General Dance Discussion > Went on a date with someone from dance, I need some advice

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Backstreet, Jun 18, 2007.

  1. Backstreet

    Backstreet New Member

    This isn't really a date forum but I figured I'd ask for advice here from any of the girls (Or guys). I met a girl in one of my dance classes and we ended up being hiphop partners. To make a long story short, we ended up going out last Wednesday. Some things that happend was that she brought her sister, which I knew her since she dances at the studio too, because her mother (whom I also know from the studio) was also going out that night too on a date.

    Everything went fairly well except for at the end of the night. I tried to kiss her and she was like no. I was a little stunned then while I was driving home she text me saying she couldn't kiss me in front of her sister. I said thats ok and I respect that. Later that week (Friday) I texted her asking what was up. She said she would text me back saying she was getting in the shower. I texted her later that evening asking what was up (I was going out already but was just saying hey) and she never texted back.

    I didn't text her over the weekend but saw her today. (We have 3 classes together, Mon/Wed/Thurs... last week studio was closed)I said hello and played it off cool and chatted with her and of course other people. (Wanted to give her space so I didn't seem too strong or something) I wasn't really flirty or anything.

    Wed is her birthday and a friend recommended getting her a card. If I don't see her Wed (If she goes out), I will see her Thurs and I could give it to her.

    Anyways, should I try asking her out again? Everything went extremely well that past night but at the end. It seemed kind of like mix signals today but I could be wrong. One thing I noticed on her myspace (We're friends on there) was she posted something saying she "kind of" liked someone and that things were "Going very slowly" (Possibly me?) on one of those questionnaire things that people do for fun on there.

    So maybe a girl can give me an insight into her mind or if a guy wants to give advice thats cool too :)

    PS: We are younger 18 and 21
  2. meow

    meow New Member

    Frankly, I think you are getting the brush off. I'm a female and if I liked you and wanted to be asked out again I wouldn't have ignored your text. As for a birthday card, that is fine as you are friends. See how things go when you have your classes together - see what type of vibes she sends out. Then you will have a better idea whether to ask her out again.
  3. Dave Bailey

    Dave Bailey New Member

    I agree - not replying to your texts, bringing her sister along, using her sister as a reason not to kiss - if she really liked you, I don't think she'd have done this stuff, or she wouldn't have let it stand in her way. Although she could just be playing games of course.

    Yes, the card is fine, no-one ever gets insulted by being given a birthday card :)
  4. spectator

    spectator Member

    or maybe she is very embarrassed that she brought her sister along and now thinks that you think that she is a jerk. Send her the card with a flirtatious message in it, she might genuinly think you aren't that interested, especially if she was seeing if you got in touch over the weekend, because she doesn't want to look desperate...

    I don't know how mature your 18 year old is, but most of the 18 year olds i teach aren't arch manipulators and usually get all giggly and melodramatic over boys. It's worth trying your hand again- is she still happy to be your hip hop partner?

    I had a central american friend who was studying in London. Every time someone asked her out she said no, but then tried to carry on flirting and got terribly upset when they asked some one else out. Apparently in her part of the world, you are supposed to say no and the man persues you for several months until you finally say yes. the moral of the story is young girls often to stupid things because thats what they've read in a magasine/ their friends have told them.
  5. Backstreet

    Backstreet New Member

    Well the hiphop thing was for a dance we did earlier in June. (Recital) Normally we don't have partners but for that dance we did. I will see her again in Ballet (Wed) assuming she goes unless she does something for her birthday. Thursday I should definitely see her in Jazz.

    Are you a girl or guy spectator? Your perspective is just interesting is all. (Just curious)

    And a flirtatious message? Like what?
  6. Backstreet

    Backstreet New Member

    By the way, thanks for the other two replies. More comments are still welcomed too.

    On a side note, my friends think that I haven't blown it. I told them the exact story here. I know my buddy Paul's current girlfriend didn't even call him one time (Before they were bf/gf) when he asked her out. Now they been together for months. Not sure why she blew him off like that. Just saying sometimes I don't understand.

    Frankly, I had thought I was getting the brush off either, but all my friends have been saying no. (And they wouldn't lie)

    More opinions are still welcome :)
  7. spectator

    spectator Member

    am a laydee.

    don't know what you should write as apparently I ain't street or down with the kids so I wouldn't know what counts as innappropriate...

    When you see her at the dance class pay her some attention, not a big public display of it, but you know, don't let her think you've suddenly lost all interest, even if it is something like sharing a private joke, if she looks uncomfortable and brushes you off, that's a sign she's not interested.

    Also have been thinking, a couple of years ago a book came out called "the rules" it's all about making the guy do all the running, it's aimed at an older audience who are a bit more jaded perhaps, so doesn't take into account that if both parties are quite young the guy is likely to lose interest... so maybe she is following the rules? look them up and see if she's used any of their stock phrases.

    I don't think you've blown it, i think she's trying to be "cool".
  8. Backstreet

    Backstreet New Member

    Well I still want to hear your opinion. I value it just as much as anyone else's.
  9. spectator

    spectator Member

    Why does everybody wanna hang with mr Mushroom?
    because he's a funghi! just like me...
  10. spectator

    spectator Member

    tumble weed drifts through the silent empty streets....

    Well I warned you, I know for a fact there are some cheeky people on these boards who could think of some decent offerings...
  11. Backstreet

    Backstreet New Member

    Haha I laughed at it don't worry :)
  12. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Which is which?
  13. Backstreet

    Backstreet New Member

    I am the older one.
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I think meow is probably right...females don't fail to return msgs from males whom they are interested in....(this is NOT the case w/guys...they just get distracted and don't make it a priority)...but females...DO NOT blow off guys they are interested in...NOT NOT NOT.....this doesn't mean you blew means that she's young and not courageous enough to say that she isn't really interested...just my for friends...they tend to tell you what you want to hear at your age
  15. MMAnotDance

    MMAnotDance New Member

    Man, ive been in your shoes, and i am in your shoes.. except i go out with her now. its like you wanna call her, but you dont wanna be annoying, and if you dont call her, she`ll think that you dnot care! Maybe that was her first date or something, i mean if your 18 why would you bring your sister along?! X__x like something happened with mine on sunday, i went to shower and she said i was ignoring her, iono if that was a joke or what, but i sent a text to her rite away after i was finished, because she got off aim rite when i got back. No rply -.- no call in the morning or w/e to tell me she got the text, and she didnt get on aim all day, i know she has a pretty busy schedule but..what the heck. and i called her last night at like 3 am to leave a voicemail saying i was thinking of her, and asking about her day and explained what happened. now its 12 14 and i didnt get a reply yet, and since she starts her day early [because shes volunteering at some christian camp] she shouldve got it rite...

    you and me are on the same shoes but maybe you can ask her sister about her perspective or whats going on, for that she went onto the date, and if she went that means the sisters should be pretty close, rite? maybe its a problem like the one on where this girl cant go out with this guy she really digs because hes not christian... might not be the exact problem but a different topic
  16. kayak

    kayak Active Member

    A great way to test the waters are some group activities outside the regular dance classes. That gives time to get to hang out and get to know each other without relationship pressure. Hanging out before a concert is a great time to see if there is a connection. Double dates are made for testing maybe.

    Skip the rules book ... nothing but unhappiness in there. Any guy who could follow all the rules isn't going to be much of a guy down the road.
  17. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    You are playing games. Not evil-mind-games, but a waiting game - but a game nevertheless, and one in which you are entirely disempowered. Not good...

    First, stop texting and call. Verbal interactions have a way of cutting thru the chase.

    Second, ask her out. Don't make a big deal out of it though. Find a time and venue/event/location that is likely to be appealing to both and just tell her that you want to go there and you'd like her to come along. Don't use the date word and make it a casual get-together.

    I agree with Kayak - skip the rules book.

    If you really want to play games, please don't play the wait-and-watch game. Be more gutsy than that. Scheme to win. Get a (girl) friend to help and create another female 'interest' in the picture. The knowledge that there is another woman interested in you and that you'd go for the first girl if only she were interested but are impatient to wait, will go a long way in attracting her interest.

    What do I think of this situation - somewhat hard to assess. It could be true that she didn't kiss you because of the presence of her sister. But the rest of her behavior indicates disinterest or tentativeness. Give her one more opportunity to respond to your (normally phrased) invitation. After that, either walk away from the scene and spend your time elsewhere more productively, or raise the stakes for her and get into devious-mind-games mode.
  18. madmaximus

    madmaximus Well-Known Member

    Another perspective:

    We often forget the notion that no matter the practioner's age or era, Courtship IS a game.
    And as in any game, it has its unique rules and tools.

    Recognize that this game's most important elements are uncertainty, ambiguity, and pace--they are the things that make one's heart--or even in some cases, one's stomach--to flutter.
    Confidence, cheerful friendliness and concern are your strongest allies, probably the most suitable targets to aim for.

    Here are some of its time tested rules:
    1. VERY SLIGHT increase in attentiveness when the lady is around.
    2. VERY SLIGHT increase in the reduction of personal space between you and the lady.
    3. Most importantly, the vaguest, but most meaningful of glances used sparingly AND strategically.

    The secret to the game though, is to be able to play (pace) it slower than the other.
    A slower pace assures the lady of one's intentions.
    It also shows mastery of one's emotions, abundance of self-confidence, and the willingness to invest some semblance of effort in the process.

    Remember the paradox of courtship:

    You can never attract love by looking desperately in need of it.
    Therefore, adopt a suitable aura of having found the secret to happiness--especially if you haven't.
    It is afterall, the most attractive--and effective--of aphrodisiacs.
    After she falls for you, you are then permitted to relapse into your usual...insert-your-appropriate-adjective-here...state.

  19. spectator

    spectator Member

    There is an obvious answer here that we've all failed to think of...

    Learn the argentine tango and do it well, no woman could resist! and even if she did... there are hundreds of young ladies waiting for you... panting...
  20. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    My take?

    Call her. Say you like her. See what she says.

    It saves a lot of strife (but then again, I'm older and don't have so much time left!!!).

    let us know what happens!

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