General Dance Discussion > Uncomfortable with my wife ballroom dancing with other men

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by NewMantoDancing, Aug 8, 2013.

  1. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    or (if not taping it) describe something that happened which would constitute being way out of line.....and here's the thing...it would be difficult to tape something like that because no professional in their right mind would be filmed doing it....and so, think about it...what would that behavior be anyhow? because if it were really unambiguous, it would not likely be happening in front of that woman's husband...and if it were really unambiguous AND happening in front of the woman's husband, the guy would not likely be standing for long.....KWIM?...which is why the entire thing requires some suspension of logic.....
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2013
  2. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    and if it was happening while the spouse was NOT around ( which makes more rational sense) or when no one else was around (which is how real abusers work) then I think the thread would have started with: my wife came home and told me her instructor was inappropriate with her....how should I proceed?....

    so...obviously there is much that we are missing in this scenario...fortunately, the OP has happily moved on and that is a good thing for them, regardless of the missing pieces for us...

    I just hope that, if there is anything truly unacceptable going on, people will take the effort to report it so that others won't experience the same....shrug.....
     
  3. tancos

    tancos Active Member

    Since he is fairly new to dancing I doubt if he has enough posts to be allowed to include video links.
     
  4. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    'there's a lot more inappropriate stuff than most want to believe'

    I was struck by this line in your post. Is there really a lot of inappropriate stuff going on in most studios. My instincts and my experience thus far says it is not so. This is leaving aside any consensual stuff, but I find it hard to believe that a lot of inappropriate stuff goes on at most studios.
     
    flightco likes this.
  5. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

    I'm not aware of anything like this going on in my area, but then the male instructors I know are either gay or very married.
     
  6. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I haven't heard of anything like this happening in my area, but I know someone who went to check out a school in another area and left because the male pro made her uncomfortable--too close in her space, arm around her, overly friendly (upon her being in the studio for 5 minutes). Not a good way to sell lessons, dude.
     
  7. dancelvr

    dancelvr Well-Known Member

    Ditto here.
     
  8. Dancing Irishman

    Dancing Irishman Well-Known Member

    Loaded question: how is someone very married as opposed to normal, run-of-the-mill married (or even just kinda married)? :eek:

    I have seen one instructor who was more flirtatious with his students than I would be comfortable with, but to the best of my knowledge any of his actions beyond the dance floor were consensual. Trying to picture any instructor I've worked with doing something improper with a student I just...can't. One was gay, the rest fit pretty well into the "cold, stern Eastern European dance instructor" stereotype. I pray that anything like this is extremely rare in the dance world.
     
  9. Warren J. Dew

    Warren J. Dew Well-Known Member

    People who have had bad experiences - or even just know about bad situations - tend not to talk about them in public forums.
     
  10. Social Dancer

    Social Dancer New Member

     
  11. Social Dancer

    Social Dancer New Member

    I will post a topic on this in the Ballroom forum. I hope you read it and I hope that some of my thoughts
    on "dancing with another mans wife" are helpful to you and your wife.
     
  12. Social Dancer

    Social Dancer New Member

    A guy in another section asked about having his wife dance with other men. I thought this was a topic worth writing about so here are my thoughts.

    I once danced with a lot of other men's wives and I never had any problems from the Husbands.

    I hope others can add to my rules so that the husbands of dancers can read them and hopefully
    work out something with their wives.

    My first rule about dancing with another man's wife is that I must have your home phone number. If you only want me to call you at work, I will not partner with you.

    I will call your husband, and give him my work number, my home number and my home address. I will ask his permission to dance with you.

    I will also give him the location of any dance we are going to, and the time that the dance begins and ends. If the group goes out to have a cup of coffee after the dance, your husband will have the location and an open invitation to join us. In fact, I would like to have a face to
    face meeting with him.

    We will have our coffee at a place where anyone can see us. (Not in a back corner of the room.)
    Your wife will always be home by 11 PM.

    I will welcome your husband to drop by anytime without bothering to warn us. He is also welcome to visit any of the places that I dance.

    I will flirt exactly the same way if he is watching, as I do when he is away on business.
    I will flirt with you in exactly the same way that I flirt with my other dance partners.

    We will always arrive in our own cars. We will never ever be alone behind closed doors.

    If your husband doesn't feel comfortable with it, our partnership will end, no questions asked.

    Your husband can call me any time he wants to. If he wants to keep you out of the loop,
    as to the content of our man to man conversation, so be it.

    Your husband is doing me a great favor by allowing me to dance with his wife. He has a
    right to withdraw that favor at any time, and for any reason.

    Why did I make so many rules? (And there were a lot more.) Because I liked to dance with married women and if I wanted to do that,, I must have a sparkling clean reputation.

    Each married couple should think long and hard about the rules they want to impose on themselves. The dancing spouse should be totally up front and honest about his/her dance
    partnerships.

    Believe it or not, most of the husbands actually thanked me for dancing with their wives.

    One husband told me that I was like the guy who took a woman out to dinner and dancing
    and he felt like the guy who took the girl home after I had done all the work getting her in a good mood.

    Another guy offered to pay for our dinner and dancing if I took his wife out to a dinner dance on Super Sunday. (She always talked too much during the game.)

    I did meet her at the dinner dance, but we went Dutch. (Which is another good rule.)

    Talk it over with your spouse and you should be able to come to an agreement.
     
    Warren J. Dew likes this.
  13. Hedwaite

    Hedwaite Well-Known Member

    My partner usually keeps a couple goats in the trunk, so that he can offer one up as payment for the privilege.
     
    danceronice, cornutt, dbk and 11 others like this.
  14. LKSO

    LKSO Active Member

    That's one paranoid post. I've never, ever even thought about it before. Now, I don't know if I won't think about this from now on.
     
  15. Lioness

    Lioness Well-Known Member

    Um.

    I think you should rethink your phrasing...perhaps to "a married woman" rather than "another man's wife". Men don't own or control their wives. If they have problems with dancing, it is up to the couple to discuss that, not for you to solve.

    And I'm sorry, but if I'm married, don't you dare ask my husband for permission to dance with me.
     
    stash, Purr, Hedwaite and 3 others like this.
  16. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    Why do I think that your post is full of baloney.
     
  17. TwoRightFeet

    TwoRightFeet Active Member

    That's the creepiest post I've read in a long time! It's obviously a joke.
     
    anntennis likes this.
  18. twnkltoz

    twnkltoz Well-Known Member

    I hope this is a joke. being respectful to the husband and treating me like a child are two entirely different things.
     
  19. Dr Dance

    Dr Dance Well-Known Member

    My dance partner is married to a non dancer. The onus is on her to balance everything to make it work. I have it easy. All I have to do is behave like a perfect gentleman.
     
    bia and fascination like this.
  20. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    please don't....post in this thread so we don't have near duplicate topics
     

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