General Dance Discussion > Went on a date with someone from dance, I need some advice

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Backstreet, Jun 18, 2007.

  1. spectator

    spectator Member

    That'll be why the american students always give me funny looks when I say I'm off to buy pastys (for lab lunch)...
     
  2. latingal

    latingal Well-Known Member

    Since the original poster is still active in this thread and looking for whatever good advice our members might be able to give....could you all refrain from taking this thread totally off subject for more than a couple of posts?
     
  3. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Haha! What's a pastie on your side of the Pond?
     
  4. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    yes...what she said:doh:
     
  5. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    for the record, i still get attracted to 2-3 women a month, sometimes more than one at the same time ;)

    Yo BackStreet - don't feel pressurized by womenfolk to apologize for acting like men naturally act. We are all polyamorous in our heart - its in our genes. A harem ain't such a bad thing ;)

    While I'm at it, women are also not too different. I'm rarely surprised to hear from women that they have more than one prospective/potential man in their lives and that they are dating more than one guy at the same time...
     
  6. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    It was an honest question that I was interested in the answer to - and not meant to be a judgemental one. After all, who am I to judge? I think few women would question the fact that men are more sexually (here, as in searching for 'pairing') active than women ON THE WHOLE. As you say, there are broad ranges in both so that deisire/searching/pairing have large overlaps for individuals. Besides, having men look at you is one of the strongest emotional turn-ons for most women (and for those of you don't think that is true wait till it wanes..... :eek: ) so go to it! We are also attracted to men who have other women chasing after them. Can't help it - it must be a primoridal thing. Of course, just because an instinct may be priordial it does not necessarily make it good or right for our current lifestyles (e.g. rape which is 'normal' for some animal species (ducks for example) and may have been for some humans for all we know)

    Whats interesting is how you reacted to my question. Since I don't think I expressed any disapproval doesn't that indicate a male insecurity a bit? Has society swung too much to accomodate female views? Or did I miss something.....
     
  7. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Society has swung too much to accomodate female views, then swung a bit more to make men more sensitive to female views (and thus encourage him to alter his self-behavior by putting intellect over instinct), and a bit more by encouraging females to act in ways that reflects the older-male stereotype - kinda like a role reversal.
     
  8. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    if a bit of role reversal was necessary to give women a chance to express their opinions and also be listened to I don't think we've lost much - and yes, that was an infringement into 'male' behaviour. I don't think any of us want to eliminate male/female differences (vive la difference) but we may have to go through an era of gender-neutral behaviour in order to identify which of these are male/female values and which are excuses for discrimination (either way, by the way - eg parenting 'rights'). Don't fool yourself though - in my business (and I am sure we are not unique) when a man walks into a room he is assumed to be able and must do something stupid to prove he is not. When a woman walks in the oppoiste occurs. And, to make it more complex, in my opinion, it is the WOMEN who discrimiate the most. Thus, if a man and a woman walk into a room and htere is a woman in there - she will immediately tuirn to the man and assume he is in charge.

    The interesting thing is that most (educated) men are aware of discrimination and try, or even overcompensate to make sure they are not doing it. Women have not been through this process with each other and are not aware of their own discrimination against each other. Of course, YMMV applies to all above.
     
  9. quixotedlm

    quixotedlm New Member

    Me, I undercompensate. M or F - everybody is incompetent until proven otherwise. :rolleyes:

    I don't mind this (new, a bit confused and evolving) dynamc in most contexts - the only arena where it becomes stupid is in the mating'n'dating game...
     
  10. noobster

    noobster Member

    Aren't you a peach. ;)

    Don't worry, things will swing back the other way. Which means that in about 20 years, we'll be as confused by the next generation as our parents are by us. ;)
     
  11. meow

    meow New Member

    I haven't been around for a couple of days so had to read lots of posts to see where we were up to.
    Backstreet, why are you stressing so much about one particular girl when you are interested in others? You are still on speaking terms with Ashley so just be yourself. If she likes you in a dating way she will let you know, if not just be friends/friendly. Don't try to analyse; just go with the flow. And if she was 'playing games' she will realise that you aren't on the game board.
     
  12. Ron Obvious

    Ron Obvious New Member

    But how does he know that she let's him know?
     
  13. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    Lessee - this is a guy who has reacted to the most inane gesture. Its not knowing when the signal comes, its knowing when it doesn't that might be a problem. The real answer is to assume there isnothing there until there really is something.
     
  14. Ron Obvious

    Ron Obvious New Member

    Here's an analogy from Seinfeld, about George not knowing whether he's got the job:
    What's the worst thing that can happen if he assumes she's interested?
     
  15. elisedance

    elisedance New Member

    worst?

    Here's your job analogy (continued):

    George goes to the job sits at his desk when asked what he is doing says he is employed to manage the widgets, puts his name plate out, startst to instruct the secretary on his work needs, style, tells her to order suplies, senmd out a memo to his boss saying that he will take care of the threat to the widget by the wodget meeting.

    Meanwhile Jack (who actually got hired for this job) is in another office doing the same thing. the secretary freeks out and breaks dowm. jack comes to George's office. they get into an argument as George insists he was hired. They might get heated, there might be blows as George has no easy out. Jack decides this has to be straightend out and makes a 'polite' call to his boss asking what on earth is going on, legal is called. legal is worried about a law suit. They call the police and report an insane guy who is a potential threat. The police come, George is arested and charged with illegal treaspass with intent to steal company secrets and is remanded for psychiatric evaluation. Oh, George does not get the job.
    *****
    And at the studio? Probably the worst thing that can happen is that this girl strats to feel that he is harrassing and even stalking her. she complains to her friends or worse and maybe quits the dance studio. I don't think that will do much good for his future prospects.
     
  16. Ron Obvious

    Ron Obvious New Member

    I would have loved to see that in the Seinfeld episode. It just ended with George's boss being surprised to find him there, in the lesser of two rooms.
     
  17. latingal

    latingal Well-Known Member

    And now back to the regularly scheduled topic....okay?
     
  18. meow

    meow New Member

    Hypothesis:
    If Ashley likes Backstreet as a friend she will be friendly. If she doesn't want to have anything to do with him and ignores him then she doesn't want to even be friends. If she is interested in a date eventually he will pick up on this and ask her out. If BS misreads her or she is game playing then he will find out fairly quickly.
    If BS asks her out and she goes 'weird' again then she is loopy and should be avoided at all costs.
    If she is playing games then, again, she is loopy! And if BS keeps going back for more then one has to wonder. :rolleyes:
     
  19. Backstreet

    Backstreet New Member

    Just wanted to update. I am suppose to have a date this Fri/Sat with another girl which is good if things work out. I will see Ashley today and I will be able to further read her non-verbal simply because today's class (Assuming she is there) is much smaller then my other classes. (Like 4 people) Basically, if I try and talk to her and I get one word answers, well thats a bad sign. Or if her non-verbal suggests leave me alone or something.

    On another note (I asked semi-advice on this and no one said anything so saying again) there is this GORGEOUS girl that works at my college bookstore. I pass by there everyday on the way to the gym. I went in there last week with a friend (He needed to purchase something) and thats when I sort of got to meet her. Unfortunately she works the register and it was busy so I couldn't sit there talking to her much.

    I walked into there today to buy a drink and say hello. I wanted to ask her out but my conversation wasn't very smooth so I didn't. Normally I am not at a loss of words.

    So anyways, from a girl's perspective (Or guy's), should I build more rapport with this girl before asking her out or simply go for it the next time I walk in there? She should be working Wed.

    Anyways off to dance and I will update on Ashley.
     
  20. latingal

    latingal Well-Known Member

    Okay from my perspective Backstreet, as the girl I would rather get to talk to you a bit more before you ask me out. In my way of thinking, if I'm not interested after talking to you a bit, I can send subtle or not so subtle non-verbal messages that I am or am not interested. This method allows me to save us both embarassment or awkwardness if I would have said "no" if you asked.

    Of course I'm not sure if I would be a good stand in for a young, gorgeous college girl. *grin*
     

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