General Dance Discussion > Uncomfortable with my wife ballroom dancing with other men

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by NewMantoDancing, Aug 8, 2013.

  1. Malena

    Malena New Member

    Thanks for clarifying!
  2. anntennis

    anntennis Active Member

    “Being home by 11” rule:

    By the way it is still a lot of time to do not only dancing by the willing parties …

    And if husband is a killing maniac, the shooting will happened with all the rules in the world and written agreement attached..:wacky:
  3. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Warren J. Dew likes this.
  4. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    We broke up earlier this year. It had nothing to do with trust issues.
  5. stash

    stash Well-Known Member

    I must be a lucky one as well, (though I am not married) my serious bf of 3 years usually pushes me to dance with other men at social dances. Because, lets be real here for a second, we dance with each other a lot. We dance x number of hours at practice, plus all the cute romanticy song that come on when we are near each other (because we are just that sappy), and we mess around with dance when we are just waiting for our dinner to heat up sometimes. So yes, sometimes we gotta be like, I wanna dance with x friend because we haven't danced in a while, you go dance with y friend.

    But it brings me to the point of, if I were ever to find myself single again, I wouldn't say that I exlude all non-dancers. But that if I did find a non-dancer that I did like (gasp) he would have to understand how much dance is a part of my life, and he would have to live with it because I am not giving it up. He would have to be as equally as passionate about something else as I am with dance. And if raises concerns about me dancing with other males, I would help him work through it IF he was willing to work through it as well and realize there is nothing happening but the shared love of dance...
    Dancing Irishman and Ailuene like this.
  6. dbk

    dbk Well-Known Member

    I'm a little nauseous from that post, not gonna lie. On the bright side, I'll never get an invite! :dancingbanana:
    Hedwaite likes this.
  7. DanceMentor

    DanceMentor Administrator

    I think a lot of it has to do with the maturity and sense of security in the relationship. Ideally, you want your partner to do those things that make them happy and you know it will have its benefits in the relationship too. I was at a social last nite and this man was encouraging his wife to dance with me and they seemed very comfortable with the situation.
  8. tancos

    tancos Active Member

    I co-teach a folk dance class that does a variety of partner and non-partner dances. We have one woman who promised her husband, a non-dancer, that she would not dance with other men. She does line, circle, solo and set dances, but always sits out the couple dances. The problem is that some of the other women feel sorry for her and are pushing us to do fewer couple dances. The fact that one non-dancing spouse that isn't even there can affect the repertoire of the whole class is driving me nuts.
  9. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I would be really annoyed if one person's marital issues was driving what all the rest of the class was doing.
    cornutt likes this.
  10. Malena

    Malena New Member

    Not wishing to open a can of worms here, but…

    Has anyone ever come across a situation where a man has refused to partner dance at the request of his non-dancing wife?

    And I agree that's messed up about an absent, non-participating party affecting a class.
  11. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

    Wondering how you would know of this -- why would he show up at a studio if he's not going to partner dance. Unless your studio does (gag) line dances.
  12. Dancing Irishman

    Dancing Irishman Well-Known Member

    I was envisioning a guy who's a seriousish dancer who gives up dance because a new gf or wife gets jealous and doesn't want him dancing with other ladies (I suppose a new male partner could also maybe have the same jealousy issue, though that's a much more complicated can of worms).

    FWIW, I do think there's a lot of value I meeting a dance partner's non-dancing SO (especially if you might be traveling with said partner to competitions, so that you're not "that other guy/gal") But my personal view is that you should let your partner facilitate that meeting so that they're involved in it as an equal adult party.

    OT, I actually like the occasional line dance a lot when it's a fun song. It lets me focus totally on being cheesy/goofy without worrying about that pesky lead/follow thing at all!
  13. tancos

    tancos Active Member

    It's not a studio, it's our local recreation center. We do mostly (no gag) line dances from Greece, Bulgaria, Romania, Macedonia, and the former Yugoslavia, plus a few Scandinavian, Polish, and Hungarian couple dances and some Scottish set dances. It's a small group that has been together for some time so we know about everyone's circumstances. The woman in question has been with us for a long time and never did couple dances. Her husband has never been there, but occasionally comes to other gatherings of the group so we've all met him. Only recently have some of the other women started pushing back on how many couple dances we do. I don't know what triggered this change.
  14. tancos

    tancos Active Member

    Let me add a little more perspective. The husband is a friendly older gentleman who was probably brought up in a time and place where dancing with other peoples mates was considered inappropriate. I don't know if he asked his wife not to dance with other men, or she offered not to dance with other men to make him feel more comfortable with her going out dancing. She never makes a big deal about not doing couple dances and never complains about it. The other women pushing back on doing couple dances are just trying to be nice. I can't just point at one person and say he/she is an ###hole. Nevertheless, the results are the same -- we're teaching and doing fewer couple dances. Even that shift is fairly subtle. When the group discusses what to teach next (democracy in action) the sympathetic women simply vote for line dances over couple dances.
  15. dbk

    dbk Well-Known Member

    I wonder if you could set a separate time for partner dances, so 1) she can show up early/late or take a breather, and 2) the partner dances don't disappear altogether. For example, if you have an hour where you do a mix of various dances, reserve 20 minutes at the beginning for partner dancing, and she can show up late or work on stretching. Or if you only teach one/two types of dance per class, group partner dances together, so she can skip that lesson. Or just run a separate partner dancing class (who knows, maybe the other students want fewer partner dances as well, although that makes me sadface).

    Or maybe draft her as a sort of teacher's aide, so she can watch and (playfully) "snitch" on people who aren't doing a step correctly.
  16. tancos

    tancos Active Member

    Thanks for the thoughtful suggestions, but unfortunately we only have a two hour time slot in one small room (45 minutes teaching, 1 hour 15 minutes open dancing) so we are pretty tightly constrained.

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