General Dance Discussion > Why are male dancers so hard to find?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by Dancer's Life, Aug 12, 2009.

  1. soshedances

    soshedances Active Member

    Nope, definitely not!
  2. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    I've known a number of decent or good leaders who were partnerless for substantial periods even though they were willing to compromise quite a bit, including dancing with less experienced followers, and even in one case trying out with someone who had just been hospitalized for mental instability. For a few brief periods, a male friend and I practiced together (alternating roles) because there was simply no one else.

    For someone like me, who was not fortunate enough to start out on a collegiate team, there are the following options:
    1. Wait for an existing partnership to break up. Which often means that that other guy is now unpartnered.
    2. Get together with a pro/amer. But how would I approach her without antagonizing her pro? And she's probably happier dancing with her pro. I don't blame her. Even if I'm better than she, it's a lot more efficient for her to learn through dancing with her pro, and much, much less painful. ;)
    3. Somehow find that free floater like me who is drifting somewhere out there, maybe in another studio? Perhaps she is even at the same studio, but our paths will never cross because we practice on different days or at different times?

    I won't disagree that it's hard to find male partners. I guess I feel that it's hard to find a partner, period. :)
  3. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Don't feel like the lone ranger. Just the thought. Oooh.

    <loosens collar, breathes hard, and dries sweaty palms>
  4. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Do you live in Silicon Valley?
  5. Wolfgang

    Wolfgang Member
    She's very distinctly being more than 'nice', she's flirting.
    I know, she does this to all the men, including myself.

    And yes to what Terpsichorean said, 'partners' for anything are hard to find.
    (Unless you are at the very top of the heap - which is hard to reach without a partner, of course...)
    Try finding a tennis partner below level 3.0 or so.
  6. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Great post and great attitude. Really, dancing is like any other activity as far as the social aspect. You won't "get the girl" solely because you're a good dancer, or good tennis player, or whatever. It's a foot in the door, an icebreaker to give you a common interest to enjoy and talk about, that's all.

    I see nothing wrong with a little marketing on the studio's part either. They're not guaranteeing anyone a new romance, just the opportunity to meet people, which does happen. A guy who's a good dancer will get my attention. The rest depends on mutual attraction, interest and compatibility, which is never a guarantee in this life. :rolleyes:
  7. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    Yes, but I lived elsewhere in the Bay Area when I was looking for a partner. :)
  8. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    Love the new avatar, j_alexandra!
  9. waltzguy

    waltzguy Active Member

    Wow, reading this thread makes me value my partner that much more. I agree, it is very very hard to find a good dance partner! Especially as you move up the food chain.
  10. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Moderator

    Re: marketing, I've been to 15 studios in my area. In my experience, not one of them tried to sell themselves as anything more than a place for dancing (and exercise). Perhaps I haven't found the right studios. ;)
  11. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    My studio is the same way. I don't know of any studios in my area that claim to offer anything else, actually. I have seen some individual instructors joke around in class, telling the guys that a certain move will impress the ladies and such. :p
  12. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    So flirt back!

    I do know what you're saying. But eventually you and everyone can -- eventually -- tell whether this goes beyond surface-level interaction, right? I've encountered some women in dancing who have *very* familiar mannerisms; eventually I realized that some people are just like that.

    Now if she's deceptively (or even not!) outright leading guys to believe that they'll get her phone number if they buy this many lessons, a dinner date for this many, etc. etc., that's something altogether different. I doubt I would reward that sort of behavior with my business. To deliberately prey upon the emotionally vulnerable is despicable, no matter who does it. But that's not the norm of what I've observed personally in my own dance community.

    So anyway, on topic -- I can understand entirely why guys would leave if they had certain expectations and it turned out they didn't match reality. But to be honest I think some guys could stand to reset their expectations, plus I personally don't really want the remedy to be a reduction in the number of flirtatious pretty girls in the dance community...
  13. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    Thank you. It describes my cat's attitude to my workload beautifully.
  14. DancingMommy

    DancingMommy Active Member



    SRSLY. I don't think I've turned down a dance from anyone who asks - regardless of their level except for the guy who dropped me on my head at Swingers. My policy has always been to say "yes" or ask the shy guys to dance (unless they are falling down drunk).
  15. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    Actually, it's harder at the top.
  16. Wolfgang

    Wolfgang Member

    It isn't the studios themselves that sell the idea of 'the guy who can dance getting the girl' or some such thing.
    They don't have to - everyone else is doing it for them.
    Taking dance lessons is usually one of the very first things out of everyone's mouth when giving 'advice' to guys are stuck for dating options.

    Lonely at the top?
    Hard to believe.
    Judging by my personal observations, owners of studios (single or not), pro dancers, dance instructors and similar never seem to have any shortage of females of literally every stripe imaginable throwing themselves at them.
    Which cannot be said for 'lower' level dancers.......
    Unless they're really tall.

    Re:Flirting - The instructor in question is a very good teacher (credit where it's due), but some of her methods are somewhat....questionable.
    She will give every indication possible under U.S. decency 'rules' and the boundaries set by her studio that she is romantically interested in a guy (during lessons, sometimes beyond), which she knows perfectly well will have a fairly solid effect on most guys, since she's quite attractive.
    She does this with all of them.......
    Upon flirting back, she will then reveal (after the guy has signed some sort of contract with the studio, of course...) that she is in fact married to or dating one of the other instructors.
    Luckily, I caught on to this before I started to 'flirt back'.......
    The thusly duped and rejected guys will then either give up, stink it up and take their lessons or just leave, upon which the studio will do their best to drag their heels refund-wise.....
  17. j_alexandra

    j_alexandra Well-Known Member

    I say no if it's a dance I don't know. I figure that's just common sense. Other than that, I'm in, even with the feeler-uppers and shy guys and the truly terrible who can't keep time. Although one particular feeler-upper is going to get a "no" with explanation next time he asks (assuming he does).
  18. etp777

    etp777 Active Member

    Does the explanation involve a knee to the crotch? Or at least heel to the instep? If not, I suggest reconsidering.
  19. DL

    DL Well-Known Member

    Well, you'll meet more women that way and learn a partner activity that many women enjoy. If you find that you don't enjoy that activity yourself, learning it will probably be of limited value no matter what. It's not horrible advice; it's just not a "silver bullet". Indeed, there is no "silver bullet".

    Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink...

    So all right, it's tough to say more about that particular case over the internet. Leading people on as a means of persuading them to spend money is indefensible; however it's hard to distinguish that from certain harmless behaviors, without seeing the actual situation. Still, even if things are just as you say for that case, I think it's important not to generalize.

    In any case, if I'm a single guy, decide that learning to dance will bring me the girl of my dreams, go to a studio, find a really attractive girl who flirts with me, learn she's taken, give up, and go home -- well, at the end of it all, I gave up and went home.

    Me personally, I think I'm better off participating in a community that offers more "possibilities" than the rest of my day-to-day life, than not. If that community includes pretty girls who flirt with me (even if it's purely casual), I suppose that's a cross I'm willing to bear...

    But OK, a lot of guys do give up and go home. Perhaps sometimes the reason is that they feel led on and manipulated by the first people they meet in the dance community. So I can see that point, but I wouldn't generalize and say or imply that men don't proceed in dancing because as a rule they are unsuspectingly set upon by manipulative unscrupulous women who profit by taking advantage of them.
  20. Anchovynist

    Anchovynist New Member

    Ever consider taking up gardening?


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