Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by jfm, May 31, 2007.
My view is that sharing experience and interests is more likely to cement a relationship than boring your partner to death about a topic even if they express willingness to listen!
I don't believe in soulmates. Relationships are about selfless effort, tolerance and compromise. None of which I shine at. Given those, one could build a successful relationship with just about anyone.
Anyway, your definition of soulmateship is not the issue. Time allocation is the issue. If I am at tango I am not with him. If I am with him I am not at tango. He would like me to spend more time with him. I would like to spend more time at tango. The maths just doesn't add up!
1.Relentlessly introduce him to tango on a socialising level.
2.Relentlessly ring-fence tangotime with an meticulously kept diary, working weeks, months, years in advance. Not my strong point either!
Exactly - someone, somewhere, has to make compromises.
Hmm...never a nicer a quality than having someone ask "how was your day?" We don't always have to be peas in pods (what would we talk about it?)
I respect your honesty. But of course then begs a whole barrel of questions...which I won't ask lest I run the risk of boring you to tears
Heee, I'll have to introduce you two sometime
Erm..nah. None of my friends tango and you know what? I quite like it that way. Weird but true..
Enemy, Mine on the tango floor?
No just weird
There is a saying goes that it takes two to tango. Hehehe. I am glad that there are relationships budding between tango partners.
I'm curious now - does anyone know when and where that phrase was invented?
Probably from the 1952 Pearl Bailey song:
unless it's still older than that
There's always loads to talk about, most productively when it's about common interests and experiences. I don't recall having denigrated the "How was your day" approach but it still doesn't really address the dancer / non-dancer issue.
Question: that one works as a regularly on call firefighter or doctor whilst their partner having a 9 to 5 job - an issue? I mean, 3hrs, 2-3 times a week out of anybody's life is seriously not that much and should not be an issue for either partner (dancer as well as non-dancer). Unless of course it is made an issue to mask other issues that is going on - outside of tango.
People are always compromising and negotiating to get what they want or can out of life. Most people don't find it an easy or smooth process - do they? Or they wouldn't need to negotiate or compromise. Most of my friends who expect to have full, busy lives do a lot of juggling to fit in everything they want, including partners, and maybe don't manage it as well as they would like.
For some people, 6 -9 hours would amount to a lot of time. Where I live, tango mainly happens at weekends, just when people might expect their partner to be free to spend time with them, so I have to choose. If I could get my fix on a week night, where it would impinge less on the relationship I would, but I can't.
Am I to understand that you work in the counselling profession? Then you will know that an issue-free relationship is a rare thing.
The important thing to remember though is that an 'emotional connection' doesn't automatically mean a good 'dance connection' will ensue and vice versa!
Girl..we ain't so different in our views although I would subsitute "compromise" for "sacrifice". Although the two meanings are quite often misunderstood. I personally don't think a relationship should be "worked" at. (I have a day job where I do that). But yep, some do have to juggle etc. etc. (compromise) and others just give up (sacrifice). There should always be a healthy balance between the different interests of two people and then putting aside time where "quality time" is set for both to do something that is shared (and not just playing on the carpet with the kids).
I had an issue-free relationship once...and then his death separated us. Made a promise to myself some years back - no more relationships - as I kept comparing those after him (which was unforgivably unfair...one ex even shouted, "I cannot compete with this, this dead guy of yours". He was right. Ha, ha, ha.
A counseller? Nah. Just remembering what I once had...which turned me into a people watcher
Absolutely - it's one of the mysteries of dance how a connection during the dance can seem so powerful at the time, yet so completely without basis in any other context.
So I talked to my tango ex last night, and an interesting thing she told me was that she wished I had shown a little more jealousy... as in I seemed cold and unmoved when she danced multiple tandas with better dancers, as well as in other non-tango contexts. In reality, I am human, so I do get jealous, but it always seemed to me that jealousy is a sign of insecurity. As such I made a conscious effort to hide jealousy. I don't think this would have changed things much, but this aspect intrigues me about female psychology. I guess every person has different perspectives and preferences, but what do women here think?
Hearing this makes me feel utterly relieved I don't have a tango bf as I don't have to bother going through the whole jealousy thing which I know would arise in dance context!
I suppose it would support her feelings of security if you had shown more jealousy but it would also encourage game-playing rather than direct communication of feelings. Taken to extremes, having a jealous partner would be a pain in the neck at a dance event.
Haha, I bet if you had shown more jealousy that she would have complained that you were too jealous.
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