General Dance Discussion > Why do men say this on the dance floor?

Discussion in 'General Dance Discussion' started by SPratt74, Apr 22, 2006.

  1. nikita

    nikita New Member

    " there are some people, men and woman- which want it so bad, that they forget to relax and just to have fun"

    What wise words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  2. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Haha SuzieQ! Well, it was D that added the move, so I was like let's expand on that, because he's letting me do some choreography lol. And I can't wait to see your dress for the Tango! You have such pretty dresses! I can't wait to learn how to make my own. And you know that I don't know J at all, but I was looking at him at practice the other night when you guys were doing your routine, and the guy is actually a very good looking guy. I know a few of the girls that had crushes on him, and I couldn't understand it until I got a better look at him lol. :raisebro:

    And I've met a lot of great people at our studio! In fact they have all been great (except maybe a couple guys lol), but I love that place! I know when I make my new fall semester that I'm going to see to it that I have nights off just to be there it's so much fun! ;)

    Oh and there are like four pages I have to read and some I want to respond to, but I have a lesson in an hour, but everything looks so interesting that I want to be sure to come back to it all! :p
     
  3. hepcat

    hepcat Member

    You know, this reminds me of something I overheard when I went country dancing. Country's not really my thing. My girlfriend likes it and I think it's OK, so I go. I have fun and maybe I'll like it more the more I do it, but I was astonished by the mentality of some of the guys that go. It's a whole different world from what I'm accustomed to with swing.

    First of all, my girlfriend claimed that with country, guys pretty much dance with the girl they came with and that's about it. No one asked my girlfriend to dance until I ventured off to the bathroom. Plus, most seem to view the scene as a way to hook up. The things I heard in the bathroom are things I've never heard at any swing venue. One guy was complaining on how hard it was to get head! He went on about how he tells them how much money he makes and how much he had in the bank. He said all he wanted was a little head in the parking lot and complained that girls he just meets should be willing to do that, of course, in more colorful terminology than I'm using. And the other guys in the bathroom cheered him on as if that's the way it should be! I was disgusted. I don't think I'd like my girlfriend to go there alone with the number of sleezey guys there seems to be. Then these guys started talking about a table where there was apparently a number of loose women and how "you've gotta hit that table!" I couldn't believe it. I mean, I'm no prude, but that was just crude. These guys don't care about the women or dancing. They just want to get off. Is it like this in other places or dance styles? Are certain scenes just places to hook up for quickies?

    -hepcat
     
  4. Steve Pastor

    Steve Pastor Moderator Staff Member

    Just a few words about country western dancing. Don't think that all the guys are jerks. Where I go, there are those who are there to pick someone up. Some of the guys will learn to dance well enough to meet women, but the same is true for the women being there to eventually get hooked up with a guy. And then there are those of us who go to dance, and are serious about dancing.
    Also where I dance, I always go by myself, and there are a number of women who go single. For us it's a social thing, as well as a dance thing.
    When I went to San Antonio a few years ago, I had no problem finding women to dance with.
    One thing that is common most places is that if you arrive with someone and stay with them, the other people in the room reasonably will think you are a couple, and leave you alone.
    Maybe you could try a night when they teach (GASP!) a line dance.
    Your experience will vary, I'm sure.
     
  5. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Wow! I don't know how to C & W yet, because they hold those classes on the nights that I have school. But this is more proof that there are some men that come to the studios to just pick up women whether it would be at the parties and/or clubs. But here's the kicker, these men that use lines like how much money they have etc. don't pick up the best women. They pick up women that only want to a) get some b) find a man with money c) have no confidence in themselves.

    My last x had money and all of that and he treated me like dirt basically. The thing is that I didn't need him for his money and he knew this, so the only way that he could control me was emotionally. Well, he did finally manage to break me down to where I had no confidence in myself etc. And yet afterwards when I started to get strong again I got onto him about the type of person he was and he couldn't take it.

    So, now he's dating what people have called the perfect model etc., but "most" everyone that were friends with us etc. can also see that all she cares about is his money. Therefore, to me money doesn't mean squat. Money doesn't buy happiness. Sure it might buy you a trophy wife or girlfriend like what my x has now, but to me if I were to hear a guy tell me that he has this and that in his bank account, well... I would see to it that he never has any off spring.
     
  6. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    mmm.... no. I don't think so. Seriously, I really don't. It just doesn't happen. You need to put the time in. It takes time to build up the comfort level. 8-10 hours (usually over a couple day) at a minimum.
     
  7. brujo

    brujo New Member

    With a tongue like that, no wonder you don't need dancing to meet women...

    [​IMG] ?
     
  8. Shooshoo

    Shooshoo New Member

    :mad: ...this just makes me dislike men even more....

    but I think you can find sleazy guys everywhere. There's no rule for where it is more than other places. I just see that you find less sleazy men in places like dance studios where they have special nights and places where there's no alcohol served.
    I always with friends cause then you're less bothered.
     
  9. Joe

    Joe Well-Known Member

    LOL, brujo you beat me to it! :D
     
  10. hepcat

    hepcat Member

    That hasn't been my experience, actually. I've heard this is a characteristic of swing dancing in particular. Everyone dances with everyone and at least in the circles I've been in, it's considered rude to say no to the offer of a dance. I rarely ever see a girl decline a dance and I rarely see the secluded couple in the corner. I view the swing scene as very open that way. Newbies will sometimes say no, or girls with over-protective boyfriends (who usually can't dance well). But after getting used to the scene, they stop saying no. I approach girls who are obviously with a boyfriend, as I know all the guys in my scene do. In fact, I (as do others) try to make the rounds and dance with everyone. Plus, girls ask the guys to dance just as much. I get asked all the time. I can barely make it off the floor sometimes. When I travel for swing (which is a fairly frequent occurrence), I observe the same group dynamic. I don't know about other styles of dance, but I would guess this is a characteristic of the swing culture that appears to be very different from country/western. Of course, generalizations are rarely accurate and there are other unpleasant aspects, such as exclusive cliques that unfortunately exist. I would guess that's a universal characteristic of all dance scenes.
     
  11. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    Thank you for saying this! We were not dating and he never bought me anything.

    But I just want to add something, because to me it's like why should a woman have to give herself up to some guy just because he might buy her something? What if she never asked for the dinner but accepted because he offered and she wanted to get to know him better? Should she have to have sex with the guy for that too then??? I would hope not lol!!! I think that the woman should be in control of her own body and she should be able to tell the guy where to go if expects more and she doesn't want to have sex with him especially if she were to be treated with disrespect like that.

    And the guy shouldn't be offering these things if he just wants sex, because the mature respectable girl is thinking, "This guy seems nice. I might take my time to get to know him." She's not thinking, "Oh goody, this guy bought me dinner now it's time to have sex". That is unless she's like the character Samantha on Sex And The City, but then the guy should be more worried about what diseases the girl has more so than anything else at that point!
     
  12. AzureDreamer

    AzureDreamer New Member

    well.. more to the point... I don't think he should be offering them if he wants sex AT ALL.

    From a guy's point of view... there are only two things important... she needs to respect you, and she needs to be comfortable with you. and not a lot else matters. You start throwing money around... she is never going to respect you. You just become someone to take advantage of. She loses respect, and she loses interest.

    (and the same is true of girls who are too forward with guys... you don't respect those girls, and you lose interest)
     
  13. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    You make a very good point! That's very true!!!
     
  14. PasoDancer

    PasoDancer New Member

    The person who told me "you'll only run into queers and perverts doin' the kind of dancin' you do- why can't you learn to dance country two-step and do it like straight folks do?" has conveniently overlooked the fact that every time I go to their favorite dance venue, a very humble little group of senior citizens, I always manage to get my T&A accidentally bumped, brushed, or otherwise groped by these "sweet old men". So, to assume that an old farts dance is full of clean, sweet old gents and their ladies is pure bullsh!t. If anything like that happened at our studio, or ANY of the places at which we dance, the offender would be out on his knat before you could say fallaway.

    The people who should be the most supportive and good to you are always the ones who treat you like crap. The people of whom you're most scared usually turn out to be your best friends. That's exactly what happened when we started dancing. The family and close friends laughed us down the road. The studio, where we thought people would say terrible things and call us dorks welcomed us with open arms.

    (Yes, I'm ON about this tonight. It makes me mad that people can try to make others feel so tiny just to boost their egos- and it's nothing new, and it will never stop. Ok, I'm done on this particular sermon. I promise.)
     
  15. fascination

    fascination Site Moderator Staff Member

    there was a great book that I once read...I think it was called SULA...was it by toni morrison? anyhow, it was a book about how deceptive looks can be...how fine a line btwn good and evil ...well anyhow, yes...in the end the only motives we truly understand are our own and even then, not all the time....and it can often be surprising to find out who was in your corner, who was using you etc....and that doesn't even begin to address that fact that even if you manage to figure that out for any given moment, you can be sure its gonna change....kinda of sad...but, oh well
     
  16. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Yeah, Pasodancer. I'm feeling you on this topic. :friend: I wish it weren't that way. But way too often, it is. :(
     
  17. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    That sounds like an interesting book!!! I love books like that though!!!
     
  18. Whirling Dervish

    Whirling Dervish New Member

    We had a teacher in my first studio run crying into a manager's office halfway through a lessons and slam the door. We could hear some muffled talking, and eventually he came out of his office and talked to her student for about a half hour. We never saw him again. Here's the story she told me later:

    She was teaching him close lead for the first time, and this guy kept asking her to show him again. Finally they were able to dance a little that way. He was much taller than she was and overweight. She stopped the dance suddenly and said, "Mr. ___, your belt buckle is sticking me in the side. Could you move it over or something?"

    He chuckled and said: "Hey, little lady, can't do. I ain't wearin' no belt. Heh heh! Now show me that close lead again, and let's finish this thing," and grabbed her hand. That's when she ran into the guy's office.

    Don't know if any of this is true, but....
     
  19. SPratt74

    SPratt74 New Member

    OMG! The poor girl!!! That's one thing that I will not do with the male students at our studio is dance that close to them. I will with all of the instructors, because I know that they are there to be professional, and don't think anything of it. But yes I keep my distance from the others.
     
  20. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    I sincerely hope she was crying with rage, 'cause I would've kicked him in his uh ... belt buckle.

    Oy! :evil:
     

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