Tango Argentino > When only one partner takes Tango lessons

Discussion in 'Tango Argentino' started by Goldie Abaee, Dec 28, 2015.

  1. Goldie Abaee

    Goldie Abaee New Member

    Hi forum: I am new here and I do not dance Tango but my boyfriend does. So I am hoping that I can get some perspective from you dancers out there.

    My boyfriend and I are in a long distance but wonderful relationship for over a year now. He used to take Tango lessons more than 6 years ago and has not really been pursuing it since. He mentioned yesterday that a few months ago, he went to a Tango event to dance. I was bothered by this fact because 1)I found about it later and 2)Tango seems to be a very intimate dance which involves close physical contact with other women.

    I am a professional bellydancer myself but my dance is a solo dance which does not involve dancing with a male partner. Even so, my boyfriend does not like it due to its sensual nature.

    Anyway, I am bothered by the fact that IF he decides to pursue Tango again, it would involve being in social settings with other women and this is hard for me, given that we are apart in two different countries, despite the fact that we see each other at least twice a month.

    From you tango dancers' perspectives, am I overracting? I know he loves Tango and as a dancer myself, I respect and understand one's passion for a dance form.

    I did not want to get into an argument with him over this but I do not know who to handle it.

    Thanks for any feedback about how I am feeling.
  2. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    Are you dressed why perform belly dancing?
    It's a solo act but with flirtations in mind.

    Maybe you should talk with him to solve your insecurities.
    And BTW do you have a plan on moving in together, or to be always on the distance.
  3. Goldie Abaee

    Goldie Abaee New Member

    of course I am dressed when I bellydance.

    Yes we have talked about eventually moving closer together in the near future. I am currently in Turkey and he is in Italy and we take the time to see each other every month.
  4. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    Did you talk about your insecurities and his tango?
    And he mustn't stop taking tango as a hobby.

    Infidelities happens relating to life, it's not about tango.

    Since he has some stimuli in tango, he might not seek for infidelity.

    "Tango is for successful people, not being able to have relationship but that need a hug twice a week" Tango cynic
    Goldie Abaee likes this.
  5. newbie

    newbie Well-Known Member

    For a year or so I had a pro belly dancer as my partner in a tango class. Her body was so flexible that it was very hard to lead her.

    Well if you're the jealous kind of woman then pretty much any social activity of his may trigger it, like him going to the gas station to buy a pack of beer. In tango yes you have someone in your arms but it's like a supermarket cashier having banknotes in the hands all day long, it's just paper for her.
  6. RiseNFall

    RiseNFall Well-Known Member

    This is a common question from people who don't partner dance. Truly, the dancing itself is nothing to worry about. You not be any more jealous that you would be about, oh, him joining a hiking group which included women. Or working with women. I concur with the other posters who say it's no different from any other situation where he is with other women.

    Maybe you'll take up Tango. :)
  7. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    I do say you overreact, but I am a tango dancer. We know that the dance is seductive, but mostly it all stays on the dance floor. Same as belly dance. I actually started learning it this ending year, had my first couple of performances recently, and loved it. It is a very sensual, trance inducing dance, and I see how a man can be objective to his significant other performing it in front of strangers. But your boyfriend goes over your dancing somehow, I guess? So let him dance, too. :)
    Come on, the guy has many women available close around, and goes to such great lengths to be with you. He obviously loves you and cares about you a great deal. You have nothing to worry about. Enjoy!
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2015
    Mr 4 styles and Goldie Abaee like this.
  8. Goldie Abaee

    Goldie Abaee New Member

    no he has never showed any interest to see me dance/ he has seen my dance videos and while all his friends love it he hardly comments except that he said once he had seen bellydancing and he did not like it. I found that statemet a bit judgemental given the fact that he had seen the dance very briefly once in a restaurant. I got the sense that he was jealous.
  9. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    It is normal for loving ones to get a little possessive. There is no love without that. But just a little! :) No one shall be deprived of their passion and their art beside the relationship. They inspire our love, among other things.
    I suggest you try up tango. Turkey has a lot of great male dancers, and, as I heard, not enough female ones. ;)
    Goldie Abaee likes this.
  10. Mr 4 styles

    Mr 4 styles Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't worry about it. Tango isn't that sexy but you should take it up too that way you can share the dance together. Then it will be sexier . Bachata on the other hand....:eek:
    Goldie Abaee likes this.
  11. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    I do believe tango is very sexy and sexual, but we dancers can manage to keep it within the context of the dance. Otherwise we would go to bed with great many people. :) (Some, very few, actually do, but that's another story, and I am sure they are not your boyfriend, they are usually no one's bf for a significant period of time, hehe.)
    Mladenac and Goldie Abaee like this.
  12. koinzell

    koinzell Active Member

    Nothing to worry about. (trust me, I'm a guy ;)) About him not showing any interest in belly dancing...that's just the way it is. Once you dance tango, all other dances pale in comparison.
    Angel HI, Mladenac and Goldie Abaee like this.
  13. Goldie Abaee

    Goldie Abaee New Member

    Yes you have a good point but I do not agree with how all other dances pale in comparison with tango. Tango is beautiful and skillful but not superior or more remarkable than any other dance. I would like to think that all different dancers appreciate and respect every type of dance.
    ocean-daughter and Bailamosdance like this.
  14. UKDancer

    UKDancer Well-Known Member

    ... no such claim was made: rather it is a common response to feel that way having danced tango.

    These forums focus on partner dancing - and I think that most members would recognise that any partner dance brings a dimension that is necessarily lacking in solo efforts, however skilful. Those of us that dance tango in an improvisatory way and with partners who may be strangers, recognise that there is both a skill set and an approach to the way we dance that seems to demand more from us than from other styles.
  15. Mladenac

    Mladenac Well-Known Member

    Wishful thinking.
    He doesn't care and he showed you that.
    It's your thing and you are enjoying it, don't take that personally.
    When tango dancers talk about tango they have some awkward reaction from others.
    Angel HI likes this.
  16. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    When you love and have a passion for something, when you invest a lot emotionally and in other ways into it, it inevitably will seem superior compared to other similar things.
    However, to say to a person that his/her passion is inferior or show disrespect to something he or she is very much into is impolite and ignorant, I believe.
    Goldie Abaee likes this.
  17. Tango Distance

    Tango Distance Active Member

    A few random thoughts:
    • A motivator for him to do Tango might be because you are doing belly dancing. Maybe he feels a bit left out, maybe he feels it would be a point of common interest for you two (after all, how many men belly dance???).
    • I find watching car racing mildly interesting, but I love to do it. I don't watch skiing videos, but I love to do it. It's much more fun for me to dance with Dear Wife (DW) than to watch her do it. I can see how he would find doing dance much better than watching dance.
    • I don't know your dance scenario, but I could see him being uncomfortable seeing a bunch of men watching you belly dance.
    • Doing something often demystifies it. I think it would be a great idea for you to do some Tango with him. A good lead can make a beginner look good, and you'd have a running start with belly dance experience. You might want to go straight to a Milonga to see it is more like a gathering of friends rather than a bar meat market.
    BTW there was a belly dancer in one of my classes. She was quite amazing. I don't think I have ever seen anyone that could dissociated hips and shoulders so far. She had fantastic balance. She got everything the first time, and was the only student that complained the class was going too slow. She was also by far the fastest, no matter how fast I would try to do something, or if I was very late in initiating a step, she could keep up.
    Goldie Abaee likes this.
  18. Lilly_of_the_valley

    Lilly_of_the_valley Well-Known Member

    Side note: it kinda amuses me when people announce first thing their previous dance experience while taking beginners classes in other dances. I would never do that unless asked. I don't think it is particularly relevant. Of course, there is no need to hide, either... I have seen people doing that, too. :)
  19. dchester

    dchester Moderator Staff Member

    Answer: Yes
    Angel HI and Lilly_of_the_valley like this.
  20. Angel HI

    Angel HI Well-Known Member

    As a tango teacher and a psychologist who has counseled many through relationship issues, my 2 cents is;
    1. Yes, you are over-reacting if he/you have given no reason to believe that his dancing will interfere with the relationship.
    2. As you have noted, dance is a passion of the both of you --just not the same one... for the moment. As others have noted you may certainly become involved in tango (if it is a mutual desire). As for your dance, I have found, as TD above, that belly dance has helped many persons to perform better their other endeavors.

    OK, an extra cent... relationships are all about the coming together of 'yours' 'mine' and 'ours'. Some parts must cross; others never will, and this is OK. Be well, Goldie, and welcome to the DF.
    Goldie Abaee likes this.

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