Dancers Anonymous > What would you do...?

Discussion in 'Dancers Anonymous' started by Larinda McRaven, Jul 27, 2014.

  1. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    I was at a wedding last night. It was actually a vow renewal, since they eloped a few months ago. It was held in a reception hall.

    During the actual service the caterers, a local grocery store, decided the continue to set up the coffee and tea station, complete with unwrapping the stack of plastic cups from their wrapper.... RIGHT NEXT TO THE STAGE where the service was being held. I was appalled. And I really want to go to the grocery store and complain that they need to step up their game. But it IS a small town.

    Here is a very simple drawing of the layout... the place is actually very large and there was a dance floor and a dessert/candy table and tons of other ares.... but the stage seating and main food/drink was all right together. You can see the coffee/tea station is completely adjacent to the stage. Even the unwrapping of the cups was picked up by the microphone the wedding party was using.

    Is it worth saying something over? Everyone here knows everyone, even if you are the grocery store catering manager and a dance teacher. Do I become THAT woman ...? Am I just out of sync with the times thinking that weddings should be a little classier than that?

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    Last edited: Jul 27, 2014
  2. snapdancer

    snapdancer Well-Known Member

    Definitely should not have happened.

    But wondering where the fault lies. Was the caterer made aware of the schedule and what time the ceremony was to take place, hence what time they were to have the table service set up? Who defined the room setup, and set the caterer's table next to the stage? Perhaps the caterer had another job to get to and didn't have the time to wait for the ceremony to finish. But if they were hired for a block of time to maintain the caterer's table during the reception, then I see no excuse.
  3. RiseNFall

    RiseNFall Well-Known Member

    No, you are not out of sync. IF the owner of the grocery store was not there, I would quietly say something to him/her in a "for your information as a business owner" way. If the owner was there it is trickier, but you could say something like "you may not realize that xyz noises were picked up by the microphone and were distracting" and you might still be doing the owner a favor. Depends on your relationship with the owner. I imagine that the people who did the hiring may not want to dwell on the shortcomings enough to register a complaint about it.
  4. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    I know this building inside and out. There are PLENTY of other options as to how to set up the room. But I assume the caterers want and encourage the couple to set up the food and drink as close as possible to the kitchen/bar. Timewise the rest of the setup, tables, food, bar...etc were completely finished. And there was time after the ceremony before the buffet was opened to complete any leftover jobs.

    My thought as well, as I remember during my wedding I was in such a state that I simply did not care to notice or micromanage anything out of line that evening. I ignored all of the shortcomings and just partied on.

    But as a spectator I just can't seem to get over how someone would walk right up next to a stage and lug up a huge 35 gallon jug of tea, then come back with the 35 gallons of coffee, and then still come back with the cups... right in the middle of the ceremony. And not only that but they were standing right in front of one the guest tables blocking the view as they did it. Not to mention this episode will be on their video.
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2014
  5. raindance

    raindance Well-Known Member

    It's too bad it happened, but I would probably leave it alone, and leave it for the couple (or their parents, etc, who may have paid for the celebration and made arrangements) to say anything. As a guest, I would not be trying to deal with the vendors, other than for my immediate needs (e.g. could I have some more coffee, please, from a waiter, etc).

    Among other things, you would be drawing the couple's attention to a flaw in their day, if the vendor contacted them about your concern, or they otherwise heard about your concern from a third (or fourth, or whatever) party in a small town.
    j_alexandra and danceronice like this.
  6. raindance

    raindance Well-Known Member

    On the other hand if you know the facility and facility owners well, it might be worth mentioning to them for future events held in their facility. There's still a risk it will get back to the couple, though.
  7. sbrnsmith

    sbrnsmith Well-Known Member

    I probably wouldn't say anything in that situation, but leave it to the couple or their parents to handle. I would imagine they are annoyed about it too
  8. Bailamosdance

    Bailamosdance Well-Known Member

    Sounds like something out of "my big fat hillbilly wedding" or whatever it was called.

    This is what wedding planners do. You might want to talk to whomever planned the wedding, and forgot to schedule the catering. And whoever set up the room.
  9. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I think I would leave it to the family involved as well...often those of us who have been on the recieving end of sublime service are appalled by things that don't really bother others.
  10. nikkitta

    nikkitta Well-Known Member

    Reminds me that during my friend's wedding, the videographer's cell phone went off during the ceremony. Seriously?!? She was also extremely upset that they didn't capture the wedding dance very well, and was so happy that I had recorded it with my own camera.

    IMO, the setup should have waited until after the ceremony. Once this couple sees the video, if they happened to be oblivious to the goings-on at the time, they will see it then. I'd be inclined to say something about it to the caterers about the avoidable disruption. Go ahead and be "THAT woman" :D
  11. Cal

    Cal Well-Known Member

    If I were a guest, I would not say one thing about it. Even if the bride and groom asked me directly if the caterers were disruptive, I'd tell a white lie and say that it was a lovely ceremony and I didn't notice a thing. (I'm not saying it would be easy to do that, but that's what I'd do.)
  12. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    Did you meet John quinonez? Oh I thought it might have been the tv show
    Larinda McRaven likes this.
  13. nikkitta

    nikkitta Well-Known Member

    If only.

    In all seriousness, I find that common sense is becoming less and less common these days, so it's entirely possible that the disruptors had no idea they were being stupid. Were it only a matter of pointing out the seemingly obvious to someone, that would be one thing. I do understand your hesitation if you truly feel it would upset the bride and groom, however.
  14. Hedwaite

    Hedwaite Well-Known Member

    People are dumb and socially insensitive (yes, this is coming from me), and they haven't been schooled on proper ceremony, business meeting, parli pro, or other "this isn't your living room" etiquette (and most chew with their mouths open, serve themselves by scooping something using spoon-and-thumb from serving dishes, and shout in people's ears beside them to reach other speakers at the table). I'd have left my seat, sneaked around the perimeter inconspicuously, touched one on the arm and whispered "Excuse me... could you please hold off on this until after the actual ceremony? Shouldn't be long- Thanks so much," if I thought the "vibe" was right to do so.

    People really are totally oblivious to their surroundings in public places and at special occasions, and a lot of them have adopted this "Whatever, I'm far too superior to allow the repercussions of my words and actions as perceived by others to influence my entitled perspective," and it's just an easy copout for them to be as sh**ty as they want to behave and feel okay with it. To some degree, yes, you can't worry about offending everyone- but you should at least try to reach some common ground without being an indifferent jerk, and as applied to people working; it's the same as a waitress barging in on a group of people having a quick, quiet prayer some Sunday after church in a restaurant where they've all decided to gather and chat and eat, or having a performance and someone bringing their brats and letting Little Precious run buck wild all over the place. They don't necessarily want to hurt your feelings, they're just thinking more about what they're doing than anything else at the moment. Also, if anyone's read Split Cherry Tree, a lot of people these days have adopted the "Manners n' cleanin' up fancy is fer snooty folks" mentality. You can thank periodicals such as Woman's Weekly for proudly declaring (next to Delicious Spring Desserts Kids Will Love! and Lose 24 pounds in the first week new water diet! of course) "Use simple words and smile when talking to people. You don't want them to think you're trying to better than them (they, actually), and you'll make more friends who can understand you better." Or watch "Lucy", where the entire script was dumbed-down Matrix meets Mnemonic meets Net meets the level-up graphics in Bejeweled 2.

    I HATE to be "That person" in a restaurant, who complains about everything and wants things to absolute exacting specifications, and I won't dine with people who act like entitled jerks at restaurants (the idiots thinking they deserve to make more than a college professor for putting McBurgers together incorrectly and throwing them out a drive-through window is another story entirely)... but it's easier for me now to say "Hey, if you don't mind, could you please seat us away from smoke/kids/drunks/etc.? I'd appreciate it" and I tip accordingly. If something's really wrong, I can point it out without feeling too guilty. So yes, sometimes the circumstances are right for speaking politely with someone by asking them to do something without acting like a smug jerk, which only puts them on the immediate defensive. If they can see the whys and hows of what they're doing as wrong, most will be happy to accommodate the request for a polite person who doesn't act like they just have an axe to grind, or are posturing.
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2014
    Angel HI, nikkitta and jiwinco like this.
  15. Angel HI

    Angel HI Well-Known Member

    ABSOLUTELY! You should say something. Why? Because........
    Disagree on both counts. The conversation; is not for, would not be directed to, or would involve the couple or party. If they are unaware, then they are not bothered. If they are aware, and not saying anything, they will be acquiescent of an apology should that happen. If the are aware, and griping about it as well, then it's moral support. Regardless, it's the right thing to do. The world might be a better place if more persons with legitimate criticism and constructive input belayed the "Oh, it's not my problem", or "What difference can I make?", or "Let someone do it" approach.
  16. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Ask the vow renewers if they were bothered by the caterers. If they didn't give a crap, why should you? If they care, they'll have words with the caterers themselves.

    Also, 35 gallons is almost 300 lb...I doubt they were lugging 35 gallons of tea in a jug!
    Bailamosdance likes this.
  17. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    I think, as Hedwaite mentioned, that the option in the moment of askinng them politely to be a bit more quiet would have been best so that they themselves could be aware in the moment of their lack of this juncture, as I said before, I would defer to those who paid for their service
  18. Larinda McRaven

    Larinda McRaven Site Moderator Staff Member

    Last edited: Jul 29, 2014
  19. kckc

    kckc Active Member

    I don't know that I would have been able to concentrate on the ceremony. Even the motion off to the side without any sound would be hugely distracting.
  20. JudeMorrigan

    JudeMorrigan Well-Known Member

    I would shoot the hostage.

    Wait, no. That's not right...

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