Salsa > Turnoffs at the start of a dance

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by dickda, Aug 13, 2005.

  1. dickda

    dickda New Member

    As a leader, I sometimes get a follower who explains to me that I am "supposed" to hold her right hand in a particular way. I know that there are many ways to one can hold her right hand. I usually reply "Whatever you want". It is a real turnoff for me when my partner tries to explain to me that I must hold her in a certain manner at the start of a dance. Thereafter, she must work extra hard to convince me that she is not a total control freak (she invariably is...).

  2. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    You can hold my hand any way you want to. I try to work with whatever the lead is doing, as he(or she, sometimes!) is the leader!
  3. africana

    africana New Member

    :lol: :lol:
    I never tell leads how to hold me, but I do tell them how NOT to hold me ;)
  4. chandra

    chandra New Member

    Start off estremely complicated before you know what I can handle. If I dance with you all the time, and you know I can follow it, then cool. But for me, there is nothing worst than getting off at the begining of the dance then, and never finding my groove again the whole time.

    I mean, Im greatly complimented you think I can follow what your doing, but id rather you started simple at the begining of the dance, then built up to what Im capable of. IMO.

  5. lynn

    lynn New Member

    i've never told a leader what to do or what not to do - unless in the extreme cases they're holding my hand in a way that might cause serious injury, but that's a different story...
  6. africana

    africana New Member

    I agree!! 8) I like to ease into the harder moves myself

    @lynn if the guy is holding me inapproriately or in a way that's uncomfortable to me I'm sure he'd rather I told him not to hold me that way instead me of walking off ;)
  7. I have had that same experience. I once danced with a local instructor (I did not know she was a instructor when I asked her to dance) who corrected my not-at-all-incorrect hand-hold, the same type of hold which I believe is most commonly used in my area. I think it may actually be a hold which has emerged more from street dancers, which is fine, but I'm not convinced there's anything superior about it. The rationale given does not make sense to me. (Basically it's a hold that resembles how you would hold your partner's hand right before leading a turn. If response time is okay and no one is using a death grip, so that the hands can freely rotate, there isn't really need for such a thing.)
  8. lynn

    lynn New Member

    There was once a guy who twisted my hand backward to the point where my wrist was about to break. After telling him a few times to no avail, i started bending his arm backwards - gave him a taste of his own medicine :twisted: ....o.k., fine, i was really mean, but he was a total beginner and was too nervous, that was the only way i could think of helping myself.....ARM WRESTLING!!
  9. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    How about guys who have NEVER danced salsa, but are dying to get out there on the dance floor and then start SPINNING THEMSELVES?
  10. HF

    HF New Member

    I was thinking that the only two of this species were in our local scene but appearently they can be found elsewhere too ... :wink:
  11. lynn

    lynn New Member

    :shock: have yet to see that happen....must be quite a sight!!
  12. Ismile2you

    Ismile2you New Member

    When a guy askes me to dance.. And then, when there is no way back on the dance floor he wispers in my ear: I can not dance... ?

    As a man(leader), that's fine.. When I lead, there is no problem. I just fill in the gaps an make the girl move turn and of course smile..

    But with a man, who graps you to tight, turns you on the wrong moment, and holds your hand so it hurt.. pffff. That's hard and often painfull.

    Off course there are woman with the same experience... What did you do/say?
  13. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    This is when he's dancing with YOU! :evil:
    I try to give everyone a chance and am more than happy to dance with beginners(I sponsor parties so it kinda goes with the territory) and this has happened on many occasions! The guy doesn't know how to lead so I spin myself, then he does the same thing! :shock:
  14. lynn

    lynn New Member

    i'm a total salsa beginner so i'm guys ever spin??? is that a proper "move"???
  15. brujo

    brujo New Member

    5 minutes later
    30 minutes later
    2 hours later

    Yes. Guys spin. But apparently only after they get this video...

    I saw Al Espinoza at the Toronto Congress.

    His advice for guys:
    - learn to do double and triple spins,
    - learn to do controlled spins,
    - learn to spin with different styling

    This way, when you are dancing with a beginner or someone who doesn't dance, you can still make her look really good by doing simple turns or palm changes on the 5, 6, 7 and then doing the turning yourself on the 1,2,3. ( on1 ).

    If you learn salsa assuming the girl will be able to do double and triple turns, and she can't, you'll end up standing there looking like an idiot and she will never dance with you.

    Even if she does know how to do doubles and triples, it'll probably not be fun dancing with you because you will just want to try to spin her nice, fast, and continously, which messes up her hair, makeup and dress.

    Best advice ever. It's a dance, not a stupid human tricks show.
  16. cocodrilo

    cocodrilo New Member

    Good advice, twice! :wink:
    A lot of the guys I dance with are intermediate or don't dance studio salsa at all(just S American moves) and they all like to throw in a spin here or there- when we are diong shines. Always looks really cool when a guy know how to spin!
  17. Ms_Sunlight

    Ms_Sunlight New Member

    In the classes I go to, everyone learns to spin. And we get taught usable moves that involve the men doing single spins. This is in addition to walking turns, half turns etc. I went to a workshop on spins and turns, teaching the basics of good spinning technique, and there were almost as many blokes there as ladies.
  18. Pacion

    Pacion New Member

    Question: After dancing with her, in your opinion, would you say she is an advanced, intermediate or beginner dancer? (Other than a control freak? :wink: )

    As a follow, and someone who has danced various styles of salsa as well as other dances, I am very aware of there being different holds and therefore, am "pretty flexible", in how the guy holds my hands, to a point! If he wants to hold my hand so that our fingers are through the spaces of each others fingers (if that makes sense...) and it is a fast song, yes, I do say something - on the basis that he may want to do "fast moves" and take my hand, arm and sometimes shoulder (!!) with him! Does not make me a control freak? Not necessarily. I prefer to call it self preservation. :wink: But it is usually "beginners" who adopt that sort of hold. Because the music is generally loud, I "lead" by example rather than say anything :twisted:

    Some guys, irrespective of their ability, hold my hands quite tightly, squeezing my fingers. a) this is unpleasant b) particularly painful if I have rings on! When that happens, you bet I say something. :twisted: If I am worried about my fingers being squashed, I can't focus on the dance/music/lead, the dance is a mess and he will be pissed thinking that I didn't want to dance with him for other reasons, and I will be pissed because my fingers will be hurting, and the dance would have been unpleasant. Better to have one person "turned off" rather than two. :wink:

    Therefore, instead of being "turned off", just treat the lady's request as a means of testing your adaptability. Besides, if you were "making out" with your SO, and she asked you to do something differently, would you see it as a "turnoff" or that she was a "control freak"? :wink:
  19. Sagitta

    Sagitta Well-Known Member

    When one dances one wants to have a good experience, that is for sure. However, just asking to switch hand holds because you are not used to it is not something I would do. If it hurts, yes, otherwise? no!
  20. In my particular case, what bothered me the most was the implication that my handhold was incorrect (when it is the general type that most people teach and that 99.9999999999999999% of my partners seem to have no problem with). If someone said, "I'm not used to that, can you do it this way," I'd be more willing to try to accomodate them.

    So the real point is: I don't like being told I'm "doing it wrong" at the beginning of the dance, just because I am doing something different than my partner is used to.

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