General Dance Discussion > Why are some people so cheap about dance lessons?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by jennyisdancing, Jan 18, 2011.

  1. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member


    You may be right. It seems like at the studio I go to there are a lot of single men and women in their 20's and 30's and low 40's there who take group classes. I gather that 90 percent are single, because I don't see them with wedding rings. I am a 69 year old married male. It appears to me that a lot of them are there to meet persons in the opposite sex. It looks like there is some subtle jocking by some of them if not many of them to dance with the most attractive ones-regardless of their dance skills. I think that I am a more skilled dancer than many if not most of them. I do wear a wedding ring, though my wife does not go, because she is probably one of the few women who does not like dancing. The few times that the instructor asks the women to choose the men to dance-they don't generally ask me-they ask the most attractive males. I assume (maybe incorrectly) that that is age related. I might also add that the instructors are also very young, and most times when they want to demonstrate a step for the students-they will choose the most attractive male or female to demonstrate the step with. Out of curiosity, I note that you say or imply that the men that you are looking for are not interested in you and vice versa. What qualities are you looking for?
  2. TangoRocks

    TangoRocks Member

    Lol, freeageless, maybe I should move to your neck of the woods? Most of the people I meet at group classes here are either married, or very young (talking 17-18, not 20s even) or already have bf/gf connections although not all of them come to dance with their significant others. I am annoyed to hear, however, that the instructor in a group class is asking the women to choose men to dance with (or vice-versa)--in most groups I've been in, there was an explicit "switching" mechanism, which removed that kind of "choice"--ie, now, everyone move one person to the right/left/clockwise/counterclockwise etc. Also, how does the instructor avoid chaos on the dance floor when the ladies make a beeline for their favourite hunk, given that the distribution of guys on the floor are not going to be predictable and the ladies will cross paths trying to get to the guys?

    I didn't start dancing to find a girlfriend/wife/whatever--although I thought knowing how to dance would come in handy if/when I met someone special, and in the last 6 or so years of dancing, just like Jenny, I have yet to get a date out of that scene. I had a few ladies I'd have been interested, who turned out either to be already in relationships or otherwise not interested in me, however, that's probably a total of 4 over 6 years, so not even one a year--I could meet more eligible ladies in almost any other social environment! :)

    If someone is taking dance lessons just to meet girls/guys, the cheapest class with lots and lots of turnover is probably the most cost effective way to go about it, meaning mostly taking beginner classes in "popular" dance styles like salsa / bachata / swing (lindy) / wcs--it's just not for me since I actually like dancing for the sake of itself, not just as a means to get hitched/get laid/whatever.
  3. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    TangoRocks, you may be right about the age range here too. I really can't tell whether they are 18 or 19 or 28 or maybe even 30 or older. I have only taken group classes and used instructional DVD's. I had thought about taking maybe one private lesson a month because they are so expensive-like about $85 per session. This one female and I don't know her age and I have danced quite a lot with her. She is a good dancer. She told me that she would like to take private lessons, but she could not afford it. I told her that she could take the one private lesson a month that I was thinking about taking with me. I then stated it is the same price for one person as it is for two. She stated that she did not think that she would have time. I notice that she tends now to shy away from me. Apparently, I should never have offered. But I guess even at 69, one lives and learns in this world. Now that I think about it, I don't know if that girl is 20 or 35.
  4. Bailamosdance

    Bailamosdance Well-Known Member

    Everyone has an answer like that! I read somewhere that when people were asked if they wanted to hear more classical music on the radio, an overwhelming percentage said yes - but the reality of it is that classical music is only chosen by a tiny percentage of listeners, so they were simply saying what seemed to be a 'good' answer. The point being, you could actually PAY some of these folks to show up at the private lesson they say they'd love to take and they would still have an excuse to not do it. It's just the polite thing to say I suppose when someone mentions doing something like taking a dance lesson - they always seem to want to but have overwhelming reasons to not do it 'just right now'.

    My favorite: "I can't take a lesson today because my (16 year old) son MIGHT want to take a walk".
  5. freeageless

    freeageless Active Member

    Bailamosdance, thanks. You just made me feel a lot better. I had also told her that she could choose the instructor, and she would not have to pay anything, that I would pay the cost of the lesson(s). I thought maybe she said no, because she just thought I was way to old for her to take lessons with-and she was embarrassed that I asked. Thanks again.
  6. RoyHarper

    RoyHarper Member

    Bailamosdance is correct. People say that sort of thing because they think that it's the right thing to say -- that it's the answer which elevates artfulness over mediocrity. Actually following through requires both confidence, effort, and a desire to learn though. Most people lack the first two, and typically all three.
  7. nucat78

    nucat78 Active Member

    How about this one (in general): technical school pays students a stipend to offset transport costs, supplies, etc. But they have to have 85% attendance over a 4-6 week course to be eligible and a grade of B or better. 30% of the students can't make the 85% attendance target to be eligible for a stipend. WTH?
  8. Terpsichorean Clod

    Terpsichorean Clod Well-Known Member

  9. rbazsz

    rbazsz New Member

    Could it be that the ballroom dance events you go to are too serious? Maybe the people that go to them are very fixed on technique or competing and not dating.
  10. jennyisdancing

    jennyisdancing Active Member

    Well, I don't do much ballroom, and what little I do, is at dances that do not attract the competition crowd. And at those dances, there are lots of single ladies, but not many men. Mostly I do salsa and WCS. There are a good number of singles in salsa, but mostly much younger than me. WCS gets mostly a lot of couples in my area. So bottom line, my dating pool (available single men over 40) is very small to start with. Then you have the random factor of whether I'm attracted to them, or vice versa.

    So yeah...I would be cheap about dance lessons IF my only goal was to find dates. Clearly, dance is not a successful dating strategy for me and I am not getting a "payoff" for my investment in that sense. I do it for other reasons, thankfully.
  11. RoyHarper

    RoyHarper Member

    That's exactly how I feel, jennyisdancing.

    BTW, I do think that you've shared a lot of wisdom in this thread.
  12. Ray Sison

    Ray Sison New Member

    I wholeheartedly agree... :cheers:
  13. RoyHarper

    RoyHarper Member

    Revisiting a previous post...

    I like that insight. I think that people are often afraid to say things like this, but I do think that it's an accurate assessment of modern society. I think it's true that people have become less inclined to appreciate the pleasures of developing a skill. That's not to say these people are somehow deplorable or deficient; rather, it's just the general direction in which society has been heading.

    Personally, I wish that you had a larger soapbox.
  14. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    lolz, well thank you Roy, however, your wish is likely several other people's nightmare so I will probably try to keep that sort of thing reigned in the the best of my abilities...never fear though, I have fairly regular lapses in self-discipline
  15. rbazsz

    rbazsz New Member

    Jenny -- my guess is that men are highly successful at finding dates even if they are not that good of dancers. Therefore if they are there mostly for dating they don't feel the need to pay for expensive lessons. Men that are good at picking women up only need access to women, which dancing at most levels surely provides.
  16. rbazsz

    rbazsz New Member

    What is social ChaCha? Maybe that's a topic for a new thread, so I will open one.
  17. rbazsz

    rbazsz New Member

    Now I understand the problem. The events you go to typically have a surplus of women, which means there are plenty of choices for the available men. Even worse, most of the women are young. As we all know given a choice most men will opt for the beautiful young women, all other things being equal.

    My guess is that ladies over 40 would have better luck finding date material at ballroom events where men may be more interested in mature women. Dance events such as the Foxtrot, Waltz, Rhumba, or ECS my be more conductive for the purpose of finding dates. Events such as Salsa, WCS, or Lindy Hop probably are not the ones to go to unless the purpose was for dancing.

    Most ladies could get by with a few cheapie group lessons and get up to speed good enough to impress most of the men.
  18. wooh

    wooh Well-Known Member

    At what point did Jenny ask for dating advice?
  19. rbazsz

    rbazsz New Member

    Good point, so I changed the wording slightly.
  20. toothlesstiger

    toothlesstiger Well-Known Member

    Guys who are good at finding dates don't go dancing specifically to find dates. They can go anywhere where there are women to find dates. In particular, if we consider the other thread asking why so few men like to dance, the logical assumption is that this is way down the list for them.

Share This Page