body, I'm too sexy yeah... hehe... Yeap, there is such a thing as excellent dancers who to their partner feel as if they are dancing alone. To the dancers there is no dance, but to the onlookers there is a dance, a bad one but there is one.

    I've come to accept that the Ego plays a wonderfull roll in the world of dancing. The males who believe they are there to toss the lady around and see how many pretzels he can make with her. There is very little regard to how she feels or whether she can do a particular move.

    Talking to them helps to pin point the actions, but the problem comes when they have to find the cause. Yes, They now realize the problem but now the cause is what they have to fix. It ins't an over-night success helping potential characteristic flaws. It takes time for a strong Ego to yield, afterall their entire dancing life they've been one way, how can they now switch that characteristic off?

    Give him time, keep stressing how it feels to you (be subtle) and make him face his ego. Don't put the blame on him, it sounds like he is very sensitive, talk about how you feel. In turn it will make him watch out a bit more on how he tends to you on the floor. little by little and unkown to him he is letting his ego now that it is OK that come down.

    Give him a story of how much you would love for a guy to gluide you through the floor, as if you were laying back and he was stroking your hair. Get the sensual out of him in other words. I'm assuming the crush is mutual here :shock: Even if it isn't you can help him become a better dancer. Help him out by hinting what you like. It takes the pressure of his dancing flaws and he will most likely think to himself, she can't keep up, so Imma have to slow down...
  19. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    Borikeksalsero you took the words right out my mouth....really couldn't put it any better!
    I am glad you boys also think that how it FEELS to dance with a partner is more important than how well she can DANCE...... sometimes I am made to feel inferior if the 'pretzels' don't turn out as they expected :? Needless to say I do my best to avoid dancing with these pretzel-makers! :roll:
  20. jon

    jon Member

    I think it's worth considering simpler explanations before going to all this psychoanalysis and projection and assumption-making.

    For example, some people are low affect by nature and thus don't, for example, smile a lot. Doesn't mean they aren't enjoying themselves. Contrarywise some people smile constantly (and gratingly) no matter they aren't actually having a great time.

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