Salsa > Why do you turn down dances?

Discussion in 'Salsa' started by brujo, Oct 22, 2003.

  1. brujo

    brujo New Member

    For the ladies in the house, what makes you decide if you want to dance with a guy or not?

    Was having a conversation about this last night. Assuming that the guy is not soaking wet and smells like raw sewage, what makes you say yes over no?
  2. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Hey brujo! I have a deep, dark feeling you're setting me up for a fall here. :lol: :lol:

    I really hope not, so I'll go out on a limb and answer your post. I don't turn down any dances, unless I really have to. Have to means the guy asking is visibly drunk, has a jealous wife/girlfriend that I know about, or I'm physically unable to dance (The last one rarely happens). I think it's so rude to turn down dances just for the heck of it. It hurts people's feelings, for no reason.

    That reminds me of a story. Once, I was out nightclub freestyle dancing with a guy friend, and he got a cell phone call in the middle of one of those 20 minute club mixes. He walked off the floor to take his call. I don't think he realized how wrong that was until he came back and saw me finishing the mix with a couple other guys. Dance floor manners really should be obvious, don'tcha think? Sheesh!
  3. Sarah

    Sarah New Member

    I'll see pygmalion's list and raise - previous bad experiences with a paticular leader. I mean really bad - impromptu aerials the first time I danced with him. eeek! He got a really cold reception the next time he asked me to dance.

  4. dancer at heart

    dancer at heart New Member

    Another one to add to the list:

    I only said no once to a guy who had stopped dancing with me because I could not follow very well in the middle of a song when I first started that I've improved, he had once asked me to dance and I said no.....some of us remember how we are treated and will return the favor....
  5. brujo

    brujo New Member


    I think I need to rephrase this question a little bit. Close your eyes and dig back, way back to the past when you turned down people based on selfish reasons and incredible naive assumptions. What made you turn down dances back then?

    Or, what is the dance that you regret the most turning down, and what was the reason for that?

    Don't worry, it won't appear in a psychology thesis sometimes soon :D
  6. will35

    will35 New Member

    Brujo, do you mean to say, "Was it penis envy?" I know this is a girl's topic, but I want to understand, too.
  7. will35

    will35 New Member

    Hey, DanceMentor, that was pretty good, the way you changed my dirty word so fast.
  8. salsachinita

    salsachinita New Member

    Why..? Great question. Generally I watch the dancers before I decide if I should accept, or even ASK the guys for a dance (I know you fortunate girls in the States don't do this, but being here down under, where the good male dancer patners are rare & sought after by all other female salseras.....)!
    Apart from the obious reasons stated by Pygmalion, I really only turn down dances when I KNOW the guy is into showy stuff that I probably can't follow....til I feel ready for it. (or if I could sense the guy is after more than just a dance....)
    I think salsa in a lot of ways is like sex. You both have to 'click' and feel comfortable. A great partner on the dance floor is not the easiest thing to come by........and I sure do my best to be a good follower.
  9. pygmalion

    pygmalion Well-Known Member

    Oh yes, we do have to ask guys for a dance, from time to time at least! :lol: :D
  10. Phil Owl

    Phil Owl Well-Known Member

    Here's a little something from the guy's end of the fence.

    On the occasions where a woman will ask me to dance (it happens for me about 30% of the time I estimate) I'll turn down dances for the following reasons;

    a) I need a break, but promise to dance with that person later (and I do)

    b) A person has a nasty habit of NOT allowing me to lead

    c) Habitual unnecessary roughness. Yep, some women can be like that. Between a deathgrip, talon-like fingernails digging in (OUCH!!!!), or in one or two cases trying to keep a partner on rhythm that's just going out of control like a wild bronco (can't tell you how many times I wanted to say, "My dear lady, this is dancing , NOT BRONCO BUSTING!") , these things would stop me fom asking that person or accepting an invite from them.

    d) Habitual bad hygene (had this happen a couple times too, no fun dancing with someone where you have to hold your breath!)

    e) If the person is obviously intoxicated

    f) A person that has a bad habit of constantly teaching you and correcting/belittleing you in mid-dance

    Notice the key word in many of these is "HABITUAL"

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